Tag: Or Ami

18 Lessons from 18 Years as a Rabbi

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As I celebrate my 18th year since I was ordained Rabbi, I take stock of lessons learned along the way:

  1. Jewish spirituality without social justice can become narcissism.
  2. Social justice without Jewish spirituality might feel good but might not compel future activism.
  3. The role of the rabbi is to passionately comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.   
  4. The role of the rabbi is to quietly point in a direction and then get out of the way. 
  5. A healthy, organic Jewish community is not afraid to experiment.
  6. A healthy, organic Jewish community is not afraid of failure, because failure is inevitable when experimenting and innovating.
  7. People who really feel warmly welcomed when they walk through the doors of the synagogue will be more likely to come back to celebrate and learn.
  8. People who answer the telephones are more important than the person standing up on the bimah; a community feels warm and welcoming when the receptionist and bookkeeper exude that warmth.
  9. Dysfunction comes easily; warm, respectful partnerships between clergy and lay leaders require patience, vulnerability, and openness. 
  10. Judaism has many things to say about every thing; no issue it was or is too controversial, personal, or political to escape the moral lens of Torah and Jewish tradition.
  11. How a rabbi teaches is as important as what a rabbi teaches. Difficult lessons and controversial teachings are more easily heard when alternative perspectives are respected. 
  12. God exists. God loves. God cares.
  13. The lights can be on, but if we close our eyes, we think it is dark. 
  14. Jewish music has the power to touch hearts and souls more deeply than any sermon.
  15. Torah teachings and Jewish music, when combined artfully, have the potential to transform lives and touch eternity.
  16. Fear not social media or technology; like the printing press, telephone, and two stone tablets from the mountaintop, they are merely tools for spreading Torah teachings. 
  17. Israel is at once ancient and modern, historic and mythic, spiritual and bricks-and-mortar. Walking its streets and alleys transforms the soul.
  18. A community that takes care of its rabbi and his family ensures that the rabbi has deep sources of strength and love to care for the community.

He Died, He Mourned, A Community Reached Out

It warms my heart whenever a community reaches out as we hope it would. We received this from a congregant, following the burial of his 91 year old father:

Dear Friends at Congregation Or Ami,

My father of almost 91 years old passed away on Monday, November 29th. I cannot tell you how special it was to get emails and calls from members of the Temple. Some of these members I can honestly say that I did not know too well. The warmth and the sincerity was overwhelming. I put a call in to Rabbi Paul Kipnes the same day and got a return call immediately. After making plans with the mortuary all was confirmed and Rabbi Paul did an excellent job officiating the service on Wednesday, December 1.

The Rabbi admitted to me which was honest that unfortunately he learned more about my dad after he passed away as he really never got the chance to know him. At the service he said the same thing but when he was speaking everyone realized that he was a quick learner.

Once again, I want to thank everyone for their words of support and our family is so glad to say that we are members of Congregation Or Ami.

On the Airplane: Alone within a Crowd

Miles above the earth, sitting snuggly in my seat, surrounded by 200 other travelers on JetBlue’s LAX-JFK shuttle, I felt alone. Not one to make conversation with strangers on a plane (who, once discovering I am a rabbi, begin to tell me about every Bar Mitzvah they ever attended), the usually outgoing me becomes very introverted. I sat quietly, pondering in silence and sadness about how easy it is for an individual to feel invisible even amidst a crowd of people.  If connecting with others requires openness, self-disclosure, and a willingness to feel vulnerable for a moment, it also needs an impetus: someone or something that invites an interaction. 

It made me think about Or Ami, about how much attention and energy we devote to making people feel welcome, and about how there still must be are people – even members of our congregation – who feel uncomfortable or invisible. Yes, Or Ami does so much to try to break down barriers. We offer explicit welcomes on the website to interfaith, special needs, LGBT, and multicultural/racial individuals and families. We insist on nametags (with first and last names) at all programs and services. We begin each service by inviting guests to introduce themselves.  We call the entire congregation three times a year, just to check in and to convey the message that “you matter to us.” Henaynu, being there for each other, defines our congregation.

