Category: blog archive

How Does a Rabbi Replenish His Soul?

For years I have been studying Torah weekly with one or two Chevruta (study) partners through the Institute of Jewish Spirituality (IJS). I have studied with a Reconstructionist Rabbi from Cleveland (Steve Segar), a Conservative Rabbi from Portland (Dan Isaak), a Reconstructionist Rabbi from Malibu (Judith HaLevy), and for years, a Reform Rabbi from Los Angeles (Karen Fox). Recently, I have renewed my study with the Clevelander Rebbe.

We have never really sat in the same room to study. We study by phone, with texts before us, and headsets over our heads. (It has been suggested that we begin using Skype so we can face to face study. Something to consider.)

Often we spend 20 minutes of the study hour talking with each other about our lives, our families, the joys and challenges of being a pulpit rabbi, our spiritual struggles and successes. Acquaintances begun at a week-long retreat have blossomed into friendships that have sustained us through life’s challenges and struggles.

Each week, we receive by email a text. Our IJS teacher, Rabbi Jonathan Slater, sends weekly an email that gets us learning. It begins with a primary text (currently Degel Machaneh Efraim) – in Hebrew and English, Rabbi Slater’s explanation of the Degel text, some reflection questions and a guide for spiritual practice drawn from this text. The Chasidic texts are sometimes thick, laden with references to Zohar, Talmud, Midrash and other commentators. Thankfully, Rabbi Slater has done the heavy lifting by discovering and reprinting the texts cited. He also guides us through the sometimes incomprehensible discussion, pointing us always toward some deep insights about spirituality or life. The text study becomes the highlight of my week.

My learning this week?

In this week’s parasha, Shemot, we learn that vayehi ki yar’u hameyaldot et ha-elohim vaya’as lehem batim – And because the midwives feared God, God established houses (batim) for them (Ex.1:21). What does it mean that God established “houses” for the midwives? Connecting “houses” with vessels, Degel Machaneh Efraim leads us on a journey to realize that wisdom, when bounded and held in a vessel of fear/awe ensures that our wisdom is used for justice and good.

As Rabbi Slater explains:

“Fear gives boundaries to wisdom.” The basic understanding here is in the dynamic tension of the right and left sides of the sephirotic tree. Chokhmah (wisdom) is on the right side. Its tendency and desire is to expand, like love (Hesed). Yet, for wisdom to be useful, for it to apply in the world, it must have some definition, a framework in which it can be understood. That is the role of the left side, where Gevurah (which includes the quality of fear, yirah) constrains, sets boundaries and provides a vessel for Wisdom. This is the same process of constriction (tzimtzum) by which God’s vital force and light come to be contained and present in all creation. Fear – as limitation and gevurah – creates a home for God’s outpouring of life and wisdom.

As Rabbi Slater guides us:

R. Moshe Chaim offers us a practice insight here. What is wisdom? Ultimately it is the capacity to perceive and respond to the truth of any given moment, any given circumstance. We all know that there are times that we are clearer, more connected to our experience and so better able to choose how to respond, and times when we are not. On those occasions that we are not so free to choose how to respond – when we are surprised, angry, depressed, jealous, smitten by love, confused, etc. – it is not that we are not “wise”, but our wisdom is not connected to the totality of our experience. It runs wherever our passions run; it is misapplied. For our natural and acquired wisdom to be effective, for it to bring us happiness and benefit to one and all, it needs a container, a frame in which to function.

“Fear of heaven” is just such a framework. This is not fear in the sense of terror before pain or loss (although both may be present), or fear of punishment. Rather, it is the fear that arises when we recognize the unbounded and uncontrollable outcomes of our actions. We may strive to live impeccably, but we are likely to fail. That induces fear: awareness, caution, compassion for ourselves and for others. When we stop to consider the fact that every deed implicates us, it may become impossible to act. Yet, we must act. There is no holding back, no backing out. The goal is to act as much as possible, with our greatest wisdom and as well as we can to do justice, live with compassion and humility. And when we realize we have made a mistake, the challenge is to strive to rectify the mistake, to compensate – as best we can – for past mistakes, and minimize the mistakes we make into the future.

Learning with my chevruta (study partners) ensures that I replenish my Torah, the source of my wisdom and compassion. It points me to deeper levels of understanding and thus becomes a central part of my weekly spiritual practice.

