Category: blog archive

New Rabbis, Educators, Rabbinical Students, and Education Students: The Light of Or Ami Continues to Shine

Gather 5000 Jews together in one place and you are bound to bump into old friends, camp cabinmates, former classmates, and past students. Hanging at the Reform Movement’s Biennial convention in San Diego is an experience of Jewish Facebook come alive.

Perhaps the most fascinating part has been bumping into generations of former Or Ami interns and faculty members. Catching up over lunch with Rabbi Alissa Forrest now of northern California, I came to realize just how poignant the Or Ami internship experience has been. Our small synagogue, 11 years old, has provided deeply meaningful learning laboratories for scores of future Jewish professionals. We afford them much leeway to experiment; we kvell when they find success; and we show patience when ideas do not pan out as they would have hoped. Our interns have helped deepen Mishpacha, create Temple Teen Night, develop the Shabbat morning service, reinvigorate our youth group, write Religious School curriculum, lead services, provide coverage when our rabbi is at convention or vacation, brainstorm new ideas and more. Or Ami has shined brightly because of their contributions. We all are hearing how meaningful our former interns found their experiences.

There was Shaina Wasserman, family educator in a huge synagogue in Palo Alto. Rachel Margolis (formerly Rachel Isaacson, our Mishpacha Coordinator) speaks of the exciting work she is doing as educator at University Synagogue in Brentwood. Here is Josh Barkin, a significant player now in the Jewish educational publishing world at Torah Aura; our current Mishpacha co-chair Sara Mason (incidentally Josh’s future bride) is gathering best practice concepts for use in our Mishpacha program. Rabbi Brett Krichiver is at Stephen S. Wise Temple now; his wife Tami Krichiver leads music as Cantorial Soloist at Or Ami’s Shabbat Morning Service. People are kvelling at the thoughtful, engaging d’var Torah that our current Rabbinic/Education intern Lydia Bloom Medwin gave at a service yesterday; her husband Dan Medwin, our other current Mishpacha co-coordinator, was overheard kvelling about his current experience and gathering ideas to bring back to the synagogue. Here were former faculty members (Kate Spizer and Jake Singer); there are current faculty members (Rachel Ackerman and Jonathan Rothstein-Fisch, who also serves on staff for this Biennial).

Fascinating Presentations; Great Friends

In the midst of a scintillating presentation by the UN ambassador, five of my rabbinic friends came by and ambushed me. Torn between listening to the speaker and talking with my friends, I took a moment to capture the moment and then went back to listening.

With me, from left to right, are Rabbis Elaine Zecher (Boston), Paul Cohen (Chicago), Joe Black (Albuquerque), Rosie Haim (Cleveland) and David Lyon (Houston). Elaine and I worked at Kutz Camp and the CCAR convention program committee for years; we also engage in “phone text” each spring, studying the Sefirah texts from our RAbbinical School. Michelle and I started dating right after Elaine’s birthday party years ago; Elaine officiated at our wedding. Rosie and I were in Israel together between High School and College. Joe Black’s music has gotten me through many a writer’s block. Paul and David are newer friends.

I shared breakfast with a colleague with whom I collaborated on a project, but who – because of long distance communications – never actually met. We shared pictures of the kids, spoke about our great jobs, and caught up on new times.

President Susan Gould Mixes Warmth and Wisdom in Biennial Presentation

I’m sitting here with Or Ami congregant Kim Gubner, as we listen to our President Susan Gould talk about our national award-winning program, No One is More Welcomed at Or Ami Than You. It won a Belin Outreach Award from the Union of Reform Judaism. The program is really a website that focuses on warmly welcoming interfaith couples and families.

Susan is mixing warmth, humor (her own wonderful sense of humor)… Oops, she just pointed me out and now she thinks I’m not listening to her. (Susan, I am… actually I’m writing about your wonderful presentation!)

People are transfixed by her presentation. They are taking notes. Susan is great.

Let’s see if our interfaith webpage gets more hits after the Biennial.

Rabbi Kipnes Presents New Media and Technology Workshop

At the recent Biennial Convention of the Union for Reform Judaism, I co-led a workshop on integrating new media and technology. I worked with Sean Thibault at the Religious Action Center: sthibault@rac.org. That little Or Ami was invited to present at such a workshop is a source of great nachas (pride/joy).
The workshop was really cool. As we presented, we created a blog together (which includes all of our notes). Check out the BiennialBits blog.
Sean taught us how to make a podcast.