Yet thinking about the other me, that man sitting in silence on the plane, I wondered how else might we model a welcoming atmosphere?  What could we do to be more proactive, welcoming those for whom being quiet or introverted are part of their self-definition? Since my best ideas always come from others,  I invite you to share your thoughts. 

A Letter to our Teens and College Students: About Safe Places and Safe People… Like Your Rabbi and Cantor

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We sent the following letter to our entire community…
Cheshvan 5771
October 2010
Dear Members of the Or Ami Family,
We hope that you will share the letter below with your teens and college students.  Some of you might feel comfortable sharing it with your preteens.  It is inspired by the writing of Rabbi Andy Bachman of Brooklyn and Rabbi Alan Cook of Seattle, but the sentiments expressed are very deeply felt by each of us.  We want each and every teen and college student at Or Ami to know that they are part of a community that will love and support them, no matter what.
There are many wonderful resources out there if you, your teens, or your college students are confronting any of the issues addressed in the letter.  We will be providing opportunities in our Temple Teen Night, our Confirmation, our LoMPTY youth group, and in other forums to discuss these matters, but you may also wish to check out some of the following online resources.
§   www.stopcyberbullying.org
§   http://www.nfty.org/resources/guides/bullying/ (Reform youth movement’s resources on bullying and LGBT issues)
§   www.rosalindwiseman.com (creating cultures of dignity, from the author of the non-fiction book upon which the movie “Mean Girls” was based)
§   www.GLSEN.org  (the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network)
§   www.Lambdalegal.org (working for the civil rights of the LGBT community)
§   www.thetrevorproject.org (focused on crisis and suicide prevention among LGBT youth)
***
Dear Or Ami Teen or College Student:
Hi!  As your rabbi and cantor, we have been asked to respond in a Jewish manner to an important issue. Sometimes those issues are so heavy, so serious, that words seem insufficient.  We are writing you about Rutger’s student, Tyler Clementi, his being bullied and his recent suicide.  Tyler’s tragic death has saddened us greatly.
If you are not familiar with what happened, you can read the full story.  Here’s the gist of it: Tyler was secretly filmed having a sexual encounter with another man in his dorm room at Rutgers University.  This film was then broadcast over the Internet, causing him much embarrassment.  Authorities believe that this was a major factor in his decision to take his own life.  Appropriate personnel from his school and from local law enforcement are continuing to investigate.  Tyler is only the latest and most publicized in a string of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered (LGBT) young people who have taken their own lives because of pressures they felt to conform to the expectations of others.  Our hearts go out to the families and friends of all of these young men and women.
But we want to speak to you, whoever you may be.  Whether you are gay, straight, bi or transgendered or just plain confused, Judaism teaches that each individual is created B’tzelem Elohim, in the image of God.  It does not matter what other people think about you as you struggle to figure out what you think about yourself.
What does matter is that you feel comfortable being who you are – at Or Ami, at school, in your community, and in your home – and you learn how to deal with those who do not accept you.  And you need to know what Tyler, in his shame and pain and suffering, may have been unable to appreciate – that no matter how badly you feel about how things are going in your life, you will always have someone to talk to, and a community that will accept you, support you, and love you for who you are.  Let us also help you if you are in pain or thinking of hurting yourself.  (Suicide is a permanent solution to what is a temporary problem.) Our emails are at the bottom of this letter, and we encourage you to reach out to us if ever you need help.
Tyler Clementi’s life ended because we live in an imperfect world that hurts or even kills people because they are different.  People fear what they do not understand, and so we are left with a twisted world where people are harmed because of who they are, or whom they love.  Others may be hurting due to acts of anti-Semitism, cyber bullying, social exclusion, breaking up with a first love, using drugs/alcohol, or any of the countless other pressures that teens and college students face today.  The effects of such harm will not always be physical, but words and name-calling and lack of acceptance can leave scars just as deep as one who wields a knife.  The good news is that there are more people in the world who support your right to be who you are than not. Torah teaches Kedoshim Tehiyu, that you are holy and valued (Leviticus 19).   We accept you and want you to feel welcomed and valued and respected and loved.
Although the two of us are straight men, we have been blessed with friends and relatives, rabbinic colleagues and other coworkers, and beloved and involved congregants who are gay or lesbian or bi or transgendered.  If we examine our relationships, I believe all of us would find the same to be true.  Some come out easily; others struggle with their identity; still others remain “in the closet.”  One day, perhaps we will be able to say, “Who cares what an individual’s sexual orientation is?”  And until that day comes, so long as such prejudice and bigotry remain, we cannot remain silent.  The Jewish tradition teaches that we are all responsible for one another. 
As your rabbi and cantor, we care for you. So if you are reading this, and you are feeling sad, angry, scared or any of a myriad of confusing emotions, and you need someone to talk to, please be in touch with one of us (our emails are below).
And always remember that you have a rabbi and cantor and a community that care about you deeply and accept you for who you are.  No matter what.
With love,
Rabbi Paul Kipnes                                                      Cantor Doug Cotler
rabbipaul@orami.org                                                 dougcotler@aol.com
You may want to read Rabbi Kipnes’ blog on the issue (The Holy One Created Tyler Clementi; Why Couldn’t His Roommates See His Holiness?) here. 

