Category: blog archive

Red Sea Splitting: You Cannot Go Back By Seth Front

When in your life has the sea split (metaphorically) allowing you to walk freely into your life? This is the question I posed to our community (at Congregation Or Ami and our Facebook friends), as I prepared for Shabbat Shira (the Sabbath of Song) which remembers the splitting of the Red Sea. So many responses came through and I invited three people to share their insights. Seth Front shares his reflections below on “You Cannot Go Back”.




The whole process became a blogpost (Facebook Post becomes Serious Sermon). The services was recorded; Seth speaks at 27:28).

You Cannot Go Back, by Seth Front 

What I find interesting is not that the Red Sea parts and the Israelites walk through to a new life, but rather than the Red Sea closes behind them so that it is impossible to return to their old life in Egypt.

This is a perfect visual representation of what happens when we make important life decisions. Whether it is an active decision or a more passive “ah ha” moment of clarity, it is as if the sea parts for us so we can move forward to a life of fuller authenticity. These moments of actualization sometimes occur from great stress but just as often occur at a moment’s notice, as if an act of God.
Although these moments are life changing, it’s important to remember the other part of the allegory: the closing of the Red Sea, the closing off of our past life.

Sometimes a decision, an event or a realization is so life-altering that it is impossible to return to the way we once were, just like the Israelites couldn’t return to their lives of slavery in the “fleshpots of Egypt.” Who we are has changed, and as our perception of ourselves and the world changes, so too do our relationships. Having passed through the Red Sea, there’s no way we can go back to “business as usual.”

Some relationships will fall by the wayside while others will be changed both by how we perceive ourselves and also by how others will change in response to us. Either way, there’s no going back to the way we once were because that past no longer exists. It has been replaced by a new reality, a new perception of ourselves, and a new world.

And so, energized by the changes, and nervous about them too, we walk forward freely, saying: 

Mi Chamocha ba’eilim Adonai… – Who is like you O God.Norah tehilot, oseh felehAwesome and praiseworthy, doing wonders.

Facebook Post becomes Serious Sermon

OR: How the Whole World Planned this Shabbat’s Service

It all began two weeks ago with a simple question on Facebook:

Need sermon input. This week we read about the splitting of the Red Sea. When have you experienced a time when the seas split (metaphorically) for you so you could walk forward more freely into your life?

Who expected the depth of responses from all over the country?

When I left my husband
When I finally asked my Dad for a hug
When I came out
When I figured out how to balance career and family
When I began taking Lexipro
When I was marching in Washington to celebrate Marriage Equality
When I made aliyah to Israel and founded Kibbutz Lotan
When I returned to my first love, acting
When I began my new course of anti-anxiety medication
When my husband died and I had to figure it out for myself
When I found God and lost all that weight…

The private Facebook messages were even more revealing and poignant.

Welcome to the Social Sermon
So began another Social Sermon, an experiment which weaves text study and personal reflection through social media to create sermons and worship experiences that engage people in the preparation and giving of a sermon. On Yom Kippur, the whole congregation wrote its rabbi’s Rosh Hashana sermon. Thanks to inspiration from Jewish Techie Lisa Colton (and earlier the Covenant Foundation), we are trying it again to illuminate the lessons of Shirat HaYam.

This week, around the world, Jews are reading Shirat HaYam, the song of the sea, from the Torah portion Beshallach (Exodus 15). We are transported back to the future, as we read (chant/sing) the very same song that Moses, Miriam and the Israelites sang after they crossed through (some say: were crossing through) the Red Sea. It is a story overflowing with meaning – we can flee from pain; that like the Biblical Nachshon we need to take the first step; God still works wonders in mysterious ways; sing out your salvation with joy; sing out your salvation with sadness for those harmed by their own helplessness. This Torah portion cries out darsheini (“interpret me!).