I loved participating and showing off Or Ami’s eNewsletters, website, and my blog. Here are my notes:eNewsletters

Creativenet: www.Creativenet.net (I work with Steve Besser)
Constant Contact: www.constantcontact.com
Group Mail: www.group-mail.com

Or Ami eNewsletters:
Illuminating News from Or Ami, weekly newsletter
www.oramimail.org/newsletter
During the Southern California Fires:
http://www.oramimail.org/newsletter/index.php?id=176
Rabbi’s Tisch Learning eNewsletter, occasional teaching
www.oramimail.org/newsletter
Talking to Kids about Drugs and Alcohol: http://www.oramimail.org/newsletter/index.php?id=187
Can I Pray that the Red Sox will Win the World Series?
http://www.oramimail.org/newsletter/index.php?id=172

Family Learning program weekly newsletter
www.oramimail.org/mishpacha

Other examples:

FAIR.ORG: http://www.fair.org/index.php?page=3226

Blogging:
www.blogspot.com

rabbipaul.blogspot.com – for Rabbi Paul Kipnes’ blog Or Ami I?
Israel Trip blog: http://rabbipaul.blogspot.com/search/label/Israel%20Trip%202006
Camp Newman: http://rabbipaul.blogspot.com/search/label/Camp%20Newman%20URJ
Others:
http://rabbiphyllis.blogspot.com/
http://www.theflyfishingrabbi.blogspot.com/
http://blogs.rj.org/rac/

No Limit Texas Hold’em DRIEDEL

Just when you thought Chanukah couldn’t get any more interesting! As the Jewish Forward explains it:

There is a new game called No Limit Texas Dreidel (www.moderntribe.com, 877-324-1818; $18). This is not a bad concept. Poker has traditionally held more fascination for kids than a game of dreidel. Poker has all the money that goes on the table, all the exhilarating risk and the maddening mathematical calculations. It is — to put it mildly — a lot of fun. Dreidel, well… it’s just spinning a dreidel, isn’t it? Even though there’s often chocolate involved, it can’t really compete. And even though when you hear the words “No Limit Texas Dreidel,” you immediately think that this is a shameless attempt to capitalize on the ESPN generation, No Limit Texas Dreidel creates a reasonable facsimile of poker — but without the insane $1,000 bets and the cigar smoke at the table. The stakes are small (chocolate gelt), and figuring out the odds of your hand are much, much easier.

Questions? Check out their FAQ page.
Each player spins his or her own personal dreidel — what the game calls the “hole” dreidel. (Like your hole cards in poker. Get it?) You cover it in a little plastic shaker, and then the table has a round of betting. Chocolate gelt goes into a pot in the middle of the table. Then there are two community spins of the dreidel, followed by another two rounds of betting. “Gimel” is the highest-ranked letter you can get. “Hey” the second highest. “Nun” the third. “Shin” the worst. You have to match up the three highest dreidels — as you would in poker — to create three-of-a-kind hands or pairs. “Remember,” the rules of the game advise, “this game is ‘No Limit,’ so PLAYERS can go all in at any time, betting their entire stash of gelt and forcing players to match their bet or fold. Bluffing is allowed and encouraged. Practice your DREIDEL FACE!”

Do I Direct God or Does God Direct Me?

Mei Hashiloach, my Institute for Jewish Spirituality study text for the year, asks the question on Mikketz: Who rules over whom? Do I rule over God or does God’s desires direct me?

Said differently: who gets credit for my successes? Do I? or am I just a vessel for the Holy One?

My teacher Jonathan Slater reminds us of the prayer:

Not my will, God, but Yours
May I become aware of how I might best act in this moment and the next
Make Your will known to me,
So that I might live with honesty and love,
To act with the greatest wisdom available to me, and
To make for a more just and compassionate world.

Now that is a prayer to live by…

Back on the Meditation Track

After 2 years of a meditation, yoga, text study and breathing spiritual practice, I have found myself falling away from my practice. Without my teachers from the Institute for Jewish Spirituality at my side, it became more and more difficult to fight the ever growing demands from my job, my teenagers, my family. Recently, a teacher suggested that I try to be more purposeful and planned in my approach to certain issues. It had a few immediate effects. First, I rethought how I would structure my sabbatical so that I could have time for processing and reflection. Second, I sat down – after a long hiatus, turned on my meditation CD, and got to work at not working.

