Category: blog archive

Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh… Writes Rabbi Rick

In his blog, Divrei Derech, my Camp Newman-Swig Faculty buddie Rabbi Rick Winer, posts:

I believe that one of the reasons Camp Newman holds our usual slot for us during the first two weeks of the summer is because Laura and I, and some of our colleagues have served on faculty for many summers and are unfazed by the surprises that occur here in this magical environment.

Many of those surprises are wondrous and beautiful, others present challenges that require calm and experience to properly address.

We arrived at camp as usual, having stopped at Taylor’s Refresher on our way up. We greeted friends we haven’t seen in a year and unloaded the van. Then we headed off to our opening faculty meeting. Everything seemed quite normal until shortly after completing our meeting when we were urgently gathered back together for the latest update.

A couple members of the camp staff tested positive for Influenza A, presumed to be the H1N1, swine flu virus.

I’ve always been pleased and impressed with our camp director, Ruben Arquilevich, the U.R.J. senior staff and the teams we assemble to run our youth programs. They are professional, more than competent and, ultimately, I trust them with the health and safety of my own children.  More.

Thanks May Be Kosher Even If Swine is Not

My family is up here at Camp Newman still as the camp moves forward, caring for those with the flu (at most 20 to date, of which only 2 have tested positive for Influenza A).
Though the word on the street is that there is swine flu here (H1N1), we know that only the 2 exhibited symptoms. The actions of the camp – postponing the arrival of the younger kids, isolating those exhibiting symptoms, and separating staff from the CITs/Avodahniks who arrived at camp later – are intended to be prudent, conservative and responsible.

I remain impressed with our senior staff. I sent the following email to the senior camp Newman leadership this afternoon. I hope it captures the amazement and comfort we feel with the actions, transparency and compassion of this group:

Dear Directors, gezah team, senior administrators, medical team, office staff (and other camp newman leadership),Being up here on faculty allows me to be both a participant and an observer of the goings on at camp. I have witnessed so much that amazes me. I see so many caring people – you! – rising up to act in ways that evidence the depth of your compassion and the fullest of your ability to care for others, I see so many courageous people – you – who are facing so many unknowns, so much not in your control, yet are moving forward thoughtfully to manage the camp and care for the staff, CITs and Avodahniks who are here, I see so many tireless people, who are working endless hours, moving thru the moments of exhaustion to plan and respond,I see people who evidence bikur cholim, caring for the infirmed, as you take care of those few who have the flu, those who are well on the way to recovery, and each other (ensuring that you do not burn out), I see so many people with endless patience, who are calmly answering questions, sharing information, exhibiting the quiet reassurance that lets the rest of us move thru our days without worry. Thank you for taking such good care of all of us at camp, for working endless hours to address that which is beyond our control and for making sure that wisdom and caution prevails amidst the pressures of opening camp. My whole family – a CIT, 2 soon to be teenage campers, and 2 adults – is up at camp right now. We feel safe, cared for, informed. I am so proud to be part of this amazing community. Thank you for all you are doing.

Swine Aint' Kosher at Jewish Summer Camp


D’var Acher (Alternate Title): Porky Pig, Superman and Other Comics

translation: swine flu, super staff and the theater of the absurd

D’var Acher (Alternate Title): “I Know it is 1:00 am, and I’m Sorry to Wake You, but…”

Team Crisis Management. From midnight, Wednesday, June 17, 2009 thru lunchtime, June 18, 2009, Michelle and I joined the URJ Camp Newman’s Team Crisis Management as the camp responded to a few cases of Influenza A (presumed to be H1N1 – swine flu) and another dozen cases of the regular flu.

[We just read that the Sacramento newspaper reported: 15 swine flu cases close Santa Rosa religious youth camp

Camp Newman-Swig, a sprawling 500-acre complex on Porter Creek Road, had two probable and 13 highly suspect cases of the H1N1 virus among members of its adult staff, said Dr. Mary Maddux-Gonzalez, Sonoma County’s public health officer.

The Camp experience began as expected. We had arrived at Camp Newman at about 5:30 pm and enjoyed the traditional pre-camp faculty dinner out at Dafna’s Greek. A fabulous faculty meeting followed where we learned about many exciting camp intiatives, and where I was introduced as Faculty Dean and Michelle as a member of the Nefesh Team (“nefesh” = soul = the camp’s psychosocial support team). We were dazzled by the efforts of Or Ami Rabbinic (and Rabb/Ed) intern, now Camp Education Director Sara Mason-Barkin.

Not ten minutes after the meeting let out, the faculty was called back into session and informed that camp, facing a number of staff with flu-like symptoms, had determined that we were facing a few cases of presumed H1N1, swine flu. With a decision immanent to postpone the arrival of the younger campers (Avodah, CIT and Staff were already at camp), we were being drafted into Team Crisis Management and asked to call all camper parents tonight to inform them of the decision.

By 10:15 pm, a calling script was being written, call lists divided up (rabbis/educators began by calling our own congregants), and, with Michelle’s guidance, a list of responses to anticipated questions was being developed (when will camp invite the younger campers up? Still to early to say).

By 11:00 pm, we were spread out all over camp, manning phones, spreading the calm but clear message:

Dear Parent,

We are in the process of calling all of our camper parents with the important announcement…

In the last 48 hours a number of our staff members have come into the infirmary not feeling well, some with fever. In order to be very cautious and responsible, we tested some of our staff and the results came back positive for Influenza A. Our county public health department has informed us that this is mostly likely the H1N1 virus – swine flu. Therefore after consulting with medical professionals and the leadership of the Union for Reform Judaism we have determined that is wise to delay the opening camp and to demonstrate an abundance of caution. While we know that this will be tremendously inconvenient, we take our responsibility for the health and safety of children entrusted to our care as our foremost priority.

We will be in touch again by email late Thursday with an update. We hope by then to be able to make a determination as to when the session will begin. Again we are very sorry for calling so late and we certainly understand that our campers will be disappointed.

Thank you for your understanding and support. (Email addresses were provided for those with questions.)

