Tag: Or Ami

Former Foster Child Reflects Upon Receiving Mitzvah Day Comfort Bag

  Ever wonder how our Mitzvah Day “Comfort Bags” impact the lives of the kids who receive them. The 325 “Comfort Bags” we create are handed to children as they are removed from their homes to protect them from abuse or neglect. They enter the foster care system with little to nothing, except the “Comfort Bag” we fill with clothes, books, journals, toiletries, toys, a hand-decorated pillowcase, and a personalized greeting card.

Recently, at a Campfire Shabbat service, we heard from a young mother named “America,” who spoke about her journey into foster care, and what receiving a “Comfort Bag” would have meant to her. America was so touched by her experience of sharing her story with our congregation, that she sent this letter to the congregation:

A Letter from America
Dear Friends,


First of all I want to thank every single one of you for sharing with me that beautiful night full of joy. I also want to tell you a little bit more about myself, and a little about what I had in my heart to say but couldn’t because I was so nervous.

Congregation Or Ami’s Campfire service was my first time speaking before a group. For a few minutes I was only able to hear my heart beating in my chest, but I knew in my heart that I was in front of a group of great people. People who are willing to help innocent, helpless kids who are going through what could be the worst experience in their lives.

The kids don’t see it as the system is helping them. They see it as the system is taking them away from their families, and as everybody would agree FAMILY is by far the most important and real thing a human being can have. Family is what helps us survive in this world. If you lose that, you are left with nothing to live for. We feel unprotected, defenseless, and, to some degree, naked. That is why I believe in my heart that what you are doing for these kids is huge.

As for me, like I mentioned at the campfire service, the foster care system was the best thing that could have ever happened to me at that moment in my life. By then, I had already lost my family, meaning my mom. The aunt I was living with would abuse me all the time. So when I was taken to my new (foster) home, it was just perfect. I know that not all the kids end up in a good (foster) home but I was lucky enough to have taken to a beautiful family – a mom and her son. It was perfect for me.

After that, all the things that kept coming to my life were just blessing. Amazing people – just like you – that I encountered, changed my life forever. I was also blessed with Jessica Ambroz, who was my social worker at that time, and who is now my best friend, my mentor, my savior at times, and who I love deeply. It is because of people like you and her that my life changed to something good. To something closer to being a normal kid. It built my character; it healed my heart. Therefore, I want you to know that it is making a big difference in the lives of these kids because you are proving to them, letting them know, that out in the world there is someone who DOES care for their well being, who is not taking away something, but is providing for them. And if its something so personalized like the Mitzvah Day Comfort Bags, it’s even more powerful and more meaningful. It’s a positive seed of love and kindness that you are planting in their souls.

For sure it’s going to take their innocent minds off of that bitter moment they went through when they were taken away. And if it doesn’t at that moment, one day in their lives they’ll recognize and realize what a great gesture it was and maybe, just maybe, they will also want to support a good cause just like you are doing now.

I was a victim once but because of people like you, my life changed. Now, because of that, every time that I have the opportunity, I help others. I hope one day to be able to provide a loving family to one of those kids that need it. As for now, I’m looking for the opportunity to move forward everyday to provide for the beautiful family of my own. But I know that one day, God will provide for me and my family to help a few kids in this life. 

Thank you again. Don’t forget that you are changing a life!

Come Volunteer at Mitzvah Day
On Sunday, November 4th, we gather at Congregation Or Ami to fill Comfort Bags for young people. We remind ourselves of the Jewish imperative to “care for the stranger, the orphan and the poor.” We remember that each child, created b’tzelem Elohim – in the image of God, is valued and worthy. We move from the desire to help, to the act of helping. Join us on November 4th from 11:00 am-1:00 pm.

View pictures from previous Mitzvah Days.

3 Jewish Institutions Collaborate on 1 Amazing Dr. Wendy Mogel Lecture

Walking out of the lecture by Dr. Wendy Mogel on “Raising Resilient Kids”, one couldn’t help but be changed. The author of Blessings of a Skinned Knee and Blessings of a B- regaled the assembled adults with stories of parenting gone wild and confidently, sometimes sarcastically reminded us to let our kids be kids. Perfection she implied, acceptance into Harvard she instructed is not the measure of healthy, well adjusted children.

Time to Have Another Child!?
I overheard the parent of 2 college students comment, “I learned so much tonight that I almost want to have another kid, just so I can raise one correctly.” Another quipped, “I was laughing so hard that I didn’t even feel guilty as I recognized the all unhelpful (parenting) habits I’ve developed.”

Yes, a standing room only lecture by two-time New York Times best selling author and parenting expert, psychologist Dr. Wendy Mogel engaged 305 adults for an hour plus session of self-reflection.

A Mirror into our Parenting Style

As Mogel held up a big mirror to all the adults, we nonetheless laughed at ourselves. We reflected upon our parenting styles. We realized that we were not alone in the wonderful, frustrating decidedly unscientific process of raising kids. But that wasn’t the only measure of success that evening.

Elements of a Successful Partnership
The other measure of excellence was that this expensive undertaking was the result of a growing partnership between three overlapping Jewish organizations – Calabasas’ Congregation Or Ami, Woodland Hills’ Kadima Jewish Day School and Malibu’s Shalom Institute/JCA Shalom. Three institutions, each dedicated to nurturing healthy, educated, moral Jewish kids, got together to hold what assuredly will be the first if many lectures on Jewish parenting. And the partnership was energizing.