An Inspired Staff Inspires Others

Last Friday, the synagogue office was closed so that our entire staff could gather together for a day-long retreat. We focused on the intersection of two phrases in our Or Ami Vision and Values: We travel together down Jewish paths which inspire our hearts and souls and [these paths] transform us to seek justice and nurture compassion in the world. Our interns, program and office staff, youth advisor and clergy considered how our time at Or Ami inspires us, and therefore influences our ability to deepen the sense of community in the congregation.

We studied Jewish texts from different visions of Jewish community to tease out the many “Jewish paths” that lead people to authentic Jewish living. Answering the question, “besides giving to your family and friends, if you had $100,000 to give out, what would you do with it?” led us into a discussion about the centrality of tikun olam (repairing the world) and tzedakah (charitable giving) in our community.

I learned three things from this day of talking and tasting:

  • We have an inspired, talented, compassionate staff who believe in and live the Vision and Values of Or Ami.
  • Our staff sees themselves as working in sacred partnership to nurture caring, spirituality and community.
  • Because we take such good care of our staff, they in turn are authentically able to take such good care of us.

Next time you are at the synagogue (or if you have a moment when you are at your computer), send a note of appreciation to individual staff members who have made your Or Ami experience particularly meaningful.

Honoring an Inspiration: My Mentor Rabbi Jim Kaufman Retires

My wife and I spent last evening at my previous pulpit, Temple Beth Hillel (Valley Village, CA), for a dinner and Havdala service honoring Rabbi Jim Kaufman and Sue Kaufman on the occasion of his retirement.  Rabbi Jim stands apart as one of the greatest influences on my congregational rabbinate.

Dinner was delicious; the program heartwarming.  I had the opportunity to share a few words about my experience with Rabbi Jim. I said:

A story… I came to Temple Beth Hillel (Valley Village, CA) in 1994 in my third year of the rabbinate, and left in 1999 as what I thought was as a seasoned rabbi. I owe that growth to the nurturing I received under the mentorship of Rabbi Jim Kaufman.

For five years I served as Rabbi Jim’s Associate Rabbi and Director of Education. I left to become the solo rabbi at Congregation Or Ami in Calabasas, CA. Over the intervening eleven years, as my congregation has grown considerably, I have come to realize that much of that vibrancy can be directly attributed to the lessons I learned from Rabbi Jim. He taught me:

  • Make your synagogue a warm, haimische home.
  • Since Jewish values have meaning only when turned outward to fix the world, make social justice central to your mission.
  • Behind every great rabbi is an even greater spouse. My wife Michelle and I knew, from the moment we walked into the scrumptious Sukkot new member dinner Sue Kaufman hosted in their backyard, that Sue and her family knew how to create a welcoming environment.
  • Make sure people with disabilities know that the synagogue doors open wide to them.
  • If you can, grow a goatee. The grayer the better. For some reason, it makes people think you are wise.
  • Spend time at Camp Newman – it will inspire temple members to send their kids and it will keep you young.
  • When someone is sick, call once, twice or more. Even if they tell you not to call, call anyway or stop by. It will be deeply felt.
  • Make your family your first priority – at home, around the synagogue, in your office. In the end, they are your legacy, your support, your most precious possessions.
  • Treat each person as an individual. Don’t hide behind policies, but thrive with the personal pastoral touch.