Braille Version of Reform Movement Prayerbook Mishkan T'fila

At Or Ami, we celebrate diversity; we embrace those with special needs. Thus we were pleased to read that an Alameda woman’s efforts yield Jewish prayer book in Braille. As Marta Yamamoto writes:

It’s true — one individual’s efforts can succeed in benefiting many. Thanks to the efforts of Alameda resident Toby Berger, solving the problem of providing a Braille edition of a new Reform Jewish prayer book was set in place.

The process took longer than expected due to funding issues and personnel cutbacks at the Central Conference of American Rabbis Press, but the book is now available to the visually impaired across the United States.

It began in early 2007 when Reform congregations released, “Mishkan T’filah.” Alyssa Chadow, an Alameda resident and member of Berger’s synagogue at Oakland’s Temple Sinai, took it for granted that a Braille version of the prayer book would be made available.

“I’d always had the prayer book in Braille, so I felt this was never an issue,” she said.

Rabbi Hara Person became publisher at the Central Conference of American Rabbis Press in the fall of 2008.

“In the past, CCAR would put out a book, and the Jewish Braille Institute would automatically Braille it,” Hara said. “But when ’Mishkan T’filah’ was published, because of what happened economically in the world, there was no funding available to do it, and there was nobody in the position of publisher at CCAR.”

Thus it was up to individuals to make it happen. Read on…

So All Jews Can Worship Together at the Kotel

As we prepare for Shabbat, for relaxation, spirituality and community, we take a moment to recognize that there are some who would like to dictate how all Jews should celebrate this holy day. In Israel, some ultra-orthodox are pressuring the Israeli government to transform Israel’s holiest religious sites into orthodox synagogues, excluding progressive Jewish women. Before, or after you celebrate Shabbat, take some time to read and speak out:

FROM: Rabbi Robert Orkand, ARZA President, Response to Interrogation of Anat Hoffman, Executive Director of IRAC
RE: Interrogation of Anat Hoffman, leader of Israel’s Women of the Wall

On behalf of almost a million and a half American Reform Jews, I react with dismay and alarm to the recent report that Anat Hoffman, leader of Israel ’s Women of the Wall, was interrogated and fingerprinted on January 6 by Jerusalem police. She was told that she may be charged with a felony for violating the rules of conduct at what many consider to be Judaism’s most sacred site. The action against Ms. Hoffman who is the Executive Director of the Israel Religious Action Center, follows on the arrest in November of Nofrat Frenkel a member of the Conservative movement and a medical student. The crime: wearing a tallit (prayer shawl) not at the Wall itself, but at an area that had been previously designated a place where Women of the Wall can gather for a once-a-month worship, as they have done for the past 21 years.

These recent actions at the Wall insult all Jewish women for they are being reminded, as they have so many times in the past, that they are second-class Jews at a place that is not a synagogue but rather, an historic site of great importance to all Jews, not just those who are Orthodox. The insults to which Women of the Wall have been subjected cannot be repeated in polite company. The fact that the police have seen fit to arrest women who went to the Wall for peaceful prayer and not those who have screamed that the Nazis should have murdered these women is a stark reminder of the lengths to which the ultra-Orthodox in Israel will go to force their religious practice on an entire nation.

One must wonder why the people of Israel tolerate a religious fanaticism that is no different than what we have witnessed in Iran and elsewhere. There have been riots on Shabbat by ultra-Orthodox Jews protesting the opening of a parking lot near the entrance to the Old City of Jerusalem. There have been riots in Jerusalem protesting the fact that an Intel plant operates on Shabbat. There are now segregated busses in Israel on more than 90 routes, with demands that the number of routes be increased. There is a growing crisis in Israeli education due to the fact that there is not a core curriculum required of every Israeli student, which means that increasingly students are being exposed to a narrow religion-based curriculum and are not learning the subjects that will allow them to function in a modern society. In short, Israel is the rare democracy today that tolerates and even worse endorses religious discrimination against Jews. The promise of Israel’s “Declaration of Independence that Israel will be a homeland for all Jews appears to be nothing more than a dream.

Make no mistake: What appears to be a growing religious crisis in Israel is as much a threat to Israel’s survival as are the external threats, perhaps more so. Israel has shown that she can protect herself from armies and terrorists. Protecting herself from religious extremism may be Israel’s biggest challenge—a challenge that cannot and must not be ignored by those who care about Israel’s soul.