From 11:00 pm until 2:00 am, Michelle and I joined a dozen other faculty, waking parents and sharing the news. It was a fascinating and overwhelming experience. Fascinating because here we were, telling parents that their child’s camp experience and long planned family plans were being changed, yet with the exception of a handful, most parents were appreciative and complimentary about our proactive decision. Overwhelming, because a good many offered to help in a multiplicity of ways. Even better, of 200+ campers, only one (one!) camper showed up for camp. In just 3 short hours, we successfully reached the entire camper population!

Though we were dragging by 2:00 am, we were reassured by the experience of being part of a Jewish community dedicated to emet (truth/honesty), chochma (wisdom/wise decisions), and responsiveness. Just before we passed out in our bed, Michelle and I chatted about how impressed we were with the quick, patient leadership of Director Ruben Arquilevich, Associate Director Phil Hankin, and their senior staff. They consulted with the top notch camp doctors, coordinated with the local Department of Public Health, conferenced by senior URJ leaders in New York (waking them as the concern mounted), and made appropriately conservative decisions in the best interests of the staff/CITs/Avodahniks currently in camp, and those who will come up in the future.

Those staff who are sick have been segregated (isolated/quarantined is the medical term), and many of those who had flu symptoms are currently on the mend. As the flu has an incubation peried of about 7 days, the camp is being proactively responsible in waiting to see if the flu will spread. Our daughter is hanging with her CIT (counselor in training) friends, observing the camp separation between CITs/Avodahniks and the staff (the latter who were together during the incubation period).

After a few hours sleep (I woke at 7:30 am Wednesday), we gathered down in the Chadar Ochel (dining room) to evaluate and begin the process of deciding next steps. Communication with the national URJ office, with the Health Department, with our medical staff, with the region’s rabbis/cantors/educators and with parents continues on the highest, most open level.

How are we Kipnes/Novembers? Understand that our Kipnes/November family is healthy and safe, as are the vast, vast majority of the camp community. Though we told our two sons to wash hands regularly, to eat at tables away from the rest of the staff, and to refrain from hugging anyone (a challenge in the loving camp community), they are enjoying the run of the camp with only minimal supervision.

Reflections on our Camp Newman Leadership: You take the measure of an institution, and the measure of a man, by the way they respond in the most challenging of situations. That’s why, in the end, I remain a fan of the URJ Camp Newman in Santa Rosa, CA, and of its leadership (from Senior Director Ruben Arquilevich). They are being prudent, responsible, consultative, caring, tireless and more…

Hopeful Words, Visionary Words

President Obama spoke in Cairo today.  Important words.  Hopeful words.  Visionary words.  Many will try to parse out policy; others will weigh who – Jews/Israel or Muslims/Arabs – are being singled out more for challenge and change.  Truth be told, President Obama told the truth! 

I’m on sabbatical and shouldn’t be blogging.  But I was inspired by our president.  Hopeful for our future: Israel’s, America’s, the Arab and Muslim worlds’…  One world. 

If you haven’t watched the president’s speech in its entirety, watch it.  Then read these words below from Donniel Hartman, ordained orthodox rabbi in Israel, PhD in Jewish Philosophy from Hebrew University in Jerusalem, incredible thinker:

Are Jews Ready for Obama (04/06/09) Shalom Hartman Institute

In Cairo today, the real Barack Obama showed up. The question is whether we Jews are ready. During the campaign, candidate Obama was very careful to court the Jewish vote. He even went so far as to declare Jerusalem the united capital of Israel. While he said often that his presidency would be about change, many Jews were lulled into believing that change would skip over us.

In Cairo, the real Obama showed up. Many Jews will analyze every word with a microscope and weigh what President Obama said about Israelis versus what he said about Palestinians, searching for nuances that either reveal a latent bias to the Palestinians or find comfort in his continued support for and identification with Israel and its unique relationship with the United States.

Many will hear the speech and focus on the question of whether President Obama is “good for the Jews” or “bad for the Jews.” While I understand this impulse, I believe that this conversation reflects most deeply how unprepared we are for Obama’s world.

While President Obama’s speech in Cairo was also about settlements, and about the Road Map, in essence it was about neither. It was about putting forth to us all the potential for a new future. President Obama’s speech was not about policy. It was about hope and the need to place a vision of a kinder and a better world, a world in which Jews, Muslims, and Christians – and the United States and the more than 1 billion Muslims of the world – will begin to see each other as partners who inhabit this world and not as enemies engaged in Armageddon. It was about remembering what we want for ourselves and our children and then thinking about what we need to do to fulfill these aspirations.

President Obama did not naively state that his speech ushered in a new world, but it did mark the significance of the politics of hope and a morality of aspirations. The serious question we Jews have to ask ourselves is whether we are ready for a politics of hope and a morality of aspirations.

No one is calling for naivete. Naivete in a dangerous neighborhood is dangerous. When one cannot distinguish between “is” and “ought,” one’s existence in the present is in peril. At the same time, however, when one cannot distinguish between “is” and “ought,” one’s life also has no direction or purpose.

The Jewish people throughout history have been a people of dreams and aspirations. Has the trauma of the Holocaust and the ongoing fight for survival traumatized us to such an extent that we can only speak about short-term survival questions?

In Obama’s world, we need to reconnect to our greater aspirations, for ourselves, for Judaism, and for the state of Israel. These aspirations, while including survival, do not stop at survival.

We Jews have much to contribute to a world in search of meaning. We have much to teach and also learn from the people of the world. It is not Israel’s settlement policy that endangers Israel today, but rather the belief that at issue is our settlement policy.

What do we want from Israel? Who do we want to be? What role do we want to have in the Middle East? How do we envision a relationship with others that is not defined by the battlefield? How do we view our larger purpose, both as individuals, a religion, and a state? What is the message and larger vision of our Jewish state? If we start talking about these questions then we will be prepared for Obama’s world.