To what do we attribute the success of this emerging partnership?

  • Choosing a timely topic and a well known, accomplished speaker 
  • Sharing the costs, and thus increasing the motivation to turn out greater participation among multiple organizations 
  • An agreement to share equally any revenue 
  • Shared publicity responsibilities – one made the registration website, one made the flyers, another wrote the press release 
  • Checking our egos at the door 
  • Providing each institution and it’s leaders equal one in the spotlight 
  • Increasing the pool of volunteers by bringing together three institutions 
  • Agreeing to leave our educational “silos” for shared successes

A Promising Next Step for Or Ami’s Center for Jewish Parenting
For Congregation Or Ami, this parenting session is one of many over the years sponsored by our Center for Jewish Parenting. Designed to offer well received and well attended lectures, the Center for Jewish Parenrting has hosted New Community Jewish High School’s Dr. Bruce Powell, and by other local parenting experts. This partnership with overlapping institutions offers an exciting next step for educating Jewish adults for the next generation.

Putting the Edge Back into Education

Educator Avram Mandel and Rabbi Julia Weisz

Seven other educators, Rabbi Julia Weisz and I sit together with convener Eve Fein as part of the Clinical Faculty meeting at the Rhea Hirsch School of Jewish Education of Hebrew Union College in Los Angeles. We gather a few times a semester to reflect upon the field of Jewish education and to improve our own work as Jewish educators.

This fall, we are focusing on studying Milton Chen’s Education Nation. [Read KQED’s interview with Milton Chen.]  Chen argues that we must “move the innovation occurring on the edges of our school system to occupy the center…”. Moreover, let’s “put the edge into education and create a sense that teaching and learning are exciting, contemporary and cool. As its most important enterprise, education should be on the ‘cutting edge of society, technology, and culture, rather than trailing other sectors.'”

Chen writes about 6 edges of education:

  1. Thinking edge – move toward a child centered approach 
  2. Curriculum edge – go beyond “subject matter silos,” and embrace project-based learning 
  3. Technology edge – face the “death of lectures” 
  4. Time/place edge – learning happens beyond the classroom walls, beyond discrete time periods, beyond a specific time of day 
  5. Co-teaching edge – increase teacher professional development 
  6. Youth edge – they have mobile computers in their pockets, how are we using them? 

These edges, Chen says, should be drawn into the center of educational thinking and work.

A worthwhile read, Chen’s Education Nation, pushes educational innovation in our public schools. Similarly, his perspectives necessarily shine light on the practice of Jewish education.  It raises many helpful questions to reflect back on Or Ami’s educational process. (A great institution – whether business, educational or religious – should always be reflecting upon its own work, vision, processes, successes and failures.).

  • How might we place the child at the center of his/her Jewish learning, especially as our teens? 
  • In what ways might the synagogue introduce project based learning into our curriculum? 
  • We usually tell our kids to unplug when they enter the synagogue. How might allowing them to plug in more deeply deepen their bonds with their synagogue and Judaism?

Have you read Chen’s book? What have you learned from it?

What Teens Say: Reflections on the Triple T teen Retreat

53 teenagers – 7th through 11th grades – gathering together for our Triple T (“Tracks for Temple Teens”) teen Retreat. Over dinner, I asked them a few questions, and gave them my laptop to record their answers.

First Question: What have been the best parts of the retreat so far?

  • Arielle Tylim and Alyssa Kaplan 10th Grade and Ben Buckley 7th Grade: The best part of the Triple T retreat was spending time with our cabins and making new friends. 
  • Rachel Harris 8th Grade: I have loved getting to know everyone better. Before the retreat I knew everyone’s faces but I never really talked to them. I have enjoyed meeting new friends. 
  • Carly Klinenberg 10th Grade: The best part of the retreat was being with all my old friends and making new ones. 
  • Abigail Barnes 8th Grade: I have enjoyed meeting new people and services. 
  • Zoey Pittler 8th Grade: I loved reconnecting with friends that I haven’t seen in a while. I also loved all of the people in my cabin. 
  • Ben Davidorf 7th Grade: One of my favorite parts of the retreat was singing in the services. I loved all the new Jewish songs that I learned like “hay-yah-ho.” 
  • Jacob Buckley 10th Grade and Steven Suffin 7th Grade: We loved every part of camp! We would happily come back!  
  • Aaron Moxness 10th Grade: I thought the retreat was amazing, and can’t wait for next year!! I especially liked playing guitar in the song sessions. 
  • Steven Simen 10th Grade: Um…. this retreat has been awesome, well organized and well planned. The best thing was the water balloon launch. 

  • Caryl Kaplan, retreat nurse/mom:     The best part of the retreat has been the people I have met both campers and staff!!

Second Question: How was the retreat different from what you expected?

By and large, the number one answer was that they expected to be overwhelmed with praying and rituals. In fact, all but one student responded saying that the retreat was balanced, friend-filled and exciting.

  • Steven Simen 10th Grade: I can’t say anything bad about this, because it has been very good. 
  • Abigail Barnes 8th Grade: I expected the retreat to be really boring but it has been very fun. I have had so much fun hanging out with my friends. 
  • Zoey Pittler 8th Grade: The retreat was almost like I was at Camp Newman, but for just a weekend.