____________________________________

FROM: Anat Hoffman, IRAC Executive Director—Personal Call to Action A Call to Action—Make the Wall for all Jews

On January 5th, 2010, I, Anat Hoffman, Executive Director of the Israel Religious Action Center, and leader of Women of the Wall was called in for questioning and fingerprinted by the Israeli police. They warned me that I was being investigated for the felony offense of wearing a tallit, and holding a Torah at the Western Wall.

My interrogation comes less than two months after the November 18th, 2009 arrest of the Women of the Wall member Nofrat Frankel for wearing a tallit and holding a Sefer Torah at the Wall.

We are asking you today to contact your local Israel Ambassadors and Consulates and tell them that you will not tolerate religious discrimination or be forced to practice the religious ideologies of the Ultra-Orthodox community. You can write your own letter or sign the letter we have attached. (see below)

Israel must understand that the will of a small fundamentalist minority cannot take the Wall away from Klal Yisrael.

  • Please send your letter to your Ambassador Michael Oren
  • Send a letter to your local Israeli consulate
  • Please also send this communication to your friends and family so that the message will come from as many people as possible
  • Other ways that you can show your support are to purchase a Women of the Wall tallit (Karen@irac.org) or by making a donation to IRAC’s work advancing Jewish pluralism and tolerance in Israel and fighting to end religious coercion and discrimination. http://www.irac.org/Donate.aspx
  • Lastly, organize a solidarity rally or prayer service for the Women of the Wall on the next Rosh Hodesh, Erev Shabbat January 15th 2010

____________________________________

Local and International Advocacy Action within the Jewish community

Dear________________________

On behalf of the Jewish people fighting for religious pluralism in Israel , I am outraged that one of our leaders, Anat Hoffman, was interrogated and fingerprinted by Jerusalem police on January 5th, 2010. Police told Hoffman, Executive Director of the Israel Religious Action Center and leader of Women of the Wall, that she may be charged with a felony for violating the rules of conduct at what many consider to be Judaism’s most sacred site.

Hoffman’s interrogation came less than two months after the November 18th, 2009 arrest of the Women of the Wall member Nofrat Frankel for wearing a tallit and holding a sefer Torah.

We will not tolerate this discrimination and abuse to continue among our own people. Women are treated as second-class citizens at a holy and historic place that has great symbolic importance for all Jews.

We are shocked by the brutal and callous insults to which Women of the Wall have been subjected. Many of these curses cannot be repeated in polite company. Israeli police have seen fit to arrest women who go to the wall for peaceful prayer, and make no attempt to reprimand those who spit and curse at them, a stark reminder of the power enjoyed by the Israeli ultra-Orthodox, and their success in forcing their religious practices on an entire nation.

If this were to happen in any other country in the world, the Jewish community would be up in arms. Israel is the rare democracy today that tolerates and even endorses religious discrimination against Jews.

Make no mistake: What appears to be a growing religious crisis in Israel is as much a threat to Israel’s survival as are the external threats, and perhaps more so. Israel has shown that she can protect herself from armies and terrorists. Protecting herself from religious extremism may be Israel’s biggest challenge—a challenge that cannot and must not be ignored by those who care about Israel ‘s soul.

We cannot allow this discrimination to continue any further. We must protect our religious rights in Israel.

Pass on our message to the Israeli government, that the Kotel is the beating heart center for the whole of the Jewish people, and not an Ultra-Orthodox synagogue. The arrest and intimidation of women praying at the Wall must stop and it must become a place in which all Jews can pray and connect spiritually to Israel.

Rosa Parks Redux? Why Can’t Women Wear a Tallit at the Western Wall: Israeli Reform Jewish Activist Questioned by Police

According to JTA,

Israeli police questioned a prominent Reform movement activist in connection with the wearing of prayer shawls by women at the Western Wall.

Anat Hoffman, the director of the Israel Religious Action Center, said she was fingerprinted Tuesday and that her case was being referred to the attorney general for prosecution.

Hoffman was brought in for her involvement in Women of the Wall, an activist group that presses for rights for women at Judaism’s holiest site.

“I think it was a meeting of intimidation,” Hoffman told JTA.

The interrogation follows the November arrest of Nofrat Frenkel, an Israeli medical student and Women of the Wall member who was detained after donning a tallit at the site.

Trifles are not Trivial


Written by Michelle November and Paul Kipnes on a New Year’s road trip up north.