Once we start asking these questions then we will begin to think anew about our policies for the future. We will focus on the larger questions and how we might get there. Let’s start talking about these questions, and we will begin to shape our destiny and a new role for Israel and Judaism in the world at large.

Mothers Face Tough Challenges in Raising Children with Disabilities

Mother’s Day. A celebration of those special people in our lives. I love my mother and my wife, the mother of my children. They were/are amazing. We will celebrate them, and hopefully give them a bit of a break today.

Here’s my “inspiring mother of the moment” who is uplifting others: Or Ami congregant Diane Simon Smith. Diane, a Woodland Hills therapist and mother of two children with disabilities, helped special moms raising special children with disabilities take a break and celebrate. As Sandy Banks in the LATimes (May 9, 2009)writes:

These moms know true love

Deedra Williams doesn’t need breakfast in bed or a spa massage to celebrate Mother’s Day tomorrow.

She received her gift last weekend at a quiet Montecito retreat from 15 women who, like her, are mothers of children with disabilities.

They hiked eucalyptus-shaded hills, listened to music and made collages with pictures cut from magazines. They talked for hours about the challenges of mothering children who may never be able to walk or speak, to go off to college or get married.

And everyone knew better than to interrupt, criticize or offer advice.

“No one tried to fix it here,” explained Williams, a mother of two sons — a “developmentally typical” 7-year-old, and a 14-month-old whose newborn jaundice left him with brain damage, hearing loss and cerebral palsy.

“We can relate to what each one is going through because we’re all in the same boat,” Williams said as we sat at table at La Casa de Maria Retreat with four other mothers.

“What I took away from this weekend,” Williams said, “is acceptance.”

And what I took away was a new appreciation for the unconditional mother-love that many of us give lip service to, as we continually push our children to improve themselves, carrying around our mental check-list of all their shortcomings.

::

Raising a disabled child requires a sort of hyper- vigilance. “Motherhood amplified,” Nina Loh called it, describing life with her 7-year-old twins — a “typical” daughter and a son with spina bifida, who has had 13 surgeries and may need more. “The stakes are so high. And there’s really no end in sight.”

Woodland Hills therapist Diane Simon Smith knows the feeling well. The mother of two disabled sons, she began offering “Healing the Mother’s Heart” retreats six years ago, to give women a safe place to vent “the anger, the guilt, the joy . . . all the feelings.”

Smith’s first child was born weighing less than 2 pounds. He was blind, mentally retarded and was never able to “walk, talk, sit, use his hands or feed himself,” she said. He died of pneumonia at 17. His brother, two years younger and now 21, was born with Fragile X Syndrome, an inherited disorder that causes severe cognitive and behavioral problems.

I asked Smith if she felt cheated, robbed of some of the joys of motherhood.

Not cheated, she said, with its implied resentment and bitterness. Just sad, sometimes, “when I hear my friends talking about what their kids are doing . . . going off to college, getting married.”

Every woman around the table talked of feeling isolated, separated from the larger sisterhood of mothers.

“I never wanted to be different,” said Eileen Sunderland, whose 7-year-old son has autism. “I wanted to fit in. . . . But you can’t go to lunch with all the moms at preschool. You can’t meet them in the park, because you always have a therapy appointment or a doctor visit to get to.”

And what do you talk about, anyway, with a mom who complains that her daughter wants pricey True Religion jeans, when you’re trying to get your son to stop flapping his hands like wings.

Still, some said their children’s diagnosis provided an odd sort of relief — a validation of a mother’s instinct that something was wrong, or a vindication of their parenting.

“I thought I was an inadequate mother,” recalled Lisa Hannifin, whose 4 1/2 -year-old son was diagnosed with autism. “I wondered ‘Why am I so stressed out? Why can’t I take my boy to the market?’ Other kids sit in the cart and behave. There must be something very wrong with me.”

For others, the verdict triggered fear, panic and disbelief.

When her daughter, now 5, was diagnosed with autism three years ago, Julia Gosnell “was hyperventilating into a paper bag for 10 minutes.”

Gosnell had every prenatal test her doctor offered during her pregnancy, “because I did not want a child with a disability,” she said. “I really considered myself too selfish. . . . I was a workaholic . . . not really cut out for raising kids.”

But children can stretch a mother’s boundaries.

Since November, when Gosnell was laid off, she has been a stay-at-home mom. Last week, the child she once feared might not speak said, “Mommy, I want to teach you a magic trick.”

Tears spilled down Gosnell’s cheeks as she shared the story. “Her progress has been so astounding in the last seven months, and everybody agrees it’s because I’m home working with her. . . . I’ve learned about patience and love and how to give myself to someone else.”

And about how important a mother is to her child.

::

I had to admit on my drive home that I had visited the retreat to turn those moms into an object lesson. I envisioned this column as a reality check for mothers like me — a “see, it could be worse” reminder to count your blessings this Mother’s Day.

But it was their spirit, as much as their stories, that took me down a different path.

The way every description of a child’s disabilities also included the strengths their mothers see: The beautiful smile, the sense of humor, the determination, the innocence.

The way they never labeled their other children “normal,” just “developing typically.”

How much freer would we all be to love if we could let go of our preconceived notions of what our children should do or be? If I worried less about my daughter’s tattoo and appreciated her sense of humor more. Or focused less on the “C” in statistics class and more on the hard work she put in to earn even that.

These women are not saints or martyrs. But they see gifts where others might see only hardships.

“Write this column for them,” Smith told me, as the mothers packed their cars to head back to their families. They are not looking for pity or praise, just acceptance of their challenges.

“We’re not special,” she said. “We’re just human beings, doing what we do with love.”