Rabbi Jim treated me always as a partner, even inviting me disagree whenever the ideas warranted it. But mostly, I learned from Rabbi Jim how to be a congregational rabbi. Naively, I thought that after 5 years, I had learned all I could from this rabbi.

But, at Congregation Or Ami in Calabasas, I daily faced challenging issues, more complex and nuanced than I ever could have imagined. The congregation had put its trust in me to deal with these issues. But I confess, often I didn’t have a clue. So what did I do? I developed a problem-solving routine…

A congregant would call me up with a problem. I would listen, perhaps take notes. I would offer comfort and assure them that together we could get through this. I told them that I took their concerns so seriously that I wanted a day to think it through. Then I would hang up the phone.

Now was the time to figure it out. After counting to ten to make sure I didn’t freak out, I turned to my main source of wisdom. I picked up the phone and called my mentor. Rabbi Jim listened to the issue, paused thoughtfully, and patiently guided me to the solution. When I needed, he even told me what to do. Then I would pick up the phone, call back my congregant, and be able to offer his words of wisdom, giving them comfort and giving them confidence in their Rabbi Kipnes. I recall this happening about every other week. And although by the end of my second year I stopped calling him, it was only because Rabbi Jim’s way of being a rabbi was by then deeply ingrained in my heart and soul.

There are a host of rabbis out there who learned from Rabbi Jim at camp and from his shining example in the Pacific Area Reform Rabbis organization and in the community.

Personally, I have had many rabbinic teachers over the years, but without a doubt – and my wife Michelle and I agree on this –the man who told me at my interview that he wasn’t really interested in being a mentor – he only wanted a rabbinic partner – had been the greatest influence on my rabbinate. Rabbi Jim, thank you for being the mentor par excellance. Thank you for making me into a rabbi.

So to you Rabbi Jim, and to you Sue, mazel tov on wonderful 37 years at Temple Beth Hillel. Thank you for transforming me into the rabbi I am today. Mazel tov. 

Other tidbits I would have added had there been time: 

  • Rabbi Jim taught me also to love of great red wine. Following his lead, I used days off from Camp Newman to go wine tasting in Napa, and have since learned to request a taste before ordering a glass when out to dinner. Because of Rabbi Jim, I have the early makings of a wine snob. Rabbi Jim taught me to appreciate the nose, the legs, to savor the taste of red wine. I still have far to go to gain Jim’s appreciation of the better bottles.
  • Rabbi Jim taught Michelle and me early on that our precious children are part of our lives and should have a place in our synagogue. From the earliest days, my children were a fixture in my office, running up and down the ramp, being held in my arms during services, growing up in our Early childhood center. Our children love being Jewish and seem to appreciate their father’s role as a rabbi. We attribute that in large part to Rabbi Jim’s insistence that the rabbi embrace and never forget his role as a father too.

We Met Randy: Survivor of a War Fought by Conscripted Child Soldiers

Congregation Or Ami Social Action Chair Laurie Tragen-Boykoff writes:

Over a hundred of us at Congregation Or Ami joined together last Wednesday evening to hear from a young man who spent eight years of his life running from a mad man. In order to avoid capture and conscription as a child soldier, Randy told us of walking four miles each evening and sleeping in abandoned warehouses with hundreds of other children trying to escape the same fate. He escaped capture and he survived.

Through the efforts of Invisible Children, a very unusual grass roots organization, Randy, and other children – both who were caught and those who were not – have been given a second chance. By Invisible Children’s beautifully creative efforts to bring this ongoing crisis to light in America, hundreds of children have become the benefactors of Invisible Children. They are being reintegrated into their families and schools. A new generation of leaders is being raised; hopefully it will be a generation that will prevent the likes of mad men – Joseph Kony, Adolph Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden, and Cambodian genocide’s Pol Pot – from ever bringing genocide into the world again.