Five years ago, at the request of our children’s paternal grandparents Papa and Lala, we took our 20%-off coupons to Bed, Bath and Beyond and purchased seven trifle bowls. At the time, we didn’t even know what a trifle was. But Papa and Lala were insistent that this dessert would be the biggest hit of all at our daughter’s Bat Mitzvah oneg (sweets) table.

And they were right who could resist the eye-catching dessert, comprised of layers of cake, pudding, brickle (heath bar crunch), and whipped cream or the same with fruit.

The clear glass bowls which showcased the delectible desserts survived two moves and months being lost in the far corners of the garage. Still, they made their appearance at the Bar/Bat mitzvah celebrations of each of our three children over five years. More significantly, the lasting power of these treats were that they were homemade for these special occasions by grandparents who reside on the other side of the country.

Along with the trifles, came 850 pieces of home baked pastries. Enough pieces to satisfy the sweet tooths of each of the 245 people who attended the service, and still leaving plenty of leftovers. Each child selected his or her favorites from amongst Lala and Papa’s creations: brownies, seven layer cookies, apple strudle, chocolate or cherry rugelach, chocolate-covers chinese noodle “spiders,” and more.

The crown jewel of the evening was the homemade challah, schlepped (lugged) through security on board the plane, all the way from Massachusetts.

Cooking and baking are two of Papa and Lala’s most authentic expressions of love. This baking is all the more appreciated by our children because the baking gene seems to skip our generation on both sides. So our kids get love and sweets regularly from their Cape Cod grandparents.

A sweater hand knitted by grandma might still look funny to the grandchild and they might not wear it But who can resist a sweet bowl of chocolate trifle and a piece of homemade fudge? And besides, the leftovers are delightful and no one complains when they are “forced” to eat a bowl of ice cream covered with crumpled brownies and pastries?

Our cantor sings that at each moment we “are standing on the shoulders of the ones who come before me.” For us, we are grateful that the pastries and trifles will remain sweet memories of the intense involvement of this set of grandparents has in the lives of our children. We are grateful too that our children appreciate it. So that even with a mouthful of fudge, they feel the love and warmth of their Lala and Papa.

Innovation and Tradition

Our Or Ami board explored the intersection between innovtion and tradition by looking at four teachings and deriving lessons about them.We discussed:1. What do these texts teach us about tradition and change, stagnation and innovation?2. What lessons might Or Ami take from these texts?The Hungarian halachic authority of two centuries ago, Rabbi Moses Sofer insisted that “Chadash asur min ha-Torah – innovation is forbidden by the Torah.”Jewish tradition teaches: Bechol yom yiheyu b’einecha k’chadashim – Every day should be in your eyes like new.Rabbi Simeon Maslin of Pittsburgh wrote: For the Torah to survive, it must grow. The mystics of old taught: “There are seventy faces to the Torah” (Zohar and Midrash). Some of those faces existed in antiquity, at the time of Moses, King David, the prophets, and Hillel. Others appeared among the marvelously creative Jewries of Babylonia, Spain, and Poland in their golden ages. Still others carried the scars of expulsions, pogroms, and the Shoah. And there are the faces of the here and now, for we too are compelled to confront the challenges of our contemporary world, as the Pharisees did, with both veneration for sacred tradition and the courage to innovate. [The Pharisees were the predecessors to the rabbis]To paraphrase Rabbi Alan David Londy of New York [possibly taking his words out of context]: If we stop innovating, Judaism will become lifeless. If we … innovate without a sensitivity of how our innovations impact [on others], we might be acting irresponsibly.Finally we reviewed this statement from Congregation Or Ami’s Vision and Values:Innovation/Chiddish: We delight in continuing opportunities to renew and transform our community, our traditions, our programs and ourselves.I am proud to be part of a community that values innovation even as we hold onto Torah and Jewish values as the foundation of our innovation.

What Do You Get When You Put 150 Rabbis Together in a Room?

What happens when you bring together 150 Reform Jewish rabbis under
one roof? Study, collegiality, strategizing, pedagogy, thinking about
synagogue life and Jewish community, best practices sharing and more.Specifically:
– a discussion about the narratives behind the Mishnah (Jewish legal
compilation) or how do real life concerns inform the Jewish legal
discussions – with HUC's Director of the Rabbinical program Dvora
Weisberg.
– camp committee meeting painting pictures/visions for camp for the
next 25 years.
– struggling with issues related to the interaction between church/
religion and state – with the leadership I'd Mark Pelavin, associate
director of our Religious Action Center.
– exploration of what Judaism and the Jewish community will look like
25 year from now and how we will address our concerns – with CCAR
Executive Vice President Steve Fox
– catching up with colleagues, sharing challenges, gaining suggestions
and solutionsThere is little that is more comforting professionally as a rabbi then
to take time away to retreat, reflect and thus rejuvenate with other
rabbis. Though we are only here at the PARR – Pacific Area Reform
Rabbis – convention for another 12 hours, it has been fabulous!