Just like every other mother.

sandy.banks@latimes.com

Beginning Sabbatical Phase 2

Our congregation announces my upcoming sabbatical:

After serving us faithfully for eleven years, Rabbi Kipnes will begin the second part of his rabbinical sabbatical from May 17 through late August. (The first part took place in January 2008.) The term “sabbatical,” related to the word Shabbat (time of rest), refers to a leave from normal responsibilities. Its roots come from the Torah when God instructs Moses on Mount Sinai that the Israelites are to work the fields for six years and on the seventh year the land will have a Shabbat, a complete rest. Typically taken by rabbis around the world after each seven years of service to the community, a rabbinical sabbatical allows a rabbi to rest, study and experience new facets of Jewish spirituality and learning. It serves to rejuvenate a rabbi’s internal resources for the dual purposes of providing more knowledge for sermons and synagogue activities and creating an invaluable period of spiritual rejuvenation and professional rabbinic renewal.

Rabbi Kipnes is taking his sabbatical in three parts over three years. He will begin the second part (May 17 through August 19) following Shabbat services on May 15 (and the B’nai Mitzvah services on May 16).

How will our rabbi renew himself? Rabbi Kipnes will be studying early Chasidic commentaries on Torah and will also be tutored in conversational Hebrew. He will explore synagogue renewal through an extensive reading list and tours of synagogues of excellence around the country. He will lead a delegation to Camp Newman in Santa Rosa and visit Jewish summer camps in Washington State and Mississippi. He will volunteer to help victims of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. He will expand his personal spiritual practice by rediscovering the beauty of the Holy One in National Parks around America.

Although we will miss our rabbi during his weeks away, we understand that this sabbatical is essential to both his vibrancy and longevity. To ensure that our rabbi has the ability to retreat, reflect and renew, we have developed the following sabbatical coverage plans. Our competent and compassionate Student Rabbi Ari Margolis (contact him through Or Ami at 818-880-4880 or, beginning May 17th at ari@orami.org) will take a leading role in responding to the pastoral needs of our congregants. Where needed, he will make pastorals calls, arrange for funerals, make hospital visits and take care of the spiritual needs of our congregants. He will be supported by Cantor Cotler and other community Rabbis. Services will be led by Cantor Cotler, Student Rabbi Margolis, Sheryl Braunstein, Darryl Lieberstein, Aaron Meyer, Kim Gubner or some combination thereof. Our talented educators will continue to lead our excellent educational programs. Our fabulous office staff, led by Susie Stark, looks forward to assisting you (Susie@orami.org or 818-880-4880). Of course, our president Susan Gould (the4goulds@roadrunner.com) is always ready to listen and help.

Since we want our Rabbi to focus on his own renewal and spiritual growth, with his consent, we have instructed Rabbi Kipnes that during his sabbatical, he will not be reading his email, blog, facebook, or twitter, nor will he be accepting congregant phone calls. Although you might see him around town, please respectfully do not engage him in synagogue-related issues. We are proud of how well we take care of our Rabbi and we want him refreshed when he returns!

Rabbi Kipnes will return to our community at Shabbat services on Friday night, August 21. There, interspersed with the beautiful music of our Or Ami Chorale, Rabbi Kipnes will share reflections on the first part of his sabbatical. We wish him well and hope to see you there.

Baruch B’vo’echa * Baruch B’tzay-techa
Blessed may our Rabbi be as he goes off to learn * Blessed may he be as he returns to us renewed.

Dodgers Honor Or Ami & Me on Disability Awareness Night

On Thursday, June 4th on the Dodger’s Stadium field, I will receive the EP Maxwell J. Schleifer Distinguished Service Award for Or Ami’s support of people with disabilities. The ceremony will take place sometime between 6:00 and 7:00 pm before the game. Come cheer on the Dodgers, Or Ami and the important work we do!

Our Congregation Or Ami believes that we are all created b’tzelem Elohim (in God’s image) and so we welcome all, including those with disabilities. We are extremely proud of our support of families with children with disabilities. Come cheer on the Dodgers, Rabbi Kipnes and Or Ami. Read our webpage welcoming people/couples/families with disabilities. (More nachas/joy: Congregant Dina Kaplan won the award last year.)

Brad Gore nominated me, writing:

It is my pleasure to nominate Rabbi Paul Kipnes for the EP Maxwell J. Schleifer Distinguished Service Award.

Rabbi Kipnes is by profession a community rabbi committed to opening up the Jewish community to people with disabilities, by avocation a tireless supporter of families with children with disabilities, and by familial ties, the brother of a man with Asperger’s. Rabbi Kipnes has touched the lives of thousands of families and inspired countless others to seek openness and equal access for people with disabilities.

BACKGROUND
In 1992, Rabbi Paul Kipnes convinced his then congregation, 900-family Temple Beth Hillel, Studio City, CA, to hire a Special Needs Coordinator to ensure that every child with special needs receives the support and attention he or she needs to grow spiritually, emotionally and intellectually as a member of the Jewish community. In 1998, the first policy Rabbi Kipnes asked his new community, Congregation Or Ami, Calabasas, CA, to enact was that “any child of a member who worked to the best of his/her ability had the right to a Jewish educational experience… and the privilege of becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah.” With that simply worded policy, Rabbi Kipnes ensured that families of children with disabilities – physical, mental, emotional or any combination – would find acceptance and a home in the Jewish community of the West San Fernando and Conejo Valleys. Rabbi Kipnes has spoken at national Jewish conventions on equal access, and consults with rabbis and congregations locally and throughout California on creating religious openness for Jewish families with disabilities. Whether in High Holy Day sermons or on his blog, Rabbi Kipnes is a tireless advocate for warmly welcoming people with disabilities into temples and the Jewish community.

HIS PHILOSOPHY ABOUT SPECIALNEEDS CHILDREN IN THE COMMUNITY
Rabbi Paul Kipnes teaches that “There is a sense that children with special needs, physically, emotionally, mentally, don’t have a place in the synagogue, in the Jewish community. That’s just not true, particularly here at Congregation Or Ami. We have celebrated B’nai Mitzvah services with children with autism, emotional developmental problems, intense dyslexia, Tourette’s syndrome… The Bible and Judaism are available for all of us.”