Or Ami congregants were inspired and moved to act. Scores of us ended the evening by providing ongoing educational scholarships and other needed support. And your children came through, as well:

Teen Josh Wolfson writes: I was very inspired by Invisible children, not just because of the horrible situation they are in, but because they made me realize how much I have. I live in a beautiful city like Calabasas, I go to a great temple, I get an excellent education, and I get all that handed to me because I was born into a great family. I was dealt a tremendous hand, yet these kids, they aren’t even given any of those cards. They grow up in situations that most adults could not even handle, and I feel like, if I can help with the issues in one of these talented kids lives, with just 35 dollars a month, than I will give up that much for as long as I can.

Teen Ian Sharon: During Temple Teen Night, we had the experience of witnessing the tragedy in northern Uganda. We watched a video about the war in northern Uganda, and how one man can tear a family apart. A man named Kony is forcing his men to kidnap children in the middle of the night and forcing those children to fight for his LRA army. If his child soldiers cry, he will hurt them or even kill them. If a child soldier escapes and is caught, he will be executed. Now, Kony and his men are capturing children in Sudan, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and the Central African Republic. The Invisible Children organization camps outside of the White House, and also lets communities like ours know about the horror and the terror of Kony’s actions. I even bought a bracelet and explained the horror to all of my friends, telling them to tell other people. I am helping the Invisible Children by letting my voice be heard, unlike the child soldiers in Northern Uganda.

Though Invisible Children has helped empower the people of Northern Uganda, the conscription of child soldiers is a plague, spreading to the Sudan, Congo and Central African Republic. There is still much to do and an enemy of children and people everywhere to defeat. For further information, contact Social Action ChairLaurie Tragen-Boykoff or visit the Invisible Children website.

10+ Commandments for a Successful Past Presidency

You spend a year or two leading the temple, being involved in every major (and often minor) decision that is made. You meet weekly with the rabbi, help determine policy at the head of the board, and enjoy greeting congregants at services, programs and on the High Holy Days. And then, your successor is nominated, elected and inaugurated and soon, you end up feeling like chopped liver. Such can be the life of a Temple President.

After enjoying working with two very successful past presidents, and sadly facing the conclusion of another successful president’s terms, I decided it was time to put some thought into what makes for a successful past presidency.

This document, 10+ Commandments for a Successful Past Presidency, represents the collaboration with Congregation Or Ami’s current president Susan Gould, with input from past presidents Michael Kaplan and Alice Goldsobel and president-nominee Lucille Goldin.

Ten Commandments for a Successful Past Presidency

Rabbis Gather, This Rabbi Kvells

I’m up in San Francisco for the Central Conference of American Rabbi’s convention. 460 Rabbis plus spouses/partners are together in the famed Fairmont Hotel for study, chevruta (friendship), social justice and prophetic pronouncements.

Many are sharing the struggles of their communities as they make their way through the deep recession. Many talk about the infighting that has marked the challenges.

I just listen, and kvell.

Kvelling about a 13th year Bar Mitzvah celebration we just concluded, filled with an inspirational Friday night Bar Mitzvah service, a fun-filled Bar Mitzvah adult Gala party (few talking heads), and a Sunday morning kids party. I’m kvelling about the montage of 13 years of Or Ami. I’m kvelling about the great article in the Acorn about our sacred work.

We all have struggles. I’m proud to be part of a community that scheps nachas along the way.

Why Congregation Or Ami is Inspiring #2

Another reason why our Congregation Or Ami is so inspiring: our congregants share their love and joy, and speak about it regularly.

Not long ago, I blogged about the Sweetest Bar Mitzvah Moment. A few days later, I received this email from the same man (grandfather) about whom I wrote:

Dear Rabbi Paul,

You beat me to it. I was about to sit down to write a note to you expressing our appreciation for the beautiful service you and Cantor Cotler conducted on behalf of Ben and our family and friends.

I thought that I would check my email first. And there it was, the special tribute to the love Marianne and I share with each other. Now it is a little difficult to continue writing as both our eyes are filled with tears. Thank you for sharing.