Innovating Jewish Community

Our religious communities should never fall into the pattern depicted above. And they do not have to do so…

When the author of the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes complains ein chadash tachat hashamayim – there is nothing new under the sun, he seems to express a disappointment, even frustration, perhaps with the stagnant routine into which his life descended. His insight stands in direct opposition to another strand of the Jewish experience, namely the search for chiddush, for the innovative idea. As the world changes, as our lives are transformed by these realities, we seek new answers and new connections with community and with divinity. Enter any Beit Midrash (Jewish study hall) around the world and you will find people searching the ancient words for a chiddush, new insight, to make life feel alive and meaningful.

Our synagogue, Congregation Or Ami (Calabasas, CA) – so energized and flexible – is a light for so many people in significant measure because of our commitment to remain vibrant and innovative. We eschew what has been described as Ecclesiastes’ cynicism. We embrace constant transformation, insisting that like the Israelites who left Egypt but retained a slave mentality, we will not become enslaved to the “way we have always done things.” We demand of ourselves petucha, openness, and self-reflection that looks at who we are and constantly strives to refresh and rejuvenate. Our cantor keeps abreast of the newest trends in Jewish music and melds old melodies with new harmonies to keep us humming a praise-song to the Holy One. Our rabbi attends seminars in person and online to keep reflecting, evaluating and refreshing our community. Our graduate student interns bring fresh perspectives from their teachers, the greatest thinkers of our generation. And our leadership and project chairs – committed to serving in a position no more than two years – seek out the energy and enthusiasm of all our members – veteran and new – to deepen the way our Or Ami community touches lives. This is how it should be.

Toward the end of his life, Ecclesiastes looked out at the world and resigned himself to routine. Or Ami looks out and sees opportunity and possibility, new ways to connect Jewish families to the Holy One, Torah, Israel and each other. That is why I am constantly energized by Or Ami and why Or Ami has a stellar reputation locally and nationally.

RAC’s Tep Ten List of Top Ten Lists

Our Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism (RAC) in Washington DC represents our progressive Jewish values in our nation’s capital. They educate, raise awareness, explain Jewish values regarding current issues, and help local congregations engage their Congresspeople on issues of concern.

They also write an engaging RACblog. RAC Press Secretary Kate Bigam wrote their List of the Top 10 Top 10 Lists. I loved it. What were your favorite lists?

1. Grist’s Top Green Stories of the ’00s
Like others, Grist decided to go a step beyond a simple “Best of 2009” list by covering the aughts in their entirety. Starting with the greening of Paris Hilton (among other celebs), the list takes a more serious tone when it lists the environmental movement’s newfound climate focus and American politicians’ newfound willingness to talk about climate as a serious legislative issue as among the top environmental stories of the decade. With the snappy catchphrase “Local gets vocal, organic goes manic,” it also includes a shout-out to the sustainable food movement, which the Reform Movement embraced this year at our Biennial Convention.

2. TIME Magazine’s Top 10 Religion Stories of the Year
Included in TIME’s “Top 10 of Everything of 2009” compilation is this gem of a list that includes year-toppers titled things like “Secularism of Bust.” Among them is “Keeping the Faith-Based,” highlighting President Obama’s decision to “create the new Presidential Advisory Council on Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships to weigh in on matters ranging from funding of social-service and poverty-alleviation programs to the more controversial issue of abortion reduction.” The RAC’s Director, Rabbi David Saperstein, was named by president Obama to serve on this council.

3. The International Women’s Health Coalition’s Top Ten Wins for Women’s Health and Rights in 2009
This list of the world’s advancements in women’s rights tackles issues in the Unites States, the UK, Bolivia, Nigeria, Cameroon, and Yemen, among others. But as blogger Lorena Espinoza Peña writes on Feministing.com, “As important as it is to celebrate victories surrounding women’s rights and health, it’s also important to acknowledge when there’s still much more work to be done.”