    Aaron Moxness 10th Grade: It was everything I expected. 

  • Rachel Harris 8th Grade: … there have been so many fun-filled activities. 
  • Arielle Tylim and Alyssa Kaplan 10th grade and Ben Buckley 7th Grade: … we had a lot of fun and enjoyed making friends with the younger kids. 
  • Caryl Kaplan, retreat nurse/mom: Watching their interactions as a “fly on the wall” was a heart warming experience. The world could use many more Or Ami young people. 
  • Rabbi Paul Kipnes, 15th Grade: I forgot how kids of all different ages bond together in a camp setting, so that differences disappear and then become one community.

Thanks to Rabbi Julia Weisz, Mishpacha Coordinator Rachel Kaplan Marks, LoMPTY youth advisor Stefanie Philips, and the amazing staff.

To catch a glimpse of how much fun a teen retreat can be, check out our pictures on Facebook. Look at Congregation Or Ami and at Paul Kipnes.

Ethan Goes to Camp Newman: Mainstreaming Kids with Special Needs at Jewish Summer Camp

Meet Ethan through the eyes of his Mom:

Since his diagnosis of autism at age 2, we have worked hard to “mainstream” our son Ethan into everyday activities, schools, sports teams and social situations. At times it has been a struggle for him and for us wanting him to be a normal kid. With a lot of hard work on his part, as well as with the help of a team of behaviorists, speech therapists and a lot of supportive friends and family members, Ethan has blossomed into friendly, outgoing, and independent almost 13-year old.

With his Bar Mitzvah service less than 6 months away, it seemed almost natural for him experience sleepover camp. Thankfully, and with the blessing of our Rabbi Paul Kipnes and Rabbi Erin Mason (Associate Camp Director at Camp Newman), this experience became a reality for him (and us) this past summer, as he spent two weeks at URJ Camp Newman in Santa Rosa, CA.

Kvell with Ethan’s Mom about Ethan’s fantastic experience at URJ Camp Newman:

August 2012

Dear Camp Newman,

My son, Ethan Epstein, was a camper in the first session of the summer at Camp Newman in the Tzofim eidah (unit). You probably remember that we spoke in the spring about his enrollment this summer, as Ethan has special needs that may have been a concern. My husband and I felt that he was more than ready to attend overnight camp and were thrilled with the opportunity for him to attend with his friends from our congregation as well as with Congregation Or Ami’s Rabbi Paul Kipnes and his family.

Needless to say, the experience was more than we ever imagined. From the minute we arrived at the airport (he flew with the camp delegation from Burbank) to the minute he stepped off the plane on his return, the entire experience was a HUGE success! Ethan loved every minute that he was there, and has already informed us that he is planning to attend for a MONTH next year!!!

I couldn’t let the opportunity pass without letting you know how much I thank you and your wonderful staff at Camp Newman. While it is always our hope to integrate Ethan into mainstream situations, we are aware that sometimes certain accommodations need to be made, and we thank you for that. Our goal was for him to make new friends, gain independence, and mature in a loving and spiritual environment, and he achieved (and surpassed) all of these.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for a wonderful and successful overnight camp experience. We look forward to next summer at Camp Newman!

Shalom, Ethan’s Parents

Reform Judaism – especially the Union for Reform Judaism – has a long history of working for full inclusion and openness for people with disabilities and special needs.  

Congregation Or Ami in Calabasas, CA has long been committed to accessibility for individuals with special needs and their families. Our Brandon Kaplan Special Needs Fund helps us integrate people with special needs and their families into all aspects of our congregation. We are also the synagogue for  Chaverim, a program of Jewish Family Service, for developmentally disabled adults, age 18 to 88.

URJ Camp Newman has a dedicated Nefesh team comprised of psychologists, therapists and social workers who are at camp all summer. The Nefesh team helps the counselors and roshim (unit heads) integrate and support all children with unique situations (including emotional, physical, psycho-social and other “special needs”).

Weaving Social Media into the High Holy Day Services

When the Jewish High Holy Days arrive, is it necessarily more appropriate to log out of our social media apps, or can social media enhance the spiritual experience of these traditional days? Must Twitter, Facebook and texting just pull us back into our own private (even narcissistic) world or can they provide individual connections to a communal religious experience?

Recently, the New York Times reported For Young Jews, a Services says ‘Please Do Text‘ on one synagogue’s experimentation in a service for Jews in their 20’s and 30’s. Congregation Or Ami, always open to innovation, similarly experimented with Facebook, Twitter and texting during this year’s Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur morning services.


What is the Shofar Sounding Saying to You?
As profiled in JTA’s In some shuls, congregants encouraged to keep phones on during services, Or Ami took a leap of faith to engage the faithful:

Rabbi Paul Kipnes [planned] to encourage congregants with smartphones to use Facebook to reflect on the shofar after it is blown for the second time during the service. “Maimonides says, ‘Awake sleepers.’ Most of us hear the shofar and continue sleeping through it,” Kipnes said. “It’s [not] a show, not an alarm clock. I’m saying OK, everybody, sit up, wake up, reflect.”

Given that so much of the High Holidays liturgy is in the collective — “We have sinned” — Kipnes says it is appropriate for congregants to share their thoughts collectively during the service.

“Prayer,” he said, “is not supposed to be a spectator sport.”

