Tag: 12 Steps

Recovering Addicts are Our Teachers

Choose Life That You Should Live:

Recovering Addicts are Our Teachers

By Lydia Bloom Medwin
Former Rabbinic/Education Intern (pictured at left)
Congregation Or Ami, Calabasas, CA

“Acquire for yourself a teacher…” This passage from the Mishnah encourages us to seek out those more knowledgeable than ourselves and to become their students. After meeting with four Or Ami congregants, each recovering from alcoholism or an addiction in one form or another, I have found for myself some wonderful teachers.

During the past month, I met with three alcoholics or addicts and one spouse of an addict. Each had a unique history with their own addiction – the first time she drank, the transformation of his alcoholism into a heroine addiction, her sifting through the credit card bills to find her husband’s unknown charges – yet all four had so much in common. The most important commonality emerged in discussions around a twelve-step program. Each day they surrender their lives and their will to God – their lives depend on it.

My teachers are some of the most spiritually centered people that I have ever met. They have all developed close relationships with God, however they define their Higher Power. They know that when the world becomes overwhelming or when something makes them fuming mad, there is only one solution: give it over to God. These moments of prayer and meditation, both spontaneously spoken and ritually observed, anchor them in the truth on which their lives depend. This truth is comprised of the first three steps in a twelve-step program: 1. I can’t do it. 2. God can. 3. I think I’ll let Him.

But these are only the first few steps on the journey toward recovery. Even in recovery, the addict (and even the spouse of an addict) can find that he or she becomes consumed by the fear and pain that pushed him or her towards addiction in the first place. They are forced to learn completely new ways of dealing with their problems, because they cannot turn to the bottle or the pills or whatever addiction used to dull their pain. They know that if they ignore these fears, the disease of addiction can progress on. If the alcoholic stops drinking but does not deal with his or her fears, the addiction continues to intensify. When the addict returns to the addictive substance, the abuse of that substance is far more serious, as if they had been drinking and getting progressively worse during the entire period of sobriety. Talking about their fear and pain is just as much a part of recovery as abstaining from the substance itself.

My teachers taught me that they can only find the power to face their fears by constantly refocusing on “giving over one’s problems to God.” This is the only path that can lead to recovery and healing. I was amazed by the incredible strength they evidenced as they moved from addiction to recovery. Imagine truly believing that “I will not survive unless I continually remind myself that I must give my life over to God.” Would you have the strength to surrender to your Higher Power? But it is only this surrender that helps the alcoholic/addict choose to abstain from using. In the Torah, we are commanded to choose life that we may live. An alcoholic actually chooses life every day.

“Only a drunk can help another drunk.” This quote from the movie The Story of Bill W. completely baffled me when I first heard it. How could two people with such a disease help one another get sober? What does this mean for me, a rabbinic/education intern who wanted to be of service to the recovering alcoholics in our congregation? Once we realize that the only way to stop the addictive behavior is to continually find fellowship with others who understand, we can embrace the truth: No one can understand the internal life of an alcoholic like another alcoholic. No matter how much the person’s loved ones care and want to help, only a community of people who have the same disease can speak the language with and feel the empathy for the alcoholic or addicted person.

It was this seemingly simple discovery that led Bill Wilson, an alcoholic himself, to develop the first twelve-step program, a system of recovery, lifetime support, and anonymity for people with addictions of all kinds. It remains the only known way of helping people who struggle with addiction. Presently, there are over two thousand Alcoholics Anonymous and other addiction recovery meetings each week in the greater Los Angeles area, including many in the West San Fernando and Conejo Valleys. AA has a rich, proud, and private history; its members are protective of their meetings and the organization because of its incredible healing power in their lives.