4. Odyssey Networks’ Top Interfaith Stories of 2009
Odyssey Networks asked its members, “Which activities and events of 2009 best illustrate the important and hopeful work being done by faith communities working together?” The list represents their recommendations along with the suggestions of the folks at Odyssey and is presented alphabetically rather than ranked – members are asked to vote on the story they feel is most important. In one story, “Speaking and Acting on Health Care Reform,” our own Director Rabbi David Saperstein is featured (photo above).

5. Religious Clause’s Top 10 Church-State, Religious Liberty Developments In 2009
Church-state blogger Howard M. Friedman, Professor of Law Emeritus at the University of Toledo, submits his choices for the biggest religious liberty stories of the year. “The choices are based on the long-range implications of the developments on legal doctrines and on future of relations between government and religion,” he writes. Highlights include the Rifqa Bary case, of a Christian teenager at odds with her Muslim parents, court cases against Scientology in France and Germany, and conservative Christian groups’ opposition to the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act.

6. Religion Newswriters Association’s Top 10 Religion Stories
More than 100 religion journalists voted President Obama’s June speech in Cairo, Egypt — in which he pledged a new beginning in Muslim-U.S. relations — the top religion story of the year. During his talk, Obama invoked the Qur’an, Talmud and the Bible while declaring that America was not at war with Islam. The second-rated religion story was health care reform; in addition to the top ten, the Religion Newswriters Association also compiled a list of 13 more noteworthy religion stories that made headlines this year.

7. Politics Daily’s Top 10 Economic Stories of 2009
The title reads “Jobs, Housing, Bailouts and — Yes — Tiger Woods,” so you know this is probably going to be a list a bit off the beaten path. Still, the first economic story listed is “‘Great Recession’ ends but unemployment hits 25-year high,” so golf stars aside, the list is still addressing the most pressing economic issues of our time – in a year when the economy has been a topic at the forefront of everyone’s minds. Other issues that make the cut in this arena include health care reform, the housing crisis, the UN Copenhagen Climate Conference, “tea parties” and more – including Tiger.

8. MSNBC’s “Decade’s Top 10 Political Lines”
NBC writers compile “what we consider to be the most memorable political lines/statements/quotes of the decade, which shaped or cemented perceptions, were repeated endlessly, and impacted American politics.” The usual political suspects make the list – Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, Vice Presidents Cheney and Biden, Presidential hopefuls John Kerry and John McCain, now-Secretary of State Clinton – but there are a few surprises, too, including some profanity. Most notably, keep your eye out from a famous two-liner yelled just this year on the House floor and even a political joke from an old Saturday Night Live alumna.

9. The Forward’s “The Aughts and Us: 2000-2009: A Look Back at What a Decade Brought”
Ten Jewish leaders write one paragraph each on 10 of the ways life changed for Jews in the first decade of the 21st century, from the Diaspora’s presence online (makes it easier to kibbitz, fundraise, etc.) to the lasting threat of terrorism brought about by September 11th (and it’s impact on Jews, in particular). The final write-up is from Rabbi Eric Yoffie, President of the Union for Reform Judaism, about the emergence of Birthright Israel. He says, “It has demonstrated that at a time when commitment to Israel is supposedly withering, even the most disengaged young Jews have a yearning for connection to the Jewish state.”

10. TIME Magazine’s Top 10 Editorial Cartoons of 2009
Who says politics isn’t animated? Rounding out our list of Top 10 Top 10 Lists is TIME’s compilation of the best visual jokes of the year, but don’t be fooled by imagery that invokes Saturday morning cartoons – each of these drawings packs a political punch that highlights the biggest gaffes and missteps of 2009.

2010 – New Year, Time to Count Blessings

As 2010 is underway, we have a 5 hour drive remaining from Palo Alto to home, so we tale this time to enumerate the blessings and joys of 2009:We Still have 4 grandparents who have very close relationships with our kids.
We still in love and enjoy being married to each other.
We still have 3 wonderful hildren who are growing and maturing in positive ways and who still love being Jewish.
We all have our health.
We both work in vibrant Jewish communities that we are proud to be part of and to be representing.
We have long friendships spanning two to four decades with people whom we don’t always see regularly but when we do they energize and sustain us.
We have made new close friendships in the past decade.
Our home is comfortable, dry and filled with our kids and their friends who like to sleep over.
We had an opportunity to travel extensively through the country – 20 states in 31 days in one minivan. We were hosted by good friends. We saw beautiful and intersting parts of our nation which inspired us.
Our baby became a Bar Mitzvah, making us very proud and bringing so many family and friends together
Our eldest applied to colleges and while we await answers, she made us proud by her perseverence and improved essay writing.
Our middle one became president of the temple youth group, evidenced significant leadership and growth.We look forward to the start of a secular new year and a new decade.
May this one bring more truth, promise and honesty than the last.What are the blessings you count from 2009?