On Rosh Hashana morning, dozens of texts, Facebook messages and tweets responded to the question, What is the shofar sounding saying to you? Worshippers responded:

  • It reminds me that I have a chance to redeem my past actions to work toward a brighter year.
  • The shofar sounds like an ancient song coming to us from thousands of years ago.
  • We need to wake up and see what is happening in the world we live in. We are at a tipping point and at stake is the existence of both the State of Israel and the life we cherish.

For the first time in a long time, people did not clap after the sounding of the shofar. Does this mean the invitation to respond by social media turned them inward? It was unclear. While such innovation can be meaningful, such breaks with tradition can also alienate others. We did hear how social media engaged some participants more deeply in the experience. One Or Ami congregant texted after the service, “Thanks so much for today. The texting during the service was engaging.”

There is Holiness When…
On Yom Kippur morning, we twice invited the congregation to interact through social media, promising that their thoughts would become part of the sermons. As LA Weekly reported in Texting During Yom Kippur Services? How One L.A. Rabbi IsBringing Social Media to His Synagogue,

…giving congregants tacit permission to mentally check out of
services was not Kipnes’ intention in bringing social media to the bimah (the
stage); in fact, it was quite the opposite. “Look, worship is supposed to
be an interactive experience, but in many places it stopped being that,”
he explains in an interview.

Before a particularly inspiring prayer-song on kedusha (holiness), we invited worshippers to complete the sentence “There is holiness when…” The responses, shared as part of a drash on holiness, included:

  • When I am with family and friends, people I truly love.
  • When we are humble.
  • When you realize you have wronged another and you then correct that wrong with a right. That is truly holy. 
  • When you wake up every morning and walk out of bed and get ready for the day ahead.
  • When we all come together to pray to the One who gave us the power to pray. 
  • When all hatred fades, when all differences dissolve, when all judgment dissipates, and when we can all look at each other as one under God. 

To Me, the Brit (covenant) with God Means…
Lisa Colton, Founder and President of Darim Online, has been agitating for rabbis to experiment with the Social Sermon, wherein rabbis announce topics ahead of services and invite social media conversation during the week. The sermon that is preached (or the Torah discussion that ensues) on Shabbat, incorporates the discussion that has preceded it. The Covenant Foundation similarly has blogged about grassroots-driven preaching, in Twitter + Community + Jewish Education = Social Sermon.

Marrying the social sermon with our willingness to push the boundaries of traditional prayer, we wove  a d’var Torah in realtime as the congregation responded to the statement “To me, the brit (covenant) with God means…” Since Or Ami like many Reform synagogues reads Nitzavim (Deut. 29-30) on Yom Kippur morning, the slew of social media messages allowed a wide ranging exploration about our connection today to the brit between God and the Jewish people. As worshippers explained, “To me, our Brit with God means…”

  • To stay with it NO MATTER WHAT. To never give up on the truth of our souls. 
  • Dedication to an unbreakable chain.
  • To do the right thing when no one is looking, and to pass down our value system to the next generation.
  • That God does God’s part and we must do ours. 
  • Our covenant is continued, when our Torah breastplate, rescued from the ashes of Kristallnacht, still adorns our scrolls and dances through Jews 74 years later.
  • That we can even question our brit with God.
Is Social Media Integration into Worship the Wave of the Future or Just Techno-Heresy? 
Initial comments following services about these social media experiments during the High Holy Days were overwhelmingly positive (but not unanimously so). Still, we heard that some participants preferred to leave their electronic umbilical cords turned off. So whether Jewish worship is flexible enough to integrate Social Media in an ongoing, meaningful way has yet to be seen. Or as LA Weekly’s Amanda Lewis wrote: 

On a holiday meant to generate inward reflection, does it
make sense to ask congregants to take out their phones but avoid the plethora
of temptations, distractions and push notifications?”

What do you think? Wave of the future or Techno-Heresy?

Commitment to Children with Disabilities Leads to Award-Winning Diane Simon Smith

We schepp nachas (are filled with pride) as we celebrate Congregation Or Ami’s congregant Diane Simon Smith, for her long-term ongoing commitment to families with children with disabilities. Diane has been an integral part of Or Ami’s foundational commitment to inclusivicity, an outlook that has led us to mainstream disabled children in our religious learning programs, in our LoMPTY youth group and to partner with Chaverim, a program for developmentally disabled adults.

The IDEA Infant and Toddler Coordinators Association (ITCA) announces the winner of the 2012 ITCA Regional Parent Leadership Award as Diane Simon Smith from the State of California:

The IDEA Infant and Toddler Association (ITCA) Parent Leadership Awards are given annually to acknowledge outstanding state parent leadership on behalf of the Part C program for infants and toddlers with developmental delays or disabilities and their families. Parents may be nominated on the basis of significant contributions, in either a volunteer or paid capacity, during a specific period of time, or for exceptional efforts over a period of several years. These efforts may range from family support efforts, recruiting and/or training families, serving on committees, working on legislative initiatives etc. 