As a rabbinic intern, I thought that through these discussions, I would be able to better to talk to the Jewish alcoholics or addicts that exist in every Jewish community. I learned instead that it was my role to listen: to their stories of pain, of hitting rock bottom, of survival. Then it was my responsibility to educate others about the disease of addiction and to the program of recovery, about the ones who don’t make it and the ones who do, and the ones who thrive despite all of the odds against them. I would like to thank those people who shared their experiences and their lives so openly with me for the sake of our communal learning. I deeply respect their incredible journeys. It also means a lot to me on a professional level, as their stories will certainly inform my rabbinate for years to come. You are four really great teachers. One of you said to me, “In seeking God, I find relief.” I pray that you all find many moments of relief.

We can all learn from the addicts in our lives and in our community. They have so much to teach us in terms of hope, personal change, strength, and spirituality. Or Ami is a place that strives to better understand addiction and the Twelve Step program. We are a place to come for understanding, acceptance, and spiritual support. We welcome all those struggling with these issues to contact Rabbi Paul Kipnes (rabbipaul@orami.org) or Rabbinic Intern Sara Mason-Barkin (Sara@orami.org) for support or Jewish resources regarding addiction and recovery.

Six Steps of Teshuva (Turning or Repentance)

Tashlich, the ceremony at the beach in which we throw breadcrumbs to symbolically cast away our sins, is powerful symbolism. But the real work of teshuva (literally, “turning” but easily understood as cleaning up your life) is more complex and time consuming. Jewish tradition teaches that we need to engage in the process of teshuva year-round. The High Holy Days are a reminder for those procrastinators among us to get moving on this life-fixing process. This distillation of the medieval rabbi Maimonides’ Laws of Repentance can help guide all of us as we do the work we need to do. Click here to read my Six Steps to Teshuva.

There’s an Elephant in the Room; He’s Smoking Dope

We, Jews and Jewish families, living relatively comfortable lives, find ourselves increasingly facing uncomfortable truths: that abuse of drugs and alcohol runs rampant through our community. Jews are not immune from the battle with the bottle or the pull of the pills. Though we talk about it less than some communities, alcohol and drug abuse – especially among teens and young adults – continues to ruin lives.

It is time to face facts: too many of our kids have access too much money, easy transportation and freedom from parental oversight that allows them to explore and get hooked on drugs and booze well before we adults even have a clue. For those who are searching for something, our high schools – secular and Jewish alike – provide ample opportunity to experiment and get hooked. It is happening too often with our “nice Jewish boys and girls.”

At Or Ami we talk about the difficult issues: sex, drugs, disease, death. Our Or Ami Center for Jewish Parenting strives to help our community face the future by talking about those subjects that often make us uncomfortable, and by bringing our Jewish values and healing tradition to the conversation. Sometimes we pass on valuable insights through eNewsletters; sometimes we gather parents for open discussions about the challenges we face parenting.

Recently, our Rabbinic/Education Intern Lydia Bloom Medwin gathered together our Temple Teen Night participants for a discussion on the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse. I watched in amazement as our students listened attentively, and responded inquisitively, to the experience of one Jewish mother whose “nice Jewish boy” overdosed on drugs. Read on…

Rabbinic/Education Intern Lydia Bloom Medwin writes:

“You Can’t Compete with Heroin, Mom.”
These words helped speaker and author Rita Lowenthal comprehend just how deeply her son had descended into addiction. Rita’s son Josh began experimenting with drugs at age 13. By age 38, he had died of an overdose. This made Rita a particularly poignant speaker at our Temple Teen Night session focusing on the issue of drugs and alcohol one Wednesday. Rita’s reflections helped us to begin to understand the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse, as well as the nature of addiction, as it functions in our own Jewish community.

Talking to kids about the dangers of alcohol and drugs requires honesty. So we began by admitting that Judaism is not a religion that forbids the pleasures of alcohol. On the contrary, we customarily use wine in our holiday and life cycle celebrations. We drink wine to make these moments special and to increase the joy. However, Judaism also understands that moderation and responsibility are the keys to drinking at Jewish celebrations. Clearly, our tradition understands that there is a difference between alcohol use and alcohol abuse.