Interpreting Torah through Song
Our amazing Cantor Doug Cotler has prepared eight different musical versions of the Mi Chamocha prayer-song, and invited a diverse group of congregants to participate: adult singers, congregant-composers, a LoMPTY teen songleader, a post-Bar Mitzvah student who would reprise his Torah reading of Shirat HaYam (the song of the sea), a cantorial student, a host of musicians, and so many kids who went to Jewish summer camp and would know and sing Debbie Friedman’s Miriam’s Song. We enjoy the music of Debbie Friedman, Doug Cotler, Sheryl and Daniel Braunstein, Kyle Cotler, Seth Marlon Ettinger, and “When You Believe” from Steven Spielberg’s Prince of Egypt.

Ripping off TED Talks
Following the power of TED Talks (where real people share real stories that teach rally powerful lessons), we are inviting real people to share their stories of when the sea split for them:

  • Congregant Seth Front reflects upon what we leave when we go through the Sea.
  • A friend from back east talks about when he finally asked his heart attack surviving dad for the hug he desired all his life.
  • A congregant 12-steps, sharing her experience of finding God and thus discovering a way past the overeating that was literally killing her.

Clergy from All Over Weigh In
Rabbinic Intern Jonathan Rothstein-Fisch, a uniquely talented soon to be ordained rabbi (whichever congregation hires him this year will have “stolen” one of our movement’s most precious gems), is weaving the metaphor of the sea splitting metaphor into his iyyunim (reflections) leading into the Mi Shebeirach prayer for healing and the Kaddish.

Over lunch at the PARR Rabbinical Convention, Stockton Rabbi Jason Gwasdoff and Cantorial Soloist Lindy Passer provided chomer ladrush, insights to illuminate lessons from the Torah portion and prayer-song.

Who Knows How the Service will Play Out
But we know this: that while the service won’t take place for another twelve hours, it seems to already have inspired so much reflection and connection between people all over the universe and our sacred Song of the Sea. That’s what prayer and study is supposed to be about, right?

Bring a friend to services this Shabbat for Shirat HaYam, as the sea splits to allow us freely to walk forth freely into our lives.

We are LIVE Streaming Services
If you absolutely cannot make it, we are streaming our services at www.OrAmiLIVE.com (thanks to Bronze Productions and Jacob Braunstein).

After services, go to Facebook or this blog to share your experience!

What’s My Most Recent Sea Splitting Experience?
This social sermon process has been an inspiring experience for me. Since I always work better as part of a team, I am able to expand the input, insights and iyyunim which inform my own study and preparation for these sermons and Shabbat services. The results – whether I actually speak the words or just guide others – are always uplifting and spiritually moving.

We Sent Our Kid to Camp Anyway… And He Loved It (by Marcy Cameron)

Ethan at center with Camp Friends

Camp Newman Through a Mother’s Eyes: Before and After
By Marcy Cameron

Before Camp – June 6, 2013

He Didn’t Want to Go
Our 7th grade son, Ethan, did not want to go to sleep-away camp, but after years of hearing Rabbi Paul Kipnes praise the value of URJ Camp Newman, my husband Clark and I were determined to send him anyway. Ethan’s “comfort zone” is home. New adventures tend to create anxiety for him. Even though he prefers going to school, hanging with friends and attending day camp, we felt that going to Jewish overnight summer camp would be an experience he would benefit from.

So we signed him up, covertly, for the first session, knowing Rabbi Kipnes, his wife Michelle, their own children, and many other kids from Congregation Or Ami (Calabasas, CA) would be attending during the same session.

Ethan was NOT Happy about this Decision
Rabbi Paul met Ethan beforehand for a pep talk; Or Ami teacher and former Camp Rosh Eidah (unit head) Jonathan Rothstein-Fisch sent him an encouraging text message.

Ethan was still NOT happy! I started collecting necessary items, I signed up for BunkNotes, and I even sent a care package the day before he left. Finally Ethan became resigned to the fact that camp was happening. He did not participate in packing and was quite sullen on the drive to the airport.