When her son Andrew was born in 1985, 14 weeks premature, severely disable with cerebral palsy and overcoming tremendous odds to live, Diane Simon Smith promised she would do for him in the world what he could not do for himself. Her son Matthew was born three years later with Fragile X syndrome. Diane immersed herself in the special needs world to advocate not only for her own sons but for others as well. In 1991 she returned to school shifting her focus to marriage and family therapy with a focus on supporting children with disabilities and their families in group settings and individual counseling. Diane developed a specialized private practice working with families of children with disabilities. For the past fourteen years she has run support groups for parents and sibling workshops and has developed two retreats: Healing the Mother’s Heart and The Journey. Diane is an author and presenter about marital relationships, grief and loss, sibling issues and strategies for thriving as they relate to childhood disability. 

A quote from one of the support letters that were received speaks to the outstanding qualities that this award represents: 

“I met Diane several years ago at a retreat she held in Santa Barbara. The retreat was designed to gather women together of all ages, ethnicity and socioeconomic status. The one common thread we shared was that we all had children with special needs. By sharing with this unique group of women for 36 hours, Diane gave us permission to share our most
intimate fears and hopes. Her guidance was outstanding, professional and given from a place of true love and empathy. We were allowed to laugh, cry, vent and share our experiences in a completely safe and healthy environment.”

Mazel tov, Diane, your simcha (joyous moment) is our nachas (pride).

Teach a Kid to Fish, She’ll Eat for a Lifetime

“Thanks for showing me how to fish,” said the 5th grader, as she gave a big hug to Congregation Or Ami member Randy Sharon. For this young girl, and the 26 other kids from New Directions for Youth (NDFY), this was in fact their first time out fishing. In fact, for most, this was their first time on a boat.

The kids, ranging in age from 10 to 16, came from all over the San Fernando Valley. Each participates in NDFY programs. New Direction for Youth believes that “all youth deserve opportunities to grow and learn in positive environments. Intervention in the lives of at-risk youth reduces the incidence of serious and enduring problems that can perpetuate a cycle of poverty, underachievement, and anti-social behavior. Long-term positive results in a youth’s life are most effectively achieved by tending to the basic needs for guidance, support and involvement.”

Helping At-Risk Kids
Their vision dovetails so well with Congregation Or Ami’s foundational commitment to social justice activism. Long committed to projects helping at risk kids, it was quite apropos that Congregation Or Ami would chaperone a fishing trip for these kids. What could be more fun than a beautiful day on a boat out in the middle of the ocean!

Or Ami fisherman extraordinaire Randy Sharon and youth outreach coordinator Kim Gubner organized our participation as part of an annual outing of the LA Rod and Reel Club (which runs a fabulous event). Or Ami partnered with faculty member Patti Jo Wolfson’s non-profit NDFY to bring the 27 kids fishing. Congregants Jeff Frankel, Murray November, Marty Waschitz and I rounded out the Or Ami delegation.

Jovana, Maya and Me
Jovana, Maya and I were paired up toward the back of the boat. I learned that it doesn’t take much to teach a kid to fish. Grab a piece of slimy bait (move beyond the yuck factor), stick it on the hook, drop it into the ocean, and wait for the fishing line to stop unraveling. Two quick turns of the reel and you are all set. Keep your eye on the line and reel it up every so often to check the bait. Then hurry up and wait.

Each of the girls caught a fish or two. Not enough for experienced fishermen, but plenty for a first time out. Although we all were bundled up against the wind, we found warmth in the kids’ smiles. Yes, the joy was clear (as was more than a little seasickness for some of the kids).

What’s the Jewish Angle?

It occurred to me that there had to be Jewish angle to this trip. Googling taught me that so little has been written about Judaism and fishing. One colleague has made a name for himself as the Fly-Fishing Rabbi, while another wrote a series of blogposts on fly-fishing. Someone even wrote a book on Fly Fishing as a spiritual practice. Mostly, more than a few people cannot believe that rabbis, or other Jews, actually fish.

Clearly, we can take meaning from the 13th century’s Rabbi Moses Maimonides who taught that providing someone with the means to take care of herself is the highest form of tzedakah. Similarly, the Chinese proverb explains, “Give someone a fish, you will feed him for a day. Teach someone to fish, you feed her for a lifetime.”

A Blessing
Still, at the end of the day, most of us fishermen and women were just content enjoying ourselves out on the ocean with a really appreciative group of kids. So we say Modeh Ani l’fanecha – we thank You, O God, for the opportunity to provide new experiences and adult role models for these at risk kids. Amen.

God Told Moses to Sing a Song, and We Keep Following His Lead: Dispatch from Camp Newman

Josh Friedman sings along with Dan Nichols
Sitting Camp Newman’s Beit Tefilah (camp’s outdoor sanctuary), as singer/songwriter Dan Nichols concertizes with 600 young people, I realized yet again the power of a simple idea: that a song has a better chance of transmitting and preserving significant values than most speeches or sermons do.  Dan Nichols, Congregation Or Ami’s Cantor Doug Cotler, even my Bar Mitzvah student’s Torah portion all testify to this truth. 

Torah Reveals the Power of a Song
Eric Moraly and I sat in the Chadar Ochel (dining hall) after lunch, working on his Bar Mitzvah d’var Torah (speech).  [Eric is one of the 34 members of our Congregation Or Ami delegation to Camp Newman.] We read the translation of his parasha, stopping along the way to elucidate challenging words and ideas. A bright young man, Eric articulately summarized and interpreted his section: God knew that when the Israelites entered the Promised Land, they would begin to follow false gods and forget Torah. So God instructed Moses to write a song – called Ha’azinu – which would remind the people of important Jewish values.