Alcohol and drug abuse can be dangerous and is certainly illegal for our youth. Rita explained to a fully engaged group of seventh through eleventh grade students about the risks of even experimenting with these substances, especially for the type of people who are naturally adventurous. We learned that while some people might be able to try a drug and then never touch it again, so many others try it once and cannot stop abusing drugs until the day the substance kills them. As such, just trying drugs could mean a life sentence. That is what happened to Josh Lowenthal when, at age 13, his mother found that it was already too late. In and out of rehab and jail for twenty-five years, Josh went from devastation to healing to hope and back again in a vicious cycle. Josh, a bright and outgoing Jewish kid, was musically talented who was inclined to write poetry and listen to NPR. Still, as Rita so eloquently in her book, “One Way Ticket,” even her “nice Jewish boy” wasn’t immune to the realities of addiction.

Congregation Or Ami is a community where we talk openly about drug and alcohol use. At Or Ami, students can ask the difficult questions and receive honest answers and thoughtful advice. If one of our students or our families is in trouble with drugs or alcohol, they can turn to Rabbi Paul Kipnes (who has been trained in Alcohol and Drug Counseling and Spiritual Care), our Rabbinic and Education Interns and our temple family for help. Or Ami will always respond with an open mind and open arms. For many, Or Ami has already been the first stop on the road to recovery.

Drug and alcohol addiction is nothing new; its roots stretch back to Biblical times. Addiction is a disease that affects a great deal of people, and the Jewish community is not immune to its ravages. At Congregation Or Ami, we are working to understand (and teach) more about the nature of this disease. Simultaneously we support our families who are currently struggling with addiction and we celebrate with those who have found recovery through the Twelve Step Program.

We welcome all those struggling with these issues to contact Rabbi Paul Kipnes or Rabbinic/Education Intern Lydia Bloom Medwin for support or Jewish resources regarding addiction and recovery.

Talking about that Dope-Smoking Elephant
Or Ami is committed to shining a light on this age-old problem. We have learned that when parents talk openly and calmly, kids hear what they have to say. With the support of Bruce and Wendy Friedman, and the Wolfson Family Foundation, Or Ami has been holding conversations – public and private – about the challenges of alcoholism and addiction. Each year Or Ami introduces another rabbinic student to the realities of addiction in the Jewish community and we provide him/her with opportunities to develop pastoral skills to address these challenges. As Lydia Bloom Medwin moves onto her new internship at UCLA Hillel, Rabbinic Intern Sara Mason will learn and teach about the dangers of addiction.

After the High Holy Days, our community will gather again under the auspices of our Or Ami Center for Jewish Parenting to learn from Beit T’shuvah, a Jewish halfway house in Los Angeles, about what we parents can do do help our kids combat the pull of the pills.

Until then, explore my blog article on Talking to Your Kids about Drugs and Alcohol, Part I. We parent more effectively when our eyes are open wide.

As always, I am here to listen, to strategize and to help, as we all walk the tightrope between parenting too much and parenting too little. I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Email Rabbi Paul Kipnes here.

Beit T’shuvah: Jewish Rehab Clinic in Los Angeles County

Our Center for Jewish Parenting is always on the lookout for stories, resources and information to help parents. In conjunction with our Madraygot/Jewish 12 Steps Addiction Education and Prevention Project, we aim to educate, support and prevent addiction.

We get a boost in this week’s Jewish newspaper. The Jewish Journal wrote a beautiful series of articles on Beit T’shuvah, a Jewish rehab clinic/synagogue/halfway house in Culver City. Beit T’shuvah is one of LA’s gems, helping with the vast population of Jewish alcoholics, addicts and their families.

Read on:

In the small lobby, a teenage boy with blondish hair sits passively on a couch, staring at the wall, not reacting to the threats thrown his way.

His mother, her face puffy from crying, pleads with her husband, the boy’s enraged stepfather, who slams in and out of the building, furiously yelling that the boy stole his car and his money to buy drugs.