To help ease some of Ethan’s anxiety, I decided to fly up to Oakland Airport with him to meet the camp bus. There were probably 30 kids on the flight (and a few parents). The camp’s adult chaperone was friendly and answered some questions Ethan had about the flight home. Thankfully, Ethan spent the flight chatting with congregant and friend Lisa Friedman – a seasoned Newman camper!

Amazingly Warm Welcome by Camp Staff
The camp staff greeted the group at Oakland airport and everything was very organized. As Ethan was called into a group to load the bus, it was time for me to say goodbye! Of course hugs and kisses were exchanged much earlier – in private; after all, he is a 13-year old boy! So I gave him a “thumbs up” and off he went. I left for a lunch date in the city and enjoyed big glass of wine!

A few hours later Rabbi Paul texted a photo of Ethan at camp. I’m sure the smile on Ethan’s face was coerced for the camera, but I have no doubt that sending him to Camp Newman was the right decision. 13 days of his life! I have no worries about how he his doing up there. I know that even if he is having the time of his life, he won’t want to admit it, but I will know anyway! After all, I am his #1 fan – I’m his mom!

After Camp – July 11, 2013

Ethan (on left) with Camp Friends

“The Food was Good”
I remember that the envelope from Ethan came on Day 11! Two pieces of paper from a small note pad I had sent in a care package. A few brief scribbles about the rain, a pool party, wearing white on Shabbat, and the Dan Nichols concert. Ethan said the food was good and he did the ropes course! I don’t think I have ever smiled wider!

Ethan does not speak effusively about anything – not even his first love, baseball. But when he came home from Camp Newman on Sunday, he didn’t stop talking. From the time we picked him up at the airport until he went to bed, he told us every detail about camp! He took close to 300 pictures. So we set the computer up to watch through the TV and Ethan narrated each and every photo!

Of course, Ethan is Ethan. When friends and family ask him about camp, he gets that coy smile on his face and tells them “it was good.”

Did Camp Change Him??? 
Well, he’s still Ethan. 14 years old, stubborn, and still picky about food, but he seems to have developed a quiet confidence. His older sister, Jessa, has noticed the newfound confidence at the day camp they both attend. Now, Ethan is trying new activities and is well liked by his counselors.

I’ve read so many parenting articles about letting your children be who they are and I had so many friends ask how I could send him to camp when he didn’t want to go. Well, I can now say with no hesitation…

Best Decision I Ever Made!
 Going to Camp Newman gave Ethan the opportunity to get out of his “comfort zone.” And he succeeded. He did it! That knowledge is now within him and cannot be denied.

Will he go next year??? Well, typical for Ethan, he won’t commit yet but I think there’s a good chance that he will want to go back. I’m starting a Camp Fund jar!!!

Looking Ahead – January 2, 2014

Yes, Ethan’s Returning to Camp
Ethan has made the decision on his own to return to Camp Newman. He had fun and looks forward to the experience again. What a joy. What a gift.

Thank you Camp Newman – your counselors, your Rosh Eidah, your directors – for helping my son Ethan have an away from home success. I cannot wait to see how he grows up next summer.

Thank you Rabbi Paul Kipnes and Rabbi Julia Weisz, for encouraging me to send Ethan, and for holding our hands – mine too – through the initial anxiety and challenge. Best Decision I Ever Made.

Camp Newman, My Holy Community by Amanda Front

Amanda Front (left) at Camp Newman
with friend Jacqui Osborn

Amanda Front, a teenager at Congregation Or Ami, joined her father Seth Front for a trip to Orange County, CA to promote URJ Camp Newman to kids at Temple Beth David in Westminster, the temple where Seth’s father Henri Front served as Rabbi. Amanda reflected upon her first summer there. What she wrote was so beautiful, and delivered so eloquently, we had to share it with everyone who was such a big part of her first summer at Camp Newman.





The URJ Camp Newman Experience By Amanda Front

“URJ Camp Newman.”

Just hearing those words brings a smile to my face and precious memories into my head. The highlight of my summer was spending two weeks at Camp Newman. This was my first time ever going to sleep-away camp and I am already counting down the days until I go back to camp next summer: 234 days!!!