What a concept from Torah: the power of the song.

At Camp Newman, Music Sets the Stage for Everything Else
At Camp Newman, music sets the stage for and permeates everything. We sing at mifkad (morning exercizes), before and after we eat, in the middle of the day, and when it ends. Jewish songs mix with contemporary music which are combined with prayers and eidah (session) songs. It’s as if when we sing, we affirm that we are alive. It is how we express our love of life and it’s blessings.

At the Dan Nichols concert, 600 kids shined with inspired energy. It could have been a concert of any teen idol, except that our kids were jumping around to Jewish songs about tikun olam (fixing the world), tzedek (justice), Israel, and emunah (faith).

Come Quick… It’s Josh
Early in the concert, one of my kids ran up shrieking, “Come quick, it’s Josh!” As I ran down the steps, I caught a glimpse of our congregant Josh Friedman standing up on stage, right next to Dan Nichols. Apparently Dan invited Josh to help lead the community in singing the harmony.

Yup, this 10 1/2 year old kid was “living the dream.” He was up onstage with Dan Nichols – Jewish music idol –  helping him lead a full amphitheater of people in song. It was like being bat boy in the final game of the World Series, pressing the button in Times Square to lower the ball on New Year’s Eve, and starring in your own TV show, all rolled into one. As meaningfully, his bunkmates, rather than being jealous of Josh’s good fortune, joined in to celebrate this moment of simcha (joy). When the highlights of life involve music and singing, we all are that much more inspired!

We Sing Because our Hearts Need It
I thought about our own Congregation Or Ami, whose vision statement declares the centrality of music within its first sentences. Our Cantor Doug Cotler brings original music/lyrics as well as new and traditional Jewish music to our services and celebrations. Doug’s singing invites us into Jewish spirituality; it inspires us, and transforms us. We are regularly inspired to sing even more intensely by the participation regularly of our Or Ami Chorale and our Shabbat Band Jew-bacca.

At Or Ami, we sing because our hearts need it.  We sing because our faith demands it. We sing because we know that music can transmit connection to community and the Holy One, and we desperately desire those connections.

Singing Brings Forth the Best In Us
Like Josh did, like Cantor Doug does, like Dan Nichols is doing, like Moses was instructed to create, music and song so often brings out the best in us – of our values, of our energy and of our joy.  Thanks Camp Newman, Congregation Or Ami and Torah for bringing it all together.

How Camp Newman Influences our Congregation Or Ami

Congregation Or Ami, our Reform synagogue in Calabasas, CA, receives high marks from our congregants and guests alike for the warmth of our community, the creativity of our learning, the depth of our Jewish spirituality, and the intensity of our musicality. As one of the rabbis at Or Ami, I am often asked what is the secret to our success? I’ll point to our amazing Cantor Doug Cotler, the warmth of our Henaynu caring community, and our extensive social action efforts.

As significant – yet less well-known as an influence – are the weeks I spend up at Jewish summer camp.

Every summer for the past fourteen years, my wife Michelle and I have chaperoned a delegation of more than 30 young people up to the URJ Camp Newman in Santa Rosa, CA. I serve as on rabbinic faculty, chairing the West Coast Rabbinic Camp committee, while Michelle develops creative alumni programming for the upcoming year.

Something amazing happens at Jewish summer camp
Camp Newman has a lasting influence on ensuring that Or Ami is an innovative, inspiring Jewish community. At Camp, I teach collaboratively with creative rabbis from all over Southern California, and with motivated college students. Fast paced daily schedules demand creativity, innovation and high levels of responsiveness to the Jewish and interpersonal concerns of the participants. Services must be engaging, learning must be meaningful, and the community it’s must be warm and welcoming. Conversations about Jewish identity and Jewish values permeate the community. Teens dialogue regularly about the reality (or not) of God in their lives and ask that services reflect those struggles. Young people feel loved and accepted (no matter what); older youth buddy up with younger campers. Song sessions and Shabbat services are energized and uplifting.

Each summer, I come home from Camp Newman armed with new stories, creative lesson plans, and implicit (and explicit) critiques of synagogue life. Questions raised by campers form the basis of sermons; they ask everything that most of us are too embarrassed to ask. The unconditional love and acceptance becomes the impetus for inclusivisity at temple for special needs kids, interfaith families, multiracial and multiethnic families, LGBT individuals and families.

Why is Or Ami so successful as a congregation? 
For many reasons, including and especially because Camp Newman continues to rejuvenate and inspire me, Or Ami’s rabbi. Yes, I believe that all of us – Jewish professionals working in synagogues and Jewish organizations – are better and more effective because camp models creative Jewish living.

“I Love Being Jewish”, Declare Camp Newman Campers

Dispatch from Camp Newman, Santa Rosa, CA

Early dinner is over (we have two seatings), and I can rest easy having checked in with every one of our younger campers. From a distance, I watched their interactions with other campers and their counselors; I made sure they are eating (everyone seemed to like the spaghetti and bread sticks; some even had full plates for the fresh salad bar). I look for smiles (there are so many). Then a quick hello, a hug for many of them, and a reassuring “Michelle and I are here and look forward to having fun with you.” (We similarly checked in with the Or Ami campers and staff at late dinner. All are well.)