And now it is my turn:

We have been members of a congregation all of our married years – 53 years and counting. We have always believed that it was important to maintain an affiliation with a synagogue. We felt it was an obligation to our community and a responsibility, as parents, to share our tradition with our family. However, until our daughter Ellen introduced us to Congregation Or Ami, we never really enjoyed attending services.

You are unique among rabbis and I can say the same about the Cantor. Prior to you, services were all about Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Moses. You bring our religion into the real world, about today’s relationships with our family, our community and our world in ways we can all relate.

The comments by members of our family, and our daughter Ellen and son-in-law Mark’s friends and neighbors relating to the way you and Cantor Cotler conducted the service were glowing with praise. Several couples stated to us that they were seriously thinking about joining the congregation.

You have a great sensitivity to everyones’ needs. We have experienced the opening of the entire torah to the congregation with you before, and I am always fascinated with the length and the effort it takes to write it. It leaves quite an impression.

We were very touched at the High Holy Day services when you called to the Bimah and thanked the non-Jewish parents for their permission and help to allow their children to be brought up in the Jewish tradition. In all the years of attending services we have never seen that done. Again, it brought tears to our eyes.

In regards to Ben’s Bar Mitzvah. We appreciated your sensitivity in bringing our son-in-law Mark’s family into the service.

We saw Ben in a different light. He has always been the jock in the family, filling our weekends with some sort of athletic event. Although he is really a good student, we did not expect the kind of commitment he made to study for his Bar Mitzvah ceremony. We were proud.

Thank you for becoming part of our extended family. Our trip to Israel allowed us to enjoy a relationship with you, your wife, your father-in-law and your children. We relish and look fondly upon that experience.

With Love and Appreciation,

Marianne and Jim Mertzel

Being in Or Ami’s Shabbat Service was Like Being in a Relaxing Yoga Class

Our congregant Ray Joelson recently reflected upon the experience when his son Jay became a Bar Mitzvah. With his permission, I share it here:

Our son recently became Bar Mitzvah at Congregation Or Ami and there is much for our family to reflect upon and even more to carry forward and cherish for a lifetime. The culmination of our preparations, deliberations, and expectations seemed to all focus on this one day that was so unique and fulfilling and that was magically orchestrated into a seemingly flawless service by Rabbi Paul Kipnes, Cantor Doug Cotler and Bar Mitzvah teacher Diane Townsend.

Only on the evening of the rehearsal with Cantor Doug, about a week before the Bar Mitzvah did the full impact of our son’s learning with Diane become evident to us. Leading up to the Bar Mitzvah, we had enjoyed the muffled sound of his singing in the shower and the practicing of his Torah portion, but we never quite got to hear the real thing. We consider our son talented, but the rehearsal with Cantor Doug revealed a singing voice that we were completely unaware of. Diane had somehow managed to bring a dormant talent to the surface and our son seemed to revel in the joy of his own voice. What a gift! Yes, my wife and I shed tears at the rehearsal, and little did we know this was only the beginning.

On the big day, Or Ami’s Calabasas, CA sanctuary, filled with our friends, family, and anxieties, transformed into a special place where our hopes, dreams and expectations were soon to be realized. Perhaps this same magic happens in all Temples, but Rabbi Paul, Cantor Doug and Diane are a very hard act to follow. Without hesitation, our son followed their cues and like clockwork, it all came together. It became obvious that our son had developed a very special bond with his teachers at Or Ami. Some said being in our Shabbat service was like being in a relaxing yoga class; some said the joy of the music overwhelmed them. Others said that it was the best service they had ever attended. All agreed the service was very beautifully different from their own Temples’ services.

Something very special happened to me too on that day. The collective experience of bearing witness to my oldest son address the congregation, read from the Torah and basically conduct the service all by himself, made me aware of the role we parents play in passing down Jewish tradition, and how that role is supported by the inner workings of Congregation Or Ami. A strange but familiar feeling overcame me as the service came to an end, as if I had been here before, and I quickly realized that I was feeling the same feelings I had felt at my own Bar Mitzvah service. The sense of L’dor Vador, transmitting Torah from generation to generation.