Rabbi Mark Borovitz tries to calm everyone down, but he gives no solace to the boy, telling him firmly that he’s screwed up and will have to pay for it. “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime,” says the rabbi — a refrain from his own criminal past.

Hang out for any length of time at Beit T’Shuvah, a Jewish rehab clinic/synagogue/halfway house in Culver City, and you might have your heart broken by scenes like this. The residents, about 110 men and women of all ages, nearly all of them Jewish, are drug addicts and alcoholics — often with a criminal record. Read more

Take a look at two other articles on this topic:

One day at a time, one person at a time

Drug abuse debate: Legalization, medication or therapy?

Talking to Kids about Drugs & Alcohol, Part I

From the Or Ami Center for Jewish Parenting
The First in a Series
Adapted in part from Talking to Kids website

Talk with your kids (and grandkids) about drugs and alcohol. It is not easy. It is often uncomfortable. And one conversation is not enough. But our drug treatment centers are littered with lives ruined because parents did not talk enough about the dangers, or talked too much but did not listen enough, or were ignorant to the real dangers of drinking and using (“Hey, I smoked pot and I survived!” ) or made excuses for behaviors that turned out to be early drug use.

I know this firsthand because I saw it firsthand when I spent a week at the Hazelden Drug Treatment Center in Minnesota last winter for training in their addiction counseling and spiritual care program.

At Hazelden, I met nice people – nice Jewish kids too – who lost themselves amongst the heavy onslaught of mixed messages and parental leniency regarding drinking and drug use. Now they are trying (some for the second and third time) to kick their habit. I came away with a clear sense that we adults – parents, grandparents, siblings and friends – have an important responsibility to educate ourselves about the realities of drugs and alcohol use and abuse. We then need to talk with (not “at”) our young people, listen openly, and help them create strategies to deal with the pressures and enticements of alcohol and drugs.

Alcoholism and drug use is as old as the Bible, when the High Priest Aaron lost two sons to alcohol and when even Noah came off the ark, got drunk and cursed his sons (Gen. 9:20). There are no guarantees that our conversations will protect our kids. But there is plenty of evidence that, absent ongoing, serious conversations, our children are vulnerable to the neverending pull of the pot and pills.

Booze and Barbituates: Distinguishing Between Fact and Fiction

The issue of drugs can be very confusing to young children (and older ones too). If drugs are so dangerous, then why is the family medicine cabinet full of them? And why do TV, movies, music and advertising often make drug and alcohol use look so cool?

We need to help our kids to distinguish fact from fiction. And it’s not too soon to begin. National studies show that the average age when a child first tries alcohol is 11; for marijuana, it’s 12. (Jewish studies show that most Jewish kids first try alcohol at Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties or at Passover.) Older kids raid their parents’ medicine cabinets for pills that will give them a high. (Click here to learn about these “Pharming Parties.”) And many kids start becoming curious about these substances even sooner. So let’s get started!

[Click here for real information about how drugs affect us]

Talk with Your Kids


Listen Carefully
Student surveys reveal that when parents listen to their children’s feelings and concerns, their kids feel comfortable talking with them and are more likely to stay drug-free.

Role Play How to Say “No”
Role play ways in which your child can refuse to go along with his friends without becoming a social outcast. Try something like this, “Let’s play a game. Suppose you and your friends are at Andy’s house after school and they find some beer in the refrigerator and ask you to join them in drinking it. The rule in our family is that children are not allowed to drink alcohol. So what could you say?” If your child comes up with a good response, praise him. If he doesn’t, offer a few suggestions like, “No, thanks. Let’s play with Sony PlayStation instead” or “No thanks. I don’t drink beer. I need to keep in shape for basketball.”