Now I’m sitting here in the Beit Tefilah (outdoor amphitheater) where the whole camp community has gathered for the All Camp Welcome. After a heartfelt welcome by Camp Director Ruben Arquilevitch, each set of rashim (unit heads) introduced themselves and their eidah (unit). The energy was electrifying as campers broke out into cheering and dancing.

The directors countdown how long everyone has been at camp. They elicit special cheering as the first year campers rise up and are welcomed. As they call out from second summer campers up past ten summers and more, my wife Michelle and I quickly count up our years at Camp. Michelle counts 30 summers at Camp Newman (and its predecessor Camp Swig), which is improbable since she only just turned 34 years old (not really)!

Then, as the energy begins to peak, my ear drums almost burst amidst the cacophony as campers shout out passionately, “I love being Jewish!” It is music to my ears to hear so many young people (and high school and college students) declare the centrality of being Jewish to their lives.

Great summertime experiences.

Yep, that’s what camp is all about: vibrant youthful energy, passionate Jewish experiences, and good, clean fun.

When Music Brings Awe: Singing with the Or Ami Chorale

At its root, Or Ami is a musical community. Between the inspiring music of our Grammy award-winning Cantor Doug Cotler, the uplifting and engaging sound of our Or Ami chorale, and the envelopingly enticing tunes of our Shabbat band Jewbacca, we sing our way through joyous celebrations, moments of sadness and everything in between. This past Friday night provided yet another example of the powerful centrality of music in our congregation. [View Michael Kaplan’s pictures of the Chorale and Installation. View Michael Kaplan’s Chorale Installation Music Video]

We gathered to celebrate Shabbat, worship the Holy One, and install our new Board and Officers. We schlepped nachas (shared joy) as one of our students prepared to become a Bar Mitzvah, shed tears as we welcomed some families back into the embraced of the congregation as they mourned the deaths of loved ones, and said prayers of healing for our loved ones undergoing surgery or struggling with illness. And we did it all within the caress of song and musical prayer. 
The Or Ami Chorale hails from the earliest days of the Congregation. Founded and led by the late Judith Berman, and now conducted by the talented Bettie Ross Blumer, the Chorale is as far removed from the 1950’s Temple Choir as today’s approachable clergy are from the rabbis on high from days of old. Said differently, this Chorale invites us in, makes us want to sing/pray along, and rocks to a melody and beat that might make the early Reformers turn in their graves, but brings us to a place of spiritual wholeness. 
At one moment they are drawing us close into Kabbalat Shabbat with songs that make us dance in our seats.  The next, they are the surreptitious niggun (lai-lai-lai) singing under the creative words of the Maariv Aravim prayer. Before we know it, the Chorale is settling us down with a beautiful rendition of L’dor Vador, marking the unbroken transmission of Jewish truths: that there is a praiseworthy Holy One, that we too can live holy lives. The message is emphasized again as they (we!) sing K’doshim T’hiyu, a flowing melody, written by a congregant-composer, which urges us to strive for holiness by living ethically.

Before, after and in between, we become lost – in the most spiritually satisfying way – in the masterful musical selections, prayer settings and original music of our own Cantor Doug Cotler. Yes, soloists inspired awe in us; the instrumentalists brought us stirring music. Then, the Chorale closes the service first with a rendition of Oseh Shalom so reminiscent of the best of Baptist choirs that some do a double-take to ensure that these are Jews rocking Judaism, then bringing us to our feet, swaying and singing to Cantor Cotler’s Adonai Oz.

Music speaks louder than words, I remember singing with other Jewish youth in the 1970’s and ’80’s. This past Shabbat evening at Or Ami, listening to and singing along with the Or Ami Chorale conducted by Bettiee and with our Cantor Doug Cotler, once again reinforced this universal truth.
Thank you to all who sang. You touched my soul; you lifted us up spiritually.  Thank you. 

If I Didn’t Know It was a Mosque, I Would Have Sworn I Just Walked into My Temple

They greeted us at the steps to the social hall, smiling warmly and asking us each to put on a name tag. Handshakes around, introductions made, we were conveyed up the steps. Each family was ushered forward by a host. The kids disappeared quickly. Girls went down to the climbing bars and swings; boys were swept up into a pick up basketball game. We ate delicious food, prepared with special attention to Jewish dietary requirements. We shmoozed (talked to one another), which began the process of building relationships between the two groups – Muslims and Jews. Imam Ahmed Patel and Rabbis Paul Kipnes and Julia Weisz shared values and ideals from the two traditions, Islam and Judaism. Touched by the warmth, the food, and the communal caring, one Or Ami congregant reflected, “If I didn’t know it was a Mosque, I would have sworn I just walked into our synagogue.”

Over 125 Jews and Muslims gathered at the Islamic Center of Conejo Valley (ICCV) as part of an intentional process of developing relationships between our two communities. Congregation Or Ami’s group, led by Kevin Palm and Vice President Marina Mann, brought young and older together for Sunday evening dinner. We share a few reflections from Or Ami members on the experience:

Vice President and co-Convener Marina Mann comments:

Our April 29th gathering was a really momentous and exciting occasion for about 70 people from Congregation Or Ami. We attended an amazing evening at the Islamic Center of the Conejo Valley where we were welcomed with open arms to join them for an evening of food, conversation, and general getting to know one another. They were so gracious and really helped us realize that the similarities between our two religions are really greater than our differences. 