I Almost Made Myself Cry at the Bar Mitzvah

There we stood, Rabbi and three generations of the Tillis family, preparing to physically pass down the Torah midor lador (from generation to generation).  This primarily Reform Movement tradition makes manifest what is happening in fact and deed: that another young adult is receiving Torah from his ancestors.  At the end of this line of stood a young man Jared, who though he spent his life challenged by special needs and multiple treatments – a rare form of non-convulsive epilepsy, speech therapy, vision therapy, challenges reading and decoding – now stood ready to do what every other 13 year old boy does.  Jared was becoming a Bar Mitzvah. 

I looked out at the crowd of family and friends.  On their faces I saw utter amazement; reflected in their eyes was the wonder that this young man, in spite of all the challenges he faces, had led the prayer service so beautifully.  His Bar Mitzvah teacher, the incomparably talented Diane Townsend, had been by his side, pointing to each transliterated syllable so that he could chant the prayers at his own pace.  Too see how creatively she had retransliterated each word in a way that it would be comprehensible to this specific Bar Mitzvah boy is to witness a master teacher at work.  Yes, we had already each experienced that Shehecheyanu moment, that blessed happening that reminds us all that we were just touched by the miraculous. 

What words could I say which would further capture the holiness before us?  And how to do it in such a way that everyone would understand on their own level: the Bar Mitzvah boy in his specifically special manner of comprehension and the guests who had been touched by the Transcendent? 

We are taught that Torah was revealed in 70 languages at once so that each person could comprehend it.  Who is to say that which languages they were?  Perhaps some were the language understood by a child with special needs. Maybe the simple concepts that a profoundly challenged child could comprehend.

So I told them: We are taught that Torah was given to everyone at Mt. Sinai: the rich and the poor, the strong and the less strong, the healthy and the sick.  Yes, even those who stuttered (Moses), were leprous (later, Miriam), or were beaten down by the challenges of their lives (all the Israelites) received the Holy Torah.

I reminded them, lovingly, that sometimes we doubt who was able to receive Torah, but that as long as there are people who believe (I looked at Mom and Dad and older sister), everyone can grasp hold of the holy books. 

I said a bunch of other words too, but as I looked out at the congregation, seeing not a dry eye in the sanctuary, I started to choke up too, and mumbled something that I cannot remember anymore.

Then we passed Torah down midor lador (from generation to generation) completing the cycle.

Worshippers were moved.  One said, “Jared’s service was the most moving and touching ceremony I have ever been to” while another explained that she “will never forget Jared’s amazing ability to turn an ordinary ritual into a meaningful event that we will carry in our hearts forever.”  

I am left with three profound memories of this Bar Mitzvah service:

  • That this young man, standing on the shoulders of all the Jews who came before him, became a Bar Mitzvah just like the best of them;
  • That we are blessed to have a teacher as skilled as Diane Townsend who finds a way to point each child – no matter how challenged, no matter how reticent – toward Torah;
  • That the Holy One of Blessing (God) blessed us this day by allowing each of us to experience the transcendent holiness of this Bar Mitzvah. 

…Shehecheyanu v’kiy’manu v’higee-anu lazman hazeh – Blessed are You, God … for giving us life, for keeping us in life, and for bringing us to this special moment. 

(BTW, the other Bar Mitzvah boy earlier that day made me proud, amazed, and inspired.  Because he was special too. Not special needs.  Just special, like every child is special.  But that’s another blog post.)

Congregation Or Ami exudes openness and welcoming of families with children with special needs.  Read about it.

Or Ami in the News: Membership Shabbat

In a new Jewish ritual, recently affiliated members of Congregation Or Ami walk through a tunnel of tallits (prayer shawls) held by veteran congregants. After they transitioned from “newness” into being fully part of the synagogue family, Rabbi Paul Kipnes and Cantor Doug Cotler, amidst joy and tears, offered blessings of welcome. Synagogue president Susan Gould invited these newest members to participate in the community’s vast array of learning options and social action projects.