Code for Pick Up
Work out a code with your middle and high school student. Tell him that if he/she is in an uncomfortable situation at a party or friend’s house, he can text you an agreed upon message. When you receive it, you can call her immediately to play the “overbearing parent” who is coming NOW to pick her up. This little game ensures that he has an easy way out of difficult peer pressure. It allows her to save face even as she removes herself from the dangerous situation.

Encourage Choice
Allow your child plenty of opportunity to become a confident decision-maker. An 8-year-old is capable of deciding if she wants to invite lots of friends to her birthday party or just a close pal or two. A 12-year-old can choose whether she wants to go out for chorus or join the school band. As your child becomes more skilled at making all kinds of good choices, both you and she will feel more secure in her ability to make the right decision concerning alcohol and drugs if and when the time arrives.
Establish a Clear Family Position on Drugs and Alcohol

It’s okay to say, “We don’t allow any drug use and children in this family are not allowed to drink alcohol. The only time that you can take any drugs is when the doctor or Mom or Dad gives you medicine when you’re sick. We made this rule because we love you very much and we know that drugs can hurt your body and make you very sick; some may even kill you. Do you have any questions?”

Provide Age-Appropriate Information
Make sure the information that you offer fits the child’s age and stage. When your 6 or 7-year-old is brushing his teeth, you can say, “There are lots of things we do to keep our bodies healthy, like brushing our teeth. But there are also things we shouldn’t do because they hurt our bodies, like smoking or taking medicines when we are not sick.”

If you are watching TV with your 8 year-old and marijuana is mentioned on a program, you can say, “Do you know what marijuana is? It’s a bad drug that can hurt your body.” If your child has more questions, answer them. If not, let it go. Short, simple comments said and repeated often enough will get the message across.

You can offer your teen the same message, but add more ten what marijuana and crack look like, their street names and how they can affect his body. Or together read the youth-run drug facts website freevibe.com. The teen brain is a work in progress. Click here for more on how marijuana use affects the teen brain.

Be a Good Example
Children will do what you do much more readily than what you say. So try not to reach for a drink the minute you come home after a tough day; it sends the message that drinking is the best way to unwind. Offer dinner guests non-alcoholic drinks in addition to wine and spirits. And take care not to pop pills, even over-the-counter remedies, indiscriminately. Your behavior needs to reflect your beliefs.

[How Marijuana Use Affects the Teen Brain]

If You Suspect Your Kid is Using …

Even kids under age 12 can develop a substance problem. If your child becomes withdrawn, loses weight, starts doing poorly in school, turns extremely moody, has glassy eyes — or if the drugs in your medicine cabinet seem to be disappearing too quickly — talk with your child and reach out. If your teen is involved with alcohol or drugs, move ahead thoughtfully.

Begin by downloading this brochure: Suspect Your Teen is Using Drugs or Drinking.

Next, break the silence. Seek out help. Contact your rabbi who has experience with drug counseling. Contact Los Angeles’ Alcohol Drug Action Program of Jewish Family Service. Contact Beit Teshuva, a Los Angeles based recovery house. Get help to guide you through the darkness.

[If You Suspect Your Kid is Using]

Questions and Answers for your Kids

Why do People Take Bad or Illegal Drugs?
There are lots of reasons. Maybe they do not know how dangerous they are. Or maybe they feel bad about themselves or don’t know how to handle their problems. Or maybe they do not have parents they can talk to. Maybe they think it is cool. Why do you think they do it?

Why are Some Drugs Good and Some Drugs Bad for You?
When you get sick, the drugs the doctor gives you will help you get better. But if you take these drugs when you’re healthy, they can make you sick. Also, there are some drugs, like marijuana or crack, that are never good for you. To be safe, never ever take any drugs unless Mom, Dad or the doctor says it is okay.

[Some More Answers for Your Questions]

Talkback

Through Or Ami’s Center for Jewish Parenting, we are committed to providing parents (grandparents and all adults) with information, ideas and strategies for raising healthy children with good Jewish values. Why? Shmirat haGuf, taking good care of our bodies, and acknowledging their sacredness, is inherently a Jewish value.