Personal, Haimische, Computerized

Bar Mitzvah for child #3 went computerized. Not the Torah or Siddur (prayerbook), but just about everything else.

  • We created an online invitation using a Create Your Own Website template (maybe sometime in the future we will post it here for all to see). We made an online donation to an Israeli Nature organization equal to what we had saved not printing invitation (and saving trees).
  • We uploaded addresses and sent an online invitation to everyone we wanted to invite (at our son’s request, we sent my son’s friends a one page flyer, instructing them to go online to view the invitation and to RSVP). Truth be told, we might have missed a few older relatives who do not have email or computers.
  • People RSVP’ed online (a feature of the website).
  • We tracked who was coming with a computer program – Microsoft’s Excel.
  • He drafted his d’var Torah (speech) on his computer and, using “track changes,” received edits and advice from his rabbi (my friend).
  • We kept a list of who gave which gifts on the same computer program.
  • We allowed our son to – radical – type up his thank you notes in the same computer on which he writes everything in his life – his school papers, his emails to friends – using Microsoft’s Word. I recall rewriting so many thank you notes as a young Bar Mitzvah because either:

My handwriting was unreadable
I forgot to address someone as “aunt” or “uncle”
I thanked someone for attending who did not attend

  • Typed thank you notes also afforded us the opportunity to edit the notes easily. Very little copying and pasting really (though he did use a template he wrote and supplemented or changed from there). It was natural for him, personal for most recipients, and painless for us parents who had to make it happen. Miss Manners might frown on the typing and printing, but this kid types and prints everything else, why should his Bar Mitzvah experience be anachronistic?
  • We printed the thank you notes out on Thank you cards. And he signed each one personally.
  • Soon, we will review digital pictures as we read email (electronic) notes from friends kvelling about the service and celebration as our extended family Facebook’s the experience for posterity.

So, Torah read from ancient scrolls, while the celebration and party was organized digitally. Old and new, combined. It felt natural to him and his generation. Why not?

In Love with a Book

I am in love. Of course, with my wife, with whom I recently celebrated as our eldest turned 18, our baby became a Bar Mitzvah, and our middle one continues to be wonderful. Such simchas always bring forth the love.

I am also in love with a book, a novel about love, archeology, life and death. Zoe Klein’s first novel, Drawing in the Dust, has been called “a magically inventive archelogical expedition into love’s psyche” by Rabbi Lawrence Kushner. Like The Red Tent before it, this novel weaves Biblical stories – the book of Jeremiah – with modern midrash to create a tale that enthralls and even educates.

I confess that I learned more about archeology from this book than I have since leaving rabbinic school. Moreover, the book, simultaneously an exploration of death and life, challenged me to reconsider ideas about what comes after this life. All this, while being caught up in a fast moving, engaging book. Perhaps that is why Rabbi Harold Schulweis called it “an archelogical adventure which resurrects buries romance.”

Read the Jewish Journal and Ha’aretz review of the novel.
Read it for the romance.
Read it to reconnect to the Bible.
Read it if you are interested in learning from Zoe Klein, one of Los Angeles’ most inspiring rabbis.

I gave copies of the book to my mother and sister, two women who love to read and who love Judaism. My wife will be reading my copy next. Let me know what you think when you have a chance to read it too.

5 Questions to Ask Your Teens Before School Vacation

As his New Jewish Community High School students go off for winter and summer breaks, master educator Dr. Bruce Powell – founder and head of school for “New Jew” – asks his students to ask themselves these five questions:

-Is it safe?
-Is it legal?
-Does it make sense?
-Does it comport with our Jewish values?
-Can I proudly tell my parents, my grandparents, my Head of School what I did?

Writes Dr. Powell: “These are the questions I ask our students before we break for winter and summer vacation. I want them to think carefully before they do anything that can and most likely will affect their lives in a positive or negative way. Whether at a party, on a trip, visiting colleges, at camp, or just “hanging out,” if our children can answer “Yes” to all five questions before they act, and wherever they are in life, then we will certainly fulfill our school’s mission of “raising up Jewish leaders” for the future of our community and nation.”