Both Rabbi Paul Kipnes and Rabbi Julia Weisz and their families attended and were invited to address the crowd. The Imam Ahmed Patel did so too, leading us in a prayer before the meal and beautifully explaining the significance of what was said. After the meal and discussion, we were invited to join them to observe one of their evening prayer sessions. Here too, everything was explained to us. 

Soon, we will be reciprocating by having families from the Islamic Center come to Or Ami to “break bread together.” We also plan on organizing some joint social action projects where we can work side by side to help change the world.

Co-convener Kevin Palm reflects:

I am still so impressed that we got over 125 Jews and Muslims together for dinner! The folks at the Islamic Center of Conejo Valley were so gracious and open. My wife Robin and I shared our table with two Muslim moms. Each of us shared what it is like to be either Muslim or Jewish in America. The Muslim women shared the challenges of being Muslim and raising their kids in America, especially post-9/11. They expressed how even certain teachers say things in their kids’ classrooms that are disparaging towards Muslims and Islam. 

Robin and I were able to share that up until the 1960s-1970s, being Jewish in America was a tough slog too. Housing and country clubs excluded Jews, and it was difficult for Jews to get hired by certain companies. Through the Civil Rights Act amongst other things, the views of Jews began to change. While anti-Semitism still exists in America, there is a lot less of it than years ago. We acknowledged through the work we are doing together that we can help spread the word that being Muslim does not mean being a terrorist. 

While not directly expressed, it can be said that our Jewish families and the Muslim families are doing our best to raise good children who can help improve our world, especially if we can work toward all getting along and understanding each other better.

These Muslim hosts did not consider Jews as being a minority in America, which we thought was interesting. We were able to share that we still are very much a minority. This comment led to a dialogue about influence by the media and how Jews have done well in this area, while American Muslims are still learning how to get their message out. 

Finally, I heard an interesting definition of jihad from our friend Azhar. He said jihad means “to struggle,” as in struggling to be a good Muslim while still being human. It sounded similar to what Yisrael means as “one who struggles with the concept of G-d.”

Or Ami President Lucille Shalometh Goldin writes:

We have heard our Rabbis say that we are all God’s children. I really felt the power of those words as I walked into the Islamic Center and was greeted by their members with the same warm welcoming smiles that we at Or Ami show when we greet those who walk through our doors. 

Muslims and Jews sat around tables talking as people.

To the outside world our beliefs may seem very different. Still, the more we spoke about raising our children and what we wanted for them and how we wanted them to treat others, to help less fortunate, and to treat their neighbors, we began to realize that we were more similar than different. We were a room of parents and neighbors, a community with hopes and dreams for our children and families. The warmth and laughter in the room was contagious. Like in our Jewish culture, they welcome guests over a good meal so there was a beautiful spread of delicious food awaiting us. No one left hungry! Following our dinner we went down to the Mosque’s prayer space to observe them in prayer, a very peaceful ritual that is done five times a day. 

We left the Islamic Center, promising to have our hosts back to Or Ami and of course to serve them a meal in our synagogue home and having them experience one of our services. We are all most excited about doing a joint social action project for our community which involves our kids too. This event was one I will not soon forget!

Past President Susan Gould shares:

Our dinner at the Islamic Center of Conejo Valley was so wonderful. It felt like Congregation Or Ami (with headscarves instead of yarmulkes). The hosts could not have been more welcoming, delightful and open. As I was getting around, I had a conversation with Laila at the table next to ours. She and Or Ami member Cyndi Friedman had been talking about intermarriage and how parents would feel if their children married out of the faith. My new friend Diana and the rest of our table discussed tolerance (and intolerance), prejudice, and our goals for raising well adjusted children. 

The Imam and assistants at the Islamic Center were funny – it was reassuring to hear them speaking about everyday things (like food and Costco) the same way we do! We Jews and Muslims have so much more in common than the common misperception that “we are enemies” would lead you to believe. Yes, there are extremists on the Muslim side. But there are also intolerant extremists among Jews as well. Gatherings like this encourage the progressives on both sides of the Abrahamic divide to break bread and break barriers.

We have high hopes for the future as our two communities – the Islamic Center of the Conejo Valley and Congregation Or Ami – spend more time getting to know each other and helping to heal the divide.

Kvells Come From Chaverim, for Developmentally Disabled Adults

About 2 years ago, Congregation Or Ami opened its arms to Chaverim, a program for developmentally disabled adults age 18 to 88. In the months since we easily agreed to become Chaverim’s Valley synagogue, we have enjoyed a harmonious relationship.

Rabbi Deborah Goldmann, the Chaverim program rabbi, wrote this note, reflecting upon our sacred relationship:

Dear Paul,
Thank you for making Chaverim feel so welcome at Or Ami. I was so impressed and awed by how inclusive and welcoming your community is that I can hardly stop talking about it. 

So I realized that I should share my thoughts with you too! 

  • Having the space for our Chaverim Shabbat dinners. Dayeinu! (That would have been enough)
  • Being made to feel welcome by our liaisons. Dayeinu!
  • Being made to feel welcome by the ushers who greeted us with the same excitement that she greeted everyone else at Temple. Dayeinu!
  • Seing one of our Chaverim members constantly changing seats in the sanctuary, asking all kinds of questions, and none of the other Or Ami members batting an eye about it. Dayeinu!
  • Being welcomed into the community