How refreshing to breathe purposefully again!

Tracing Business Acumen to Dyslexia

As a follow up to a recent post on the America’s Top Model who has Asperger’s Syndrome, I offer this article, also from the New York Times (12/6/07) on Tracing Business Acumen to Dyslexia. The author explains that: A study concluded that dyslexics were more likely than nondyslexics to excel in oral communication and problem solving and to own two or more businesses.

Why does the Jewish community in general, and Or Ami in particular, need to be welcoming to Jews with special needs? Because, as in the case of dyslexics, they have much to offer, and much to gain, from this community.

The journalist notes: “We found that dyslexics who succeed had overcome an awful lot in their lives by developing compensatory skills,” Professor Logan said in an interview. “If you tell your friends and acquaintances that you plan to start a business, you’ll hear over and over, ‘It won’t work. It can’t be done.’ But dyslexics are extraordinarily creative about maneuvering their way around problems.” This kind of creativity can only help our community!

Mervyn’s Child Spree: Spreading the Light to Foster Kids

It is wonderful to feel so proud of our Congregation Or Ami!

Deborah Echt-Moxness, Social Action Co-chair, explains:

When Or Ami’s President Sue Gould found out there was not going to be Mervyn’s-sponsored Holiday Shopping Child Spree this year, she immediately went to our generous and compassionate Rabbi Paul Kipnes, who instantly fronted tzedakah from his Rabbi’s Discretionary Fund for 23 foster children from the Department of Child and Family Services in Chatworth to go shopping at Mervyn’s in Canoga Park. When the foster children arrived at the store, they were greeted by 23 Temple congregants who escorted them individually and helped the children shop for things they needed and wanted. The smiles on everyone’s face speaks louder than words and attests to the fact that when you give, you get much more back in return: the warm, fuzzy feeling of knowing you helped someone and made them feel special! Each foster child had $122.00 to shop for essentials and Christmas gifts.

For all the Temple members, this was a meaningful way to begin the week of Chanukah by spreading the Light into the hearts of foster kids! This event would never have taken place without the devotion and help of Lovette Panthier, who runs the Adopt a Child Abuse Case-worker Program.

View the Child Spree pictures.

Or Ami in the News: Rededication at Chanukah Time


Los Angeles Daily News (12/4/07) focuses on Or Ami’s Chanukah celebrations. Quoting Rabbi Paul Kipnes and congregant Judy Soffer, we read:

“I think most families don’t re-tell the story,” said Rabbi Paul Kipnes from Congregation Or Ami in Calabasas. “They jump quickly to the presents when they could be discussing religious freedom. “If a holiday is all about giving gifts, that’s nice, but it’s not meaningful because it becomes only about you and me. Judaism is about more. It’s raising up everybody – lighting up the world to be a brighter and better place.” Members of Congregation Or Ami – Hebrew for “Light of My People” – will receive a Hanukkah package with a sufganiyot, a traditional Israeli doughnut, along with a booklet that emphasizes telling the story and suggestions for other Hanukkah activities. Re-dedication to family, community and healing the earth is what Kipnes hopes his congregation will accept. “Reclaim the holiness of Hanukkah,” Kipnes said. “What did you do last year? Did you tell the story? Sing Hanukkah songs? Did you think about the freedom we have here? Did you think about getting rid of the darkness in your part of the world?” Judy Soffer, a member of Congregation Or Ami, planned her family’s Hanukkah observance so that next year she can say “yes” to all of the above. “When I was growing up, I think that Hanukkah was always a holiday to light candles and get presents. I didn’t really understand the why behind it,” she said. “This year my family will make each night special. One day we will go over the story. Another night we will talk about what charity we will give to,” Soffer said. “Hanukkah is a time that I feel grateful that I live in this country where I can practice my Judaism while being an American.” With the family’s electric menorah proclaiming their celebration of Hanukkah, Soffer will make potato latkes with extended family members one night and have a party with dreidel games. She also plans to buy a CD of Hanukkah songs.

Asperger’s Syndrome Gets a Very Public Face

The New York Times (December 4, 2007) wrote eloquently about the challenges and successes of Asperger’s Syndrome (Asperger’s Syndrome Gets a Very Public Face). It warmed my heart as a relative and as a rabbi.