The staff is amazing! The counselors are the best! They are responsible, fun, friendly, and caring. They are always there to talk to and have fun with like a friend, and then when it comes time to do something important, they are very responsible and professional.

Being that this was my first time at camp, I was very nervous and not sure I wanted to go. I was going to have to go on a plane without my parents. I was scared I was going to land at the Oakland airport and not know where to go. But right when we got off the plane, we saw camp counselors awaiting our arrival, greeting us with smiling faces!!! I knew at that moment that this would be an amazing experience.

Shabbat at camp is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced in my whole life. The whole camp dresses in white and we have an amazing service. My favorite part is when the counselors bless us. They sing a blessing and hold tallit over our heads. This is so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes, knowing I was in such a special place with amazing people.

Dan Nichols is a Jewish singer/songwriter. We sing his songs at camp and he comes to camp every summer to share his music with us. One of his songs perfectly describes the Camp Newman experience: “When I reach out to you and you to me, we become B’tzelem Elohim.” Camp is a Kehillah Kedosha, a holy community, where you feel like you are a part of something special…and you are. I encourage all of you to become part of the Camp Newman “holy community” with me this summer.

Consider sending your child to Camp Newman for part of the summer.

Diagnosis with Alzeheimer’s or Dementia: A Prayer

Alden Solovy, a gifted liturgist, wrote a new prayer to be said upon receiving a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s or Dementia. As with all his prayers, it is heartfelt and beautifully written. His work is available on his To Bend Light, an overwhelming collection of poems for today.

I share this prayer with you here, in memory of my grandma Esther Kipnes who died many years ago from this horrible disease. I shared her story in Broken Fragments: Jewish Experiences of Alzheimer’s Disease through Diagnosis, Adaptation, and Moving On (Doug Kohn, editor, URJ Press).

Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Dementia

In stages,
I am told,
In stages I will lose my words,
My memories,
My ability to care for myself,
My connection with my family,
My connection with myself.

G-d of compassion,
Stand with me in the days ahead.
I am [frightened/angry/sad /confused/defiant][add a description of your emotions].
Grant me time to remain
Mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally present
For my family,
For my friends,
And for myself.

Grant healing power to my treatments
To keep this disease at bay.
Give my physicians knowledge and insight
And my caregivers skill and perseverance.
Grant scientists and researchers tools and understanding
To develop new treatments,
Speedily, in our day.

Ancient One,
I need Your care,
Your consolation,
And your loving hand.
G-d of old,
You are my Rock and Redeemer.

© 2013 Alden Solovy and www.tobendlight.com. All rights reserved.

Please consider purchasing Alden’s new book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

I’m Not So Religious this Christmas

It is Erev Christmas (Christmas Eve), and I’m at home.
No plans to go out to a movie.
No desire to eat Chinese food.

I’m feeling a little guilty but I’m not really feeling very religious this year.
Does this make me a bad Jew?

Many words have been written about why Jews eat Chinese food on Christmas. Rabbi Joshua Plaut penned an article about it.  One researcher wrote a 100 page research paper on it.

We have the famous interaction between Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagen and ornery South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham during which he asked her where she had been last Christmas and she replied, “You know, like all Jews, I was probably at a Chinese restaurant.”

Oh, and there is the wonderful YouTube video Chinese Food on Christmas from a few years back.

I’m debating going for Thai food tomorrow on Christmas day, but I hear there is a ferocious debate raging in the Conservative Movement’s Committee on Jewish Law and Standards regarding whether Thai (or Japanese or Korean) food fulfills the mitzvah.  While I’m a proud Reform Jew, I am open to and often influenced by their decrees.

Traditions come and go, and observance rises and falls. Tonight I’m going to snuggle up on the couch and watch TV… There’s always next year.

Turning 50: My Community Honors Me

I turned 50 today. 5-0. The big half century.