Rabbi Kipnes and his community emphasize that no matter what a child’s needs are, it’s never a question of if a child can become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, it’s when the ceremony will take place. Rabbi Kipnes explains, “With special needs children, there are two values being played out, simultaneously. Working with Brandon Kaplan (one special needs teen), for instance, we saw that Brandon is a kid like any other kid created in the image of God, worthy of love. But Brandon is also a special kid and there is an honor and joy to the congregation that he participates to the fullness of his abilities. So he’s normal and special, but here’s the secret: so is every other kid.”

CREATING THE BRANDON KAPLAN SPECIAL NEEDS PROGRAM
Rabbi Kipnes and Congregation Or Ami created the Brandon Kaplan Special Needs Program to support the creation of Jewish educational, communal, and spiritual experiences for special needs children and their families within the West San Fernando and Conejo Valleys, irrespective of whether they are members of Congregation Or Ami. Oftentimes children with intellectual, learning or physical disabilities, and special health care needs and their families lack the Jewish spiritual support and educational opportunities available to able-bodied children. The Brandon Kaplan Special Needs Program helps to provide a safe, secure, enriching experience for these children, and in doing so we contribute to the overall quality of the entire family’s life. These families are already over-burdened by the extraordinary costs of providing specially trained teachers and aides, specialized educational tools and materials, therapies, and facilities. It is currently one of the few Jewish organizations in the West San Fernando and Conejo Valleys actively offering support to non-member families who are struggling to create Jewish experiences for their special needs students.

DEVELOPING A SPECIAL NEEDS SUPPORT GROUP
Rabbi Kipnes opened the doors of Congregation Or Ami to host a twice monthly Special Needs Support Group including no cost specialized childcare, which provided support, information and resources to parents of children with special needs. The Support Group is co-sponsored by local and county Jewish organizations including the Union for Reform Judaism, HaMercaz (the Jewish Federation’s Special Needs program), Heschel West Day School and Kadima Heschel West Middle School, among others. Members of the Los Angeles Jewish community who received support included families with a son moved to a specialized facility, a profoundly disabled teen (who signs, but does not speak), 20+ year old young men, children with autism, and children with epilepsy-induced learning disabilities.

TRAINING THE NEXT GENERATION OF RABBIS AND JEWISH EDUCATORS
Rabbi Kipnes believes that the key to gaining full equal access in the Jewish community for people with disabilities entails raising up a new generation of leaders committed to equal access. For the past four years, Rabbi Kipnes, in partnership with Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in Los Angeles (HUC-JIR), has mentored rabbinic and education students, usually in their 3rd or 4th year of a 5 year Masters degree program, on how to support special needs students and families. Each intern engages in regular phone calls to special needs families to gauge their experiences and develop plans to better integrate them into Jewish learning. With their mentor, Rabbi Kipnes, they explore pastoral counseling issues related to families with children with disabilities. They apprentice during decisions about whether and how to mainstream students for education. They learn to utilize a team approach to Jewish Special Needs Education bringing rabbi, educator, Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutor, classroom teacher, temple administrator and parents together to develop a synagogue IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) for special needs students and to work with educators and teachers to create classroom lesson plans appropriate for both special needs and able bodied students. This internship with Rabbi Kipnes is a much sought after placement for students at HUC-JIR.

USING NEW TECHNOLOGY TO SPREAD THE MESSAGE OF EQUAL ACCESS
Rabbi Kipnes has presented at national Jewish conventions on the use of new technology to teach and offer support. He has pioneered the use of temple webpages to trumpet the message of openness. Congregation Or Ami is one of the first congregations to have a webpage devoted to individuals and families with special needs. He ensured that the message of access appears in prominent places on the webpage, including on the temple’s home page. Review the Special Needs Webpage. His blog is provides insights, reflections and inspiration, with special focus on concerns of special needs families. Commenting upon Jewish issues, communal endeavors and poignant moments with special needs students, the blog garnered the attention of members of the local community and Jews all over the country. Review the blog.

CELEBRATING BAR/BAT MITZVAH CEREMONIES WITH JEWS WITH DISABILITIES
Whenever asked if a child with this or that special need could become Bar or Bat Mitzvah, the central Jewish “coming of age” ceremony, Rabbi Kipnes’ answer is always an emphatic “yes!” The Congregation has celebrated B’nai Mitzvah services with children with autism, emotional developmental problems, intense dyslexia, Tourette’s syndrome, Fragile X Syndrome and more. Young Brandon Kaplan’s Bar Mitzvah ceremony, reminded everyone that children with special needs can and should have access to all aspects of religious life. When 20 year old Matthew participated in a Sabbath service, the entire community celebrated but none more than the young man with Fragile X Syndrome. As his mother reflected, “Nervous though he was, he rose to the occasion and sang the blessings beautifully, with the flair of his personality shining through. I was so touched by your attention to him, allowing him to be himself.” Read about his participation.

CELEBRATING PEOPLE WITH SPECIAL NEEDS
Congregation Or Ami hosts an annual Shabbat (Sabbath) service, led by students with profound disabilities. The service was designed around their needs. The Temple engages a sign language interpreter. Worshippers come from all over Los Angeles and Ventura Counties, from the Chaverim program of Jewish Family Service, and from local synagogues. Parents of children with special needs receive special blessings from the rabbi, and expressed deep appreciation for the support. Other worshippers described the being deeply moved by the experience. In addition, the rabbi’s sermon at High Holy Day Community Family services focused on Special Needs children. Moreover, Rabbi Kipnes ensure that members of his congregation regularly volunteer to support Brandon’s Buddies, which brings together children (special needs and others) for fun, sports and other activities. They sponsor a team in the Shane’s Inspiration walk. They bring a group each year to Game Day at Dodger Stadium for Special Needs Families.

CONCLUSION
Rabbi Paul Kipnes has touched the lives of thousands of families with children with special needs throughout the Greater Los Angeles County. Because of his efforts, they have greater access to the Jewish community, special needs advocacy and education support. Because of his enthusiasm, families with special needs feel welcomed in the Jewish community. Because of his dedication, their children have reached religious maturity. Because of his inspiration, they have an open invitation to become more deeply involved in religious life. Through his many projects and efforts, Rabbi Paul Kipnes has demonstrated inspirational leadership in an effort to expand awareness about how people with disabilities can be productive citizens in our society. As such, I wholeheartedly encourage you to award Rabbi Paul Kipnes with the EP Maxwell J. Schleifer Distinguished Service Award.