Why do I send my kids to New Jew and strongly urge all parents of our synagogue teens to consider the school also? Yes, it is because it’s academics are very strong. Yes, it is because our students get into the top colleges and universities around the country (and New Jew has an excellent college admissions department). But mostly, because headed up by a talented educator who gets it, New Jew provides my kids – both my biological and synagogual kids – with the best advice on how to live healthy, valued Jewish lives.
Ask your teens to ask themselves these five questions when they go out for the evening or off for the weekend.
And check out www.ncjhs.org to discover one of Los Angeles’ best kept secrets.

Reflections on a Bar Mitzvah #1: Top Bar Mitzvah Moments

Acharon, acharon chaviv – the last, the last, is the sweetest.  So teaches our Cantor Doug Cotler to every family as they prepare their youngest child to become bar/bat mitzvah.  So true!  As our third child ascended the bimah to chant Torah, I was more open to the sweetness of the simcha than ever before.  There were so many brachot (blessings) during this weekend of celebration.  Among them…

My Top Favorite memories from our son’s Bar Mitzvah weekend:

D’var Torah Delivery: His written speech was good: Thoughtful, humorous, plenty of baseball references. His delivery, even more, was a home run. This kid milked every sentence with a gesture, facial expression, pregnant pause to capture and keep the congregation’s attention.  Although he and I spent some time reviewing delivery as did his fabulous Bar Mitzvah teacher Diane Townsend, it was my son himself who transformed it to the next level. I was very proud.  More, it was a new experience seeing this side of him!

Family: Our whole immediate family – excepting the girls in Israel – were here for the simcha. Weeks before, I asked God for just one thing – that there be four grandparents to be at the simcha.  Noah took note of the same gift when, the night before the service, he commented to his mom at how wonderful it was to have all four grandparents together.

Working Together:  With each of three children, my role – dad, rabbi, rabbi-dad (as my son so cutely called me) – changed depending upon their needs and my growing lack of needs. #1 confidently allowed me to open the service then step off the bimah to be “just dad” (holding Mom’s hand, kvelling).  #2, having watched me sit beside other BM kids and talk, joke, or reassure them thru the service, had me sit with him the whole service and then become dad at the Torah service. There was a pleasure that he wanted me by his side.  #3, wanted more involvement. After an initial meeting with his second rabbi-dad Rabbi Ron Stern, my son asked me to write d’var Torah with him. This one had the confidence to allow dad to work with him. More, he let me sit with mom during a few more moments of the service.  Roles changed for me with each one.  I’m pleased that the role depended upon the child’s desires.

Holding Hands: When my son and I sat next to each other on the bimah, we were sometimes smiling, sometimes teasing, sometimes holding hands. He initiated the hand-holding, not me. And, in his d’var Torah, he told everyone that he loves it when his mom called him “baby doll”.  You have to have some strong self-confidence to stand/sit before teenage friends to share the story that Mom calls you “baby doll” and to hold dad’s hand.

Tears: Overwhelmed just before the service began because of all those people, he turned to me and I talked/distracted/hoped him through the emotions that threatened to bring tears. When the service started, his courage kicked in. The rest – beautiful way he led, chanted and taught – is history, until the video comes back. He rose to the occasion.  No more tears again until the rabbis blessing.

Rabbi’s Blessing:  Like with other B’nai Mitzvah students, I blessed my own son before the ark. With so much to say privately, I just put my arms on my son’s shoulders, he leaned in, and we preceded to talk openly and honestly before the ark. So natural. So meaningful.  Staring into each other’s eyes, we shared something poignant, magical.  It was blessing during the time of blessing.

Party Set Up and Take Down: Though my wife did the yeoman’s work organizing, it took a village to set it up. Congregants laid out the 850 pieces of cookies and brownies my folks made. Friends helped set up and take down the decorations. Family helped set up chairs  – all 275 of them.  Our temple staff worked doubly hard to ensure that the synagogue “home” was its most beautiful. Colleagues played roles in the service, others sang.  It was a communal effort.

Opening Gifts:  Five days later my son still hasn’t opened all his gifts. Don’t get me wrong, he and we appreciate them all.  But you have to be impressed with a kid who finds meaning in the service and being with family and does not rush to open every present right away.