In honor of this simcha, my Congregation Or Ami (Calabasas, CA)  sent out this letter to invite people to help celebrate my big birthday in a particularly meaningful way:

December 2013 | Kislev 5774  

Our beloved Rabbi Paul Kipnes turns the big 5-0 (yes, fifty) on December 23rd. Help us celebrate it in a way that will be inspiring and meaningful to him. Help us sustain the sacred work that he has made the center of his rabbinic life.

Rabbi Paul has not talked much about his birthday, so we asked his wife, Michelle, about how our Rabbi is planning to celebrate this milestone. Michelle noted that he has been surprisingly mellow about turning 50, saying that he feels happy and fulfilled in his life.

We wondered what we could do to help Rabbi Paul celebrate his half-century achievement. We know that next to his family (and his iPhone), it is Congregation Or Ami that truly brings him joy. The Jewish goodness that our synagogue brings into this world – deep Torah teaching, warm communal caring, meaningful social action work, and inspiring Jewish spirituality – goes a long way toward fulfilling the hopes and dreams that Rabbi Paul has made his life’s work.

Putting our heads together, we realized that no present would make Rabbi Paul feel more blessed on his 50th birthday than to know that we, the people whose lives he touches and guides spiritually, continue to partner with him to sustain the synagogue that he holds so dear.

Last June, Rabbi Paul and Michelle donated Or Ami $5,000 as their way of supporting the synagogue’s financial security.

Now, in honor of his 50th birthday, we are inviting the entire congregation to join together to donate $50,000 ($1,000 each for the 50 years) to support Congregation Or Ami. All the tzedakah will support Or Ami’s important work and groundbreaking programs.

Please think about all the incredibly meaningful ways that our Rabbi has touched our lives, guided our community, and ensured the continuation of our Jewish values.

Then join us in making a significant leadership gift, so that on December 23rd, we can present Rabbi Paul with the funds that will be an integral part of the synagogue’s future. You may donate online (www.orami.org/donate) or call Barbara Gordon at the synagogue (818-880-4880).

Rabbi Paul doesn’t want a car, vacation, or even a new iPhone for his birthday. But we know he will be thrilled that his congregation has stepped forward at year-end to preserve the financial security of our synagogue. 

We look forward to hearing from you soon. Wishing you a bright Chanukah and a healthy, joyful (secular) New Year.

Warmly,

President Hedi Gross
VP Heidi Friedman
Cantor Doug Cotler
Rabbi Julia Weisz

I think I’m going to have a whole bunch of thank you notes to write. I cannot wait!

Ezra Network: Helping Our Own Community

We all need help sometimes – The Ezra Network is now here to help. “Ezra” means help in Hebrew. When it’s easy to get, that mean everything!

If you’re facing economic problems or living with the challenge of helping an aging parent or a teen in trouble, you’re not alone. Now, here at our synagogue, you can get help with financial assistance and government program eligibility, access to one-on-one sessions with a social worker, legal counselor or job counselor, as well as referrals for other services and information about upcoming workshops. It’s all there for you – in private – and it’s free.

Contact one of our Ezra Network professionals today:

These services are available for Congregation Or Ami members, guests and the general community. For maps, directions, and a listing of other resources available in the community, please visit www.JewishLA.org/Ezra.

Working with synagogues, The Ezra Network is an initiative of the Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles in partnership with Jewish Family Service, Bet Tzedek Legal Services and Jewish Vocational Service. The Ezra Network is funded by the Jewish Community Foundation of Los Angeles and the Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles.

Private First Class Eric Moraly Shares Jewish Pride at the Army & Navy Academy

Cadet Eric Moraly (center) standing in full uniform 

I love it when our Congregation Or Ami young people take pride in and share their commitment to being Jewish.

See the young man in uniform standing in the center of the group of cadets? That is Eric Moraly, a member of Congregation Or Ami, who attends Army & Navy Academy in Carlsbad, CA. A cadet, Eric is currently a Private First Class.

His mother Dana Moraly knew that they were going to be handing out Christmas stockings to all of the cadets at the December holiday party, so she sent Eric gelt and dreidels to give to everyone.