Our Center for Jewish Parenting now asks for your help. Help us help you (and others):

* What are your concerns about talking to kids about drugs and alcohol?
* What strategies have you found successful in helping young people face these temptations?
* What information would be helpful to you as you try to guide your children?

We are all in this together, striving to raise healthy kids with good Jewish values. So share your answers. Help Or Ami illumine the path ahead for all of us.

[Need a confidential conversation with Rabbi Kipnes? Click here to email me!]

Living as Part of a Family with Addiction: Courage, Hope and Love

Since it warmed up here in Minnesota, I took advantage of the balmy 9 degree weather by taking a walk outside around the lake. Though chilly, it gave me a chance to reflect back on a day that warmed my heart.

This second day spent in the Family program at the Hazelden Addictions Treatment Center in Minnesota provided me with a glimpse of the heartwarming acts of courage displayed each moment by the families of addicts. As a participant in Hazelden’s Spiritual Care Provider training, courtesy of a grant from the Reform Rabbinical organization CCAR, I was honored to witness the gutsy honesty with which spouses, parents and children of addicts processed the past and looked into the future as relatives of people in recovery. [All the names, situations and stories are composites. In order to protect the confidentiality of all involved, I generalize from my experiences and those of my colleagues.]

A Story
A woman seeks to leave a room. There are only two doors – door number one and door number two. She opens door number one, takes a step out where a person holding a stick whacks her in the head. (Pardon the violent image.) She stumbles back into the room. A little while later, she decides to try again. She opens door number one, takes a step out where a person holding a stick whacks her in the head. She stumbles back in the room. Some hours later, the same thing happens. Opening door number one, getting whacked in the head, and stumbling back inside. This goes on and on. At some point, she opens door one, peers outside, and notices that the person with the stick is no longer standing outside. What does she do? So she begins to look around to find the missing man.

This then is the dilemma of an addict’s family. After living the pain-filled life of one who loves an addict (addicted to drugs, booze, cocaine, pills, gambling, sex or…), is there a point that you stop looking after him or her? Is there a point that you just go through a different doorway and get on with your life? And what is going on inside of you that keeps steering you back toward door number one when you know from experience that you will be whacked in the head?

Here at Hazelden, we are learning that after years of focusing on the needs or dysfunction of the addict, each family member begins to transition into focusing back on him/herself. That transition is incredibly difficult.

We learned that when the loved one descends into the dark pit of addiction, the family member might want to begin a process called “detaching with love.” Detaching with love is not about anger or resentment, fear, anxiety, judgment or numbness. Rather, detaching with love is about taking responsibility for oneself and letting go of responsibility for the actions of the addict.

I learned that in homes of addicts, family members often try very hard to keep the addict from using. Hiding bottles or censoring words or watching what you do, all to ensure that you do not set her off on a drinking or drugging binge. Detaching with love helps you transform your own mindset. No longer must you walk on eggshells. Now, when you say something without intention of hurting anyone that makes her angry, that’s no longer your problem. (It is the addict’s problem.) Detaching with love is about setting boundaries of acceptable behavior.

It also requires one face difficult questions:

  • Will our marriage survive?
  • Should it?
  • Can I trust her?
  • Am I responsible for the past, or for the future?
  • If I still love him, how can I not try to save him?
  • But if I cannot save him, what am I to do?

I spent today with tears in my eyes, my heart filling with awe as regular people wrestled with intense issues. No surefire solutions guaranteed; none were really offered. Just a group of normal people, walking a painful path, struggling with their feelings and sharing insights with each other. No mystical heroes here, just regular Joes and Janes trying to figure out today and hoping to make it to tomorrow. No perfection here, just processing life.

They inspired me with their courage. I will keep them all in my prayers.