The Read Red Carpet Treatment: Prom Prep

This year, Congregation Or Ami won the Irving Fain Social Justice Award from the Union for Reform Judaism for our multifaceted project: Supporting Children in Foster Care. We are proud of all of the activities that make up this Project, including Prom Prep, Mitzvah Day, Back to School and Holiday Child Shopping Sprees, and Adopt a Child Abuse Caseworker. Read about this year’s Prom Prep (pictures here) in an early version of an article by Elyse Glickman, that appeared in the Jewish Family magazine this month:

The Real Red Carpet Treatment

Volunteers from Calabasas’ Congregation Or Ami and Encino’s Valley Beth Shalom team up with Los Angeles’ Department of Children & Family Services to create the ultimate “dress for success” prom event.

By Elyse Glickman

The senior prom is more than just a fancy party. It’s a right of passage marking a young woman’s transition from high school into womanhood and real life. Though looking glamorous and ending childhood on a high note is front and center, the prom can be as important, meaningful and emotional a day as a wedding or a landmark birthday.

For some girls, especially those who came of age in foster families, and sometimes under the most challenging of circumstances, the opportunity to experience the prom can be life-changing. Prom Prep 101, coordinated by Los Angeles’ Department of Children & Family Services (DCFS), and supported by Jewish community and church volunteers throughout the city, was conceived to not only provide essentials for foster girls’ senior proms, but also life after the prom. Though the program’s original name was “Feel Like a Princess Day,” program coordinator and ACAC (Adopt A Child Abuse) Caseworker Lovette Panthier wanted its name to reflect its more grown-up, self-esteem building objectives.

“We recruit volunteers through word of mouth and synagogue correspondence,” explains Susan Gould, president at Congregation Or Ami, introduced to the program by one of her fellow congregants, Laurie Tragen-Boykoff, several years ago. “Once someone has participated in the program, she always comes back the following year, and usually brings daughters or friends. This is a fantastic way to bring of our congregation’s main tenets, People Matter, to life. By demonstrating and living tzedaka, we teach our youth to take action to help heal the world. My daughter Joanna and I have participated in this event for several years. We have done everything from soliciting dresses from stores to collecting gently-used dresses, working the accessory tables and escorting young ladies at the event. I am thankful my daughter wants to continue participating in this event, as she says it makes her feel grateful for what she has. Furthermore, she is still in touch with Kaylee, the first girl we escorted.”

Thanks to the leadership of Gould and Debbie Echt-Moxness (who took over Prom Prep 101’s management when Gould became Congregation Or Ami’s president), congregants have not only donated volunteer time but also thousands of dollars to maintain the program. Ongoing outreach into the community and communication with program coordinator Panthier as well as Patti Jacobs and Bess Resnick, the event co-charis at Valley Beth Shalom, meanwhile, have this year resulted in generous donations from Wells Fargo Bank as well as dresses from Trendy Collection, Noell and many Jewish congregation members. Other donations, overseen by Rabbi Noah Z. Farkas include shoes from David Miles of Treasure Depot BH, jewelry by Jay and Kathy Ottenstein, and beauty products from OPI and Avon. Professional hairstylist Laurie Heaps will be recruiting the army of hair and makeup artists, while Steve Cohen of Starlite Caterers provides a sumptuous meal for girls and volunteers. Panthier also mentions that this year’s class of prom queens will also receive a copy of the acclaimed self-esteem book Exactly as I Am by Access Hollywood reporter Shaun Robinson.

Echt-Moxness, however, stresses the human touch temple volunteers (such as Arlene Wolff), church volunteers (Donna Mae Pitluck, Shirley Thomson andJanet Fisher), speakers (Sheryl Marcus of the Fashion Institute) and organizers (including Randi Simenhoff) bring to Prom Prep 101 give the girls memories and self-assurance that endure long after their prom’s last dance.

“Many of them come in reluctant, shy and withdrawn,” observes Echt-Moxness. “By the time they walk the red carpet at the end of the day, their spirits are shining, their faces glowing and they are smiling ear to ear. It’s as if they are saying, ‘Ready or not, World, here we come!’ Though we don’t actually give them self-confidence, strength and inner beauty, the way we treat them bring those gifts within each girl out into the open. I see each of these girls like a gem waiting to be set. Though their spirits have been dulled by their life experiences, the day of generosity and loving kindness is like a polish. Volunteers, meanwhile, act as mirrors allowing the girls to see their special-ness in a new, different way.”

Echt-Moxness adds that some of the most life-changing moments for both teens and volunteers take place when young daughters of volunteers tell their escort how beautiful she is. “Beyond dresses and accessories, the feeling of being looked up to is one of the most important gifts teens take home,” she muses. “However, the gift goes both ways. My daughter Molly praised the teen she was working with, and the teen was so moved, she got down on her knees—difficult with all the extra material in the way–took Molly’s hands and said, ‘You are beautiful, too, and don’t you ever forget that!’ The glow on both of their faces and hearts was priceless.”

Charlisa Warner, who did Prom Prep 101 last year, stresses that she’s carried both the material and priceless gifts she received from the event into her new life as a college student. The 19 year-old has even channeled her resulting personal growth into a new business, www.tru-been.com, a web site designed to provide information and resources to girls like herself who are leaving the foster care system and entering adulthood.

“Prom Prep 101 gave me confidence in ways I did not expect,” says Warner. “Before Prom Prep 101, I was the kind of girl who was scared to go to prom. I was intimidated, did not know very many boys, and felt I wasn’t pretty enough. During Prom Prep 101, I learned I am a beautiful person from the inside out. (My experience at Prom Prep 101) has also motivated me to go out and help more people out there like me. I am grateful to my social worker for telling me about the opportunity to be a part of Prom Prep 101. Also, it brought me closer to my foster family because they encouraged me to go through the program, and going to the prom made me finally feel like a normal high school student doing normal high school things. If it wasn’t for this, I wouldn’t have had a dress, the first dress I ever owned, which made me feel like anything was possible.”