His mother recounted what happened next:

As the party got going, they asked Eric to come up and explain what Chanukah was. According all repots, Eric very eloquently told the story of Chanukah to the 340 other cadets. A fair number of foreign students from Asia, Africa, and elsewhere attend the Army & Navy Academy. Many of them have never even met a Jew before.  They especially appreciated learning about Judaism from him. 

Eric became a Bar Mitzvah at Congregation Or Am and is an alum of URJ Camp Newman.  A quiet young man, Eric has blossomed in the Army & Navy Academy and has aspirations to be a leader in that program. His parents are so proud that while Eric is being exposed to many different cultures, he is not turning his back on his own. He lets everyone know that he is Jewish and is in no way embarrassed to be different from this largely Christian environment that he is living in.

At Congregation Or Ami, we take pride that Eric takes pride in being Jewish. And we are thrilled to hear about how our young people are going out into the world and bringing their Jewish values with them.

Do you have a story about how your children have embraced their Judaism? Do tell!

So Much Space on Summer 2014 URJ Birthright Israel Trips

The URJ is offering unprecedented access to its KESHER Birthright Israel trip for summer 2014. Never before has it been easier to sign up for or participate in a URJ Kesher Birthright Israel trip.

I had the pleasure of explaining the possibilities at the URJ Biennial convention. Learn more about the process below:

 

Now encourage your friends, congregants and family members (who are eligible) sign up beginning February 4, 2014 at www.GoKesher.org

5000 Jews Praying Together: Cathartic and Inspiring


It’s not often that a rabbi gets to sit back off the bimah and lean into inspiring prayer. The constant responsibility for creating T’filah for others, partnering with a cantor and other shlichei tzibur (prayer leaders), draws our attention everywhere but our own spiritual selves.

And then there are moments like this morning’s shacharit service at the Biennial Convention of the Union for Reform Judaism: 5000 Jews, Jewish families and gerei toshav (others dwelling amongst us) lifting up our voices and hearts and bodies and to praise the Holy One who brought us together. I felt like I was at Camp Newman, and back in NFTY and right here, an adult feeling intensely youthful and openly spiritually engaged.

Movement and song, chorale and instrument, word and stories and silence invited each of us to find moments of meaning that spoke to our souls. The leaders were amazing; the experience transcendent.

When the Torah was chanted simultaneously from multiple bimot (stages), the multivocality of Jewish text and tradition suffused the sacred space, bringing ancient words to life.

For this rabbi, this Biennial service was cathartic and refreshing. It served as a reminder that in the midst of the rush to create and the pressure to push forward, there is also an imperative to step back and slow down.

After we turn from more Shabbat study and more spiritual search, back into thoughtful exploration of how to enhance and deepen the Jewish world, I for one will return to this sacred work energized, engaged and inspired.

Thank you Rabbi Rick Jacobs, Rabbi/Cantor Angela Warnick Buchdahl, Liz Lermen, Amichai Lau-Levinger, Merri Lovinger Arian, Josh Nelson, Cantor Rosalie Boxt, the instrumentalists, chorale and everyone behind the scenes – and my fellow daveners – for creating a sukkat shalom – a sanctuary of peace – in which I could finds wholeness and holiness. Shabbat shalom.

If I’m Freezing and I’m Worried

I am freezing.

Either global warming has finally transformed Southern California or winter has arrived. No matter the reason, just know that it is darned cold here.

No, we are not talking about Midwest cold, which today is hovering around 16 degrees. Nor are we talking about Eastern seaboard cold, which can mix below freezing temperatures with ice-y, slushy painful cold. Rather, I am kvetching (complaining) about the California cold, which occurs whenever the thermometer dips below 65 degrees.

(I know that I am engaging in a mostly meaningless West Coast kvetch (complaint). Usually, I try to downplay our awesome So Cal weather and quietly endure the cold spells. After all, the last time I gloated about our weather to my brother on Cape Cod, I awoke to the destructive shaking of the 1993 earthquake. So I no longer gloat about weather. I just enjoy it in silence.)