I care deeply about someone with Asperger’s Syndrome, a relative of autism, characterized by unusual social interaction and communication skills and by an inability to read social cues. Years before this syndrome was diagnosed, we shared frustration with many interactions.

Today, we recognize Asperger’s Syndrome for what it is, a mental health issue, a personal challenge. I am pleased to have read about the poignant experience of Heather Kuzmich, who as a contestant on “America’s Next Top Model,” simultaneously served as a model for others with Asperger’s syndrome. She didn’t win (I wouldn’t really know since I don’t watch the show), but she did win the hearts of hundreds of thousands of viewers, not to mention scores of people with Asperger’s and their family members who were cheering her on.

As a rabbi, I retain fond memories about officiating at the B’nai Mitzvah ceremonies of so many children with with autism, Asperger’s and other special needs. Each was meaningful and heartwarming. Each was both special and exceedingly normal.

Perhaps that is the larger lesson that Heather Kuzmich’s experience teaches. Though facing challenges which are sometimes overwhelming, our special needs children and adults, relatives and friends deserve all the opportunities that we give to others. With patience and some assistance, they too can serve as top models for themselves and others.

Talking to Kids about Drugs & Alcohol, Part I

From the Or Ami Center for Jewish Parenting
The First in a Series
Adapted in part from Talking to Kids website

Talk with your kids (and grandkids) about drugs and alcohol. It is not easy. It is often uncomfortable. And one conversation is not enough. But our drug treatment centers are littered with lives ruined because parents did not talk enough about the dangers, or talked too much but did not listen enough, or were ignorant to the real dangers of drinking and using (“Hey, I smoked pot and I survived!” ) or made excuses for behaviors that turned out to be early drug use.

I know this firsthand because I saw it firsthand when I spent a week at the Hazelden Drug Treatment Center in Minnesota last winter for training in their addiction counseling and spiritual care program.

At Hazelden, I met nice people – nice Jewish kids too – who lost themselves amongst the heavy onslaught of mixed messages and parental leniency regarding drinking and drug use. Now they are trying (some for the second and third time) to kick their habit. I came away with a clear sense that we adults – parents, grandparents, siblings and friends – have an important responsibility to educate ourselves about the realities of drugs and alcohol use and abuse. We then need to talk with (not “at”) our young people, listen openly, and help them create strategies to deal with the pressures and enticements of alcohol and drugs.

Alcoholism and drug use is as old as the Bible, when the High Priest Aaron lost two sons to alcohol and when even Noah came off the ark, got drunk and cursed his sons (Gen. 9:20). There are no guarantees that our conversations will protect our kids. But there is plenty of evidence that, absent ongoing, serious conversations, our children are vulnerable to the neverending pull of the pot and pills.

Booze and Barbituates: Distinguishing Between Fact and Fiction

The issue of drugs can be very confusing to young children (and older ones too). If drugs are so dangerous, then why is the family medicine cabinet full of them? And why do TV, movies, music and advertising often make drug and alcohol use look so cool?

We need to help our kids to distinguish fact from fiction. And it’s not too soon to begin. National studies show that the average age when a child first tries alcohol is 11; for marijuana, it’s 12. (Jewish studies show that most Jewish kids first try alcohol at Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties or at Passover.) Older kids raid their parents’ medicine cabinets for pills that will give them a high. (Click here to learn about these “Pharming Parties.”) And many kids start becoming curious about these substances even sooner. So let’s get started!

[Click here for real information about how drugs affect us]

Talk with Your Kids


Listen Carefully
Student surveys reveal that when parents listen to their children’s feelings and concerns, their kids feel comfortable talking with them and are more likely to stay drug-free.

Role Play How to Say “No”
Role play ways in which your child can refuse to go along with his friends without becoming a social outcast. Try something like this, “Let’s play a game. Suppose you and your friends are at Andy’s house after school and they find some beer in the refrigerator and ask you to join them in drinking it. The rule in our family is that children are not allowed to drink alcohol. So what could you say?” If your child comes up with a good response, praise him. If he doesn’t, offer a few suggestions like, “No, thanks. Let’s play with Sony PlayStation instead” or “No thanks. I don’t drink beer. I need to keep in shape for basketball.”

Code for Pick Up
Work out a code with your middle and high school student. Tell him that if he/she is in an uncomfortable situation at a party or friend’s house, he can text you an agreed upon message. When you receive it, you can call her immediately to play the “overbearing parent” who is coming NOW to pick her up. This little game ensures that he has an easy way out of difficult peer pressure. It allows her to save face even as she removes herself from the dangerous situation.