Sarah Machat, meanwhile, experienced Prom Prep 101 as a volunteer, and says her work reaching out to girls her age brings extra personal meaning to her Social Work major. “Volunteering for Prom Prep has opened my eyes a lot,” confides Machat. “The most important thing I have learned is that little things can make such a big difference in somebody’s lives. Though I mostly work on the sidelines during the Prom Prep events, I remember there was one girl who was pregnant but still interested in going through the program. Her willingness to ask for help, even though she was more vulnerable than many of the other girls and showing, revealed her inner-strength coming to the surface. It was gratifying to see her confidence in herself rise by the end of her makeover.”

Though she comes from a middle class background, Machat reveals she has an astonishing number of things in common with Warner, including dedicating significant personal spare time to the cause. The freshman serves as Director of Community Service for Alpha Phi (Eta Kappa Chapter) at University of California, Irvine, and is conducting a dress and accessories drive through UC Irvine’s Greek System to offer Prom Prep girls a fine and diverse assortment of goods.

“A kid who has had a tough life and grew up with very little suddenly becomes a role model for a younger child who has plenty,” concludes Congregation Or Ami’s Rabbi Paul Kipnes, an active supporter of Prom Prep 101 and the efforts of Jewish community members committed to the cause year after year. “This occurrence is not only life-changing but equalizing. It reminds us all that we are all people with hopes and dreams, and everybody alive has something positive to teach or contribute to society. Though its hard to track many of the girls after they graduate, we hear stories through their social workers about how many of them have gone on to get good jobs or go to college. We know we are through these programs not only boosting the self-esteem of these girls, but also showing them they have more options than they realized.”

The Best Part of My Rabbinic School Experience

It is that time again and I don’t like it!

Time to say goodbye to our interns from Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion (HUC-JIR) as they conclude their year-long internship with us. Each will move on to new internship experiences as they prepare for eventual careers as rabbis and educators. So by May’s end, Congregation Or Ami will say l’hitra’ot (“see you later”) to (Mishpacha program Coordinators) Education Intern Laura Siegel and Rabbinic-Education Intern Rebekah Stern, and to Rabbinic Interns Sara Mason-Barkin and Jordana Chernow-Reader. These incredibly talented young Jewish professionals, like their predecessors, have created and developed more curricula and programs at Or Ami than I could ever list here. We will miss them. (You may share your appreciation and well wishes with them through the embedded email links.)

Saying goodbye to each intern is heart-wrenching. We sit together at a coffee shop for an inspiring but bittersweet few hours reflecting upon insights gained and lessons learned. These “closing meetings” also transport me back in time to my six years as a student at HUC-JIR. They remind me about the best part of Rabbinical School: the year spent studying for my Master of Arts in Jewish Education (MAJE) at the Rhea Hirsch School of Education.

The Best Part of My Rabbinic School Experience
The Rabbinic-Education (“Rabb-Ed”) year at HUC-JIR’s Rhea Hirsch was the most transformative part of my rabbinical studies. Like most colleagues who earned an MAJE degrees at RHSOE, I explain to anyone who will listen that of my six years of Rabbinical school (year 1 in Jerusalem, years 2 and 3 in NY, year 4 as Rabb-Ed, years 5 and 6 in LA), the Rabb-Ed year was the most transformational.

My decision 22 years ago to leave my East Coast upbringing after my third year rabbinical studies in New York to travel to the Rhea Hirsch School of Education to study for the MAJE was the most significant, best and long lasting positive decision of my rabbinical career. It provided me with the tools to become the successful rabbi I am today.

The importance of the Rhea Hirsch School goes beyond the fact that the Los Angeles campus has gathered together an amazing Education faculty: past directors Sara Lee and Rabbi Bill Cutter, current director Michael Zeldin, and professors Isa Aron and Rabbi Tali Hyman. Rather, this faculty has created a web of HUC-JIR, communal institutions and Jewish professionals which are tightly interwoven to nurture future Jewish educators and Rabbi-Educators. This Education faculty has been purposely trained to bring together the academic study of Jewish education (research, pedagogy, best practices, etc.) with the mentoring of students toward reflective practice and personal growth. They work extensively and closely with the local clinical faculty (internship mentors) to challenge and guide students to become reflective practitioners.

Everything Was Seamlessly Integrated
During that year, everything seemed so seamlessly integrated. The ideas I was grappling with in readings and class related directly the challenges I was struggling with in my internship which related perfectly with the issues I was facing on my path to become a Jewish professional. That year pushed me farther and made me think more deeply about Judaism and Jewish education, about the synagogue as a system, and about organizational transformation. How did that happen?

Incredible Mentoring
The RHSOE ensures that the clinical faculty (mentors of interns) themselves study and reflect – individually and as a group – upon their roles as mentors and educators. (I have sat on the clinical faculty for 14 years.) The RHSOE clinical faculty consults regularly with the RHSOE Director and with the students’ RHSOE academic advisors to reflect upon the students’ progress and to partner in guiding growth. Thus, as an intern, more than merely “doing my job” at my RHSOE internship (at Temple Ahavat Shalom, Northridge, CA, under the mentorship of Rabbi Barry Lutz), I was guided to grow in this internship as an educator and a rabbi through focused learning and reflective practice. I was encouraged pointedly and directly to examine systematically all aspects of what I was thinking and doing as a student, an intern and a future Jewish professional. Each partner in my growth process – academic advisor, school director, internship mentor – was trained extensively and repeatedly toward the goal of reflective practice.

Thus, the RHSOE has become an integral part of the Jewish community here, uniquely training future leaders, deepening the practice of its alumni, and expecting the commitment to and guiding the continued self-reflection and growth of the internship mentors. At no other time did I receive such intensive mentoring. It has become the model for my own continued professional growth.