I am worried.
You shouldn’t worry. I will be fine. I have my warm jackets, insulated home, and plentiful heat. Yet, I think about all those families who don’t… especially those who live below the poverty line. And the kids who wear only hand me down clothes, and have to pile on sweatshirts to get through a cold night. And the older people who need government assistance just to heat their homes. I think about the 100 at-risk kids from New Directions for Youth, who just last week we took on a shopping spree through Kohl’s department store to provide them with new clothes and maybe even a new toy for the holiday approaching.

This morning, as I left the house, I was able to chose among three different coats to find the one that would both keep me warm and keep me stylish. Not so for those kids or those older adults, or the many who spend what little money they have on food and other subsistence items.

That’s why, when I get home tonight, my wife and I plan to go through our closets and those of our children, to pick out the extra coats that we don’t wear or don’t really need. We will bring those extra coats over to Congregation Or Ami and donate them to needy families through a kid-run organization, Jill’s Coats for Kids.

Imitating God

Sabrina and Chelsea Stone
with Jill’s Coats for Kids Bin

We have a chance to address these worries and Judaism goads us to do just that. Our Talmud (Sotah 14a) explains, “Just as the Eternal clothes the naked as God did with Adam, so you clothe the naked; just as the Eternal visits the sick as God did with Abraham, so you visit the sick; just as the Eternal comforts the bereaved as God did with Isaac, so you comfort the bereaved; just as the Eternal buries the dead as God did with Moses, so you bury the dead.” We are invited to be imitatio die (imitators of God), living out Jewish values by acting in ways that God has acted. Simply put, (as we learn in the Midrash), “Just as the Eternal One is gracious and compassionate, so you be gracious and compassionate.”

Jill’s Coats for Kids
Jill’s Coats for Kids was the creation five years ago of two Congregation Or Ami (Calabasas, CA) kids, 12-year-old Sabrina and 9-year-old Chelsea Stone, two Or Ami California kids, who collected over 150 coats last winter to bring warmth to needy children. According to their website,www.jillscoatsforkids.com, they created this organization in honor of their “grandmother, Jill Stone, who started a coat drive in Dallas, Texas. We thought it would a good idea to help children who need coats in our community, too.” Jill’s Coats for Kids emulates the Jewish values we work so diligently through our Or Ami Center for Tikkun Olam to instill in the hearts and minds of our children.

The girls’ dad Rob Stone explained:

This has been a fantastic experience for Sabrina and Chelsea and a great reminder that this time of year is about giving and helping others and not all about shopping and getting presents. They have personally distributed some of the coats to the children over the years and they loved seeing their faces light up when they get a new coat.

Jill’s Coats for Kids goads us to take a simple act – donating our old, used coats to people in need – and thereby be gracious and compassionate. In doing so, we raise up others and then our own lives toward holiness. As we declare whenever we say a blessing – asher kiddishanu b’mitzvotav – who makes us holy through sacred actions – when we do holiness, we become holy.

Please Act Now
So I invite you to emulate the Holy One and help clothe modern day Adams (and Eves and their descendants). Clean out your closets of old and used coats, and bring them to Congregation Or Ami by December 24th. Sabrina and Chelsea Stone and their parents with ensure that the coats get to people who need them. (If you cannot get over to Or Ami, contact Rob Stone and he will arrange to pick them up.)

We may not succumb to frostbite in our 54 degree weather, but we do sense the discomfort. Let’s help others survive the frost that surrounds us by warming them with our coats and our compassion.

Whatcha Waiting For??
Head over to Jill’s Coats for Kids where your most pressing questions will be answered.
Or read about last year’s donation drive.