Encourage Choice
Allow your child plenty of opportunity to become a confident decision-maker. An 8-year-old is capable of deciding if she wants to invite lots of friends to her birthday party or just a close pal or two. A 12-year-old can choose whether she wants to go out for chorus or join the school band. As your child becomes more skilled at making all kinds of good choices, both you and she will feel more secure in her ability to make the right decision concerning alcohol and drugs if and when the time arrives.
Establish a Clear Family Position on Drugs and Alcohol

It’s okay to say, “We don’t allow any drug use and children in this family are not allowed to drink alcohol. The only time that you can take any drugs is when the doctor or Mom or Dad gives you medicine when you’re sick. We made this rule because we love you very much and we know that drugs can hurt your body and make you very sick; some may even kill you. Do you have any questions?”

Provide Age-Appropriate Information
Make sure the information that you offer fits the child’s age and stage. When your 6 or 7-year-old is brushing his teeth, you can say, “There are lots of things we do to keep our bodies healthy, like brushing our teeth. But there are also things we shouldn’t do because they hurt our bodies, like smoking or taking medicines when we are not sick.”

If you are watching TV with your 8 year-old and marijuana is mentioned on a program, you can say, “Do you know what marijuana is? It’s a bad drug that can hurt your body.” If your child has more questions, answer them. If not, let it go. Short, simple comments said and repeated often enough will get the message across.

You can offer your teen the same message, but add more ten what marijuana and crack look like, their street names and how they can affect his body. Or together read the youth-run drug facts website freevibe.com. The teen brain is a work in progress. Click here for more on how marijuana use affects the teen brain.

Be a Good Example
Children will do what you do much more readily than what you say. So try not to reach for a drink the minute you come home after a tough day; it sends the message that drinking is the best way to unwind. Offer dinner guests non-alcoholic drinks in addition to wine and spirits. And take care not to pop pills, even over-the-counter remedies, indiscriminately. Your behavior needs to reflect your beliefs.

[How Marijuana Use Affects the Teen Brain]

If You Suspect Your Kid is Using …

Even kids under age 12 can develop a substance problem. If your child becomes withdrawn, loses weight, starts doing poorly in school, turns extremely moody, has glassy eyes — or if the drugs in your medicine cabinet seem to be disappearing too quickly — talk with your child and reach out. If your teen is involved with alcohol or drugs, move ahead thoughtfully.

Begin by downloading this brochure: Suspect Your Teen is Using Drugs or Drinking.

Next, break the silence. Seek out help. Contact your rabbi who has experience with drug counseling. Contact Los Angeles’ Alcohol Drug Action Program of Jewish Family Service. Contact Beit Teshuva, a Los Angeles based recovery house. Get help to guide you through the darkness.

[If You Suspect Your Kid is Using]

Questions and Answers for your Kids

Why do People Take Bad or Illegal Drugs?
There are lots of reasons. Maybe they do not know how dangerous they are. Or maybe they feel bad about themselves or don’t know how to handle their problems. Or maybe they do not have parents they can talk to. Maybe they think it is cool. Why do you think they do it?

Why are Some Drugs Good and Some Drugs Bad for You?
When you get sick, the drugs the doctor gives you will help you get better. But if you take these drugs when you’re healthy, they can make you sick. Also, there are some drugs, like marijuana or crack, that are never good for you. To be safe, never ever take any drugs unless Mom, Dad or the doctor says it is okay.

[Some More Answers for Your Questions]

Talkback

Through Or Ami’s Center for Jewish Parenting, we are committed to providing parents (grandparents and all adults) with information, ideas and strategies for raising healthy children with good Jewish values. Why? Shmirat haGuf, taking good care of our bodies, and acknowledging their sacredness, is inherently a Jewish value.

Our Center for Jewish Parenting now asks for your help. Help us help you (and others):

* What are your concerns about talking to kids about drugs and alcohol?
* What strategies have you found successful in helping young people face these temptations?
* What information would be helpful to you as you try to guide your children?

We are all in this together, striving to raise healthy kids with good Jewish values. So share your answers. Help Or Ami illumine the path ahead for all of us.

[Need a confidential conversation with Rabbi Kipnes? Click here to email me!]