Venturing Out In the Cold: Exploring Addiction and Recovery in Minnesota

On Sunday, I left Los Angeles with its toasty 78 degree weather. When I awoke the following morning in St. Croix, Wisconsin (just over the Minnesota border), it was minus 19 degrees outside. Walking from the hotel to the waiting van, I thought my tuchis (rear end) would freeze off. Yet, after spending a few days at Hazelden, a residential addiction treatment center in Minnesota, I found myself warmed by the profound healing happening amongst recovering addicts, their families and the incredible Hazelden staff. [All the names, situations and stories are composites. In order to protect the confidentiality of all involved, I generalize from my experiences and those of my colleagues.]
I am one of four rabbis and a rabbinic spouse attending the Hazelden Foundation’s Spiritual Care Providers Professionals in Residence program. Recognizing that even Rabbis and Rabbinic families suffer from the disease of addiction, the Central Conference of American Rabbis (CCAR), my national rabbinical organization, raised funds so that our delegation could acquire the education necessary to help our own. We seek an understanding of chemical dependence and our role in helping persons affected by addiction recover and heal – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Jews Don’t Drink!?! How many times have you heard that Jews don’t drink? Well we do. And we use chemicals, misuse prescription drugs, snort coke, and engage in a myriad of other addictions too! Like just about every ethnic group, our Jewish brothers and sisters too are seduced by their addictions until their lives are damaged beyond recognition. Slowly, too slowly, our Jewish community is waking up to help. So here I schlepped during the frigid Minnesota winter to deepen my pastoral skills in ways that could benefit both my colleagues and my Or Ami congregants.
In the past fourteen years, I have run recovery retreats, led Jewish 12 Step meetings on Yom Kippur, co-written curricula for developing Jewish 12 Step groups, and mentored rabbinical students to become 12-Step-friendly rabbis. None of this, however, prepared me for the intensity and depth of emotion that permeates this wonderful community.
At Hazelden, we participated in a family program in order to understand how addiction affected relationships. We partnered with addicts to learn first-hand about the challenges they faced. We listened to lectures about alcoholism as a disease and heard inspiring speakers who provide guidance and hope. At one point, I looked out the window at the falling snow hiding the frozen ground beneath. It reminded me that there is so much heartache hidden beneath the faces arrayed before me in Hazelden’s community room. But in the fellowship of recovery, the stories were shared and the pain revealed. Always, I was amazed at the strength of character that it took to face it and fight back.
We learned so much about addiction and recovery.

  • About how addiction is about a “desire to be numb” and the recovery is about “the desire to be alive.”
  • About how many addicts in recovery are grateful for the crisis in their life – their rock bottom – that brought them to recovery.
  • About one study which showed that a person with an alcoholic parent but an otherwise stable family was still FIVE TIMES more likely to develop alcoholism as was a person from a multi-problem family without an alcoholic parent.
  • About the three C’s: Cause, Control, Cure (a family member of an addict DID NOT Cause the disease, CANNOT Control the addiction, and CANNOT Cure it either).
  • About the fifty-pound phone, the notion addicts use to describe how hard it is initially to lift the telephone headset to really reach out for help.
  • About how the craving for the object of your addiction (booze, a joint, some pills) is so insidious and powerful that it is stronger than anything else (love of family, concern for job, caring for spouse).

Beyond making me so grateful for all the wonderful parts of my own life, my stay at Hazelden also taught me how addiction can rob anyone of the fullness of life.
This morning we were playing outside during a break. We had heard that in below zero temperatures, you could throw a full cup of boiling water up into the air, and it would vaporize before it hit the ground. We had to try it, and vaporize it did. I immediately thought of my newfound family group partners. Their lives were once so full. Yet as the chemicals heated up their days, those cherished lives – marriages, careers, economic security, families – were vaporized in less time than it took for that water to vaporize.
I feel so honored and fortunate to be learning this. And to have the opportunity to deepen my pastoral skills so I can reach out and help others. May the Holy One grant me the chance to use this learning to lead others down the path of recovery from addiction.