Parenting without a Manual OR 5 Pieces of Jewish Guidance (so you don’t kill ’em)

Joseph, the once-favored child of Jacob, rises up from slave and prisoner to become Pharaoh’s right hand. He assumes responsibility for a far-reaching 14-year business plan to ensure that after seven years of plenty, Egypt would be prepared to endure the seven years of famine. Once an egocentric young man who drew the enmity of his brothers, so much so that they almost killed him — literally — Joseph develops expertise necessary to successfully navigate complex managerial responsibilities. Ultimately, Egypt will thrive because of Joseph’s proficiency as a politically connected businessperson. Joseph was truly blessed.

Then more blessing comes Joseph’s way. Joseph and his Egyptian wife, Asenath, bring two sons into the world.

We imagine Joseph being overjoyed as children enter his life. We dream about the nachas (pride) he feels. And, like so many parents back then and now, he also probably felt overwhelmed. Although Joseph was very successful as a businessman, he had little helpful guidance on how to be a good parent.

His father, Jacob, was a poor role model; Torah speaks frankly about Jacob’s lackluster parenting skills. When Joseph brags to his brothers and parents that they will all bow down to him, Jacob is silent in the face of Joseph’s egotism. Does this lead to the subsequent plan to sell Joseph into slavery? Following the rape of Dinah, Jacob’s inability to respond — again he was silent — might have allowed for the brothers’ overkill against the people of Shechem.

Yes, Joseph is extremely underprepared for his new role as a parent. Yet, Proverbs expresses the long-term significance of our actions as parents: “Train up a child in the way she should go and even when she is old she will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Thankfully, later generations find guidance in later Jewish texts.

Talmudic Wisdom on Raising Children

In the Talmud, our Rabbis delineate five (or six) central obligations incumbent upon all parents:

A parent has the following obligations towards a child — brit, to circumcise him [others add: or enter her into the brit/covenant], pidyon ha-ben, to redeem him if he is a firstborn, to teach the child Torah, to find the child a spouse [others add: a partner], and to teach the child a craft or a trade. And there are some who say that a parent must also teach the child how to swim.  (Talmud, Kiddushin 29a)

Contemporary Jewish Wisdom on Parenting

Recently, parents gathered under the auspices of the Or Ami Center for Jewish Parenting to consider the role and responsibilities of parenthood. With children in nursery school through high school, these parents engaged the Kiddushin text to understand the wisdom of our ancient rabbis’ teachings.

Then, assuming the role of parenting coaches, they listed five essential responsibilities for parents today:

  1. Guiding, not befriending: Parents are guides, not friends or buddies. Eventually, our children will do what they choose, so parents are responsible to help guide our kids toward their own good decision-making. We do this by being loving, intentional, values-based and expansive as we guide our children.
  2. Remembering kids are kids: Children — teens especially — are hormonally driven, peer-pressured, biologically unfinished and emotionally evolving. Our children will face almost every challenge we can imagine and will be constantly seduced to try to follow their urges. We help set limits, because when parents treat their children as fully formed adults who can make their own decisions, we set them up for failure.
  3. Providing strength: Parents set expectations clearly and follow through on consequences because children need and most often (secretly) desire clarity and limits. Consequences should be clear, firm and situationally appropriate. Only then do parents provide the strength and excuse to keep kids from making decisions that are not in their best interests and/or are not what their higher selves really want to do.
  4. Truth-telling: Parents should always tell the truth to their children, because it ensures that they will know they can always trust us. Nonetheless, complete openness is not necessary as it is usually not age- and situationally appropriate. Sharing partial truth without lying, or not answering certain questions because they are private, is preferred to lying. (Think: Mom, did you ever smoke weed?)
  5. Upholding Jewish values: Judaism teaches age-appropriate moderation in most situations. Specific values guide parenting: b’tzelem Elohim (being created in the image of God) expresses the intrinsic value and worthiness of every person, emet (truth-telling), shmirat ha’guf (care of our body, mind and spirit), chesed (kindness), tzedek (do what is just or right), chaim (affirming life) and shalom (seeking wholeness).

So, like Joseph, manager extraordinaire, many of us become new dads and moms. Amid the joy and wonder, may we remember our parental responsibilities so that our children can grow into ethical, resilient, compassionate adults. Then we will truly be blessed.