Who Benefits Today? My Congregation, My Staff, and Me
My experience at the Rhea Hirsch School of Jewish Education now serves as the model for how I as a senior rabbi mentor my education and rabbinic interns, my office staff, my faculty and some of my lay leaders. During these past 13 years at Congregation Or Ami, the RHSOE faculty repeatedly has helped me analyze and re-envision our program and structure. Our successes can be directly linked to my RHSOE education and to continued consultation with this amazing faculty.

In the past six years, our young synagogue has earned four of the Union for Reform Judaism’s top five congregational awards – including its Nachshon award for significant steps toward Lifelong Jewish Learning – because of education and mentoring I receive through the RHSOE. These awards, my leadership of this congregation, my three years as chairperson the work of the CCAR Convention Committee, and currently my participation on the CCAR Task Force grappling with interfaith marriage, is informed and deepened by the education and mentoring I received at the RHSOE. My Rabb-Ed year in the RHSOE was the most profoundly transformational part of my Rabbinic training, and continues to have the most significant continued influence on the sacred work I do as a rabbi.

Saying Shalom…
So now, as I say goodbye to our interns and prepare to welcome new ones, I can only hope that we – Congregation Or Ami, the Rhea Hirsch School of Education and me as mentor – provided them with the deeply transformational experience that my year at RHSOE did for me.

Me, My Wife and Bruce Springsteen: Dancing in the Dark:

Our May anniversary came early as Michelle and I danced the night away with Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band (and a few thousand of our co-celebrants). We bumped into many Or Ami friends including Marcy and Clark Cameron, Greg Wiviott and his son, Bruce Drooks, and others, as we celebrated Glory Days.

Admittedly, my brother was the big Boss fan when we were younger (he even looked like Bruce, sideburns and all). In our later years, Michelle and I have tried to see the Boss whenever he’s in town. Something about his honest lyrics. Something about the truth he speaks. Bruce reminded us about the power of music to inspire and uplift. (I once wrote that Redemption comes through singing here.) Last night, Bruce Springsteen once again taught me:

  • Glory Days: While you can’t go back to your youth, the music from our younger years has the power to propel us out of responsibility and stress to a more innocent existence. Such a blessing. Even for just 2 plus hours.
  • Red Headed Woman: Early in the concert, dancing next to my wife of (almost) 19 years, I leaned over, gave her a kiss, and told her that it was fun to feel 20 years younger. (Admittedly, I’m pleased that this current phase of my life is the best yet.) Still, if you get to feel the abandon of youthfulness every now and then, it is great to do with a gorgeous girl on your arm, and an inspiring song in your heart (ears).
  • Human Touch: Bruce nails it when he sings …in a world without pity, Do you think what I’m askin’s too much. I just want something to hold on to, And a little of that Human Touch, Just a little of that Human Touch. Isn’t that what we all seek, a way out of the impersonalization of life, a way of connecting? That’s what we try to do in our lives. That’s what we seek to do with and through Congregation Or Ami.
  • Dancing in the Dark: In the midst of stressful times, I can always count on my mother to remind me that exercise is a great release of pressure. Dancing last night with thousands of others, jumping around, pumping my arms in the air, offered blissful release and unbounded joy. The early Chassidim made unfettered movement part of their worship of the Holy One. Are we missing something as we sit in our chairs at services?
  • Born to Run: It’s good not to have to be a “tramp … born to run”. It’s fun, every so often, to think about the alternatives, even if only in someone else’s song. But mostly, it’s good to have friends, family and a community with which to celebrate life.

Ears still ringing, we finally in bed after 1 am. Looking over at my Red Headed Woman, I thanked our Maker that for this slice of Paradise. Ain’t got no Pink Cadillac, but what I gots me is way better.

Inspired at the Grand Canyon

While Or Ami was at Malibu Creek State Park for Seder in the Wilderness, past president took his son Brandon Kaplan (who signs, but speaks only sporadically) to the Grand Canyon.

Michael wrote me:

I often wonder what goes through Brandon’s mind at various times. When we approached the rim of the Grand Canyon, Brandon took his first look at the Canyon. He immediately signed “America the Beautiful.”

Any questions?

Redemption Comes Thru Singing

For me, Congregation Or Ami is most compelling when we are singing together. Music uplifts, inspires, teaches, transmits values, is joyous, is fun, can be transformational. Our Cantor Doug Cotler encourages and invites others to sing with, play with, and create the music that celebrates holiness and the Holy One.

Our Vision and Values place “musical” within the first lines of self-description:

At Or Ami, people matter. Congregation Or Ami is home to a warm and welcoming, innovative, musical Jewish community. We deepen relationships with each other, while immersing in Torah, Israel and the Source of All Life. We travel together down Jewish paths which inspire our hearts and souls, and transform us to seek justice and nurture compassion in the world.

Our High Holy Day services were once referred to as “Yom Kippur, the Musical”, in recognition of how central a part music – traditional, innovative, contemporary – plays in these Days of Awe.

Thus I was particularly grabbed by a South Jerusalem posting about a Midrash (rabbinic story) which suggests, according to Haim Watzman, that singing the Song of the Sea (Mi Chamocha) was not a reaction to redemption, but part of its cause:

…at the end of the midrash, God says that he has been waiting for someone to sing to him. That seems to imply that, in some sense, the Song at the Sea was not a reaction to redemption, but part of its cause. In other words, the physical redemption from slavery could become the spiritual redemption from slavery only when the Children of Israel found a way to use language not to complain, not as an instrument for achieving some practical result, but in order to express gratitude, wonder, and joy. In turning everyday language into poetry, they completed the circle that connected them to their God. In singing, they raised themselves toward heaven.

No doubt that singing at Or Ami – with Cantor Doug Cotler, with our Or Ami chorale, with our band (currently Blue Suede Jews), with our many lay-led shlichay tzibur (worship leaders) – is the reason that so many feel so spiritual when we are together. Redemption comes through singing. Redemption comes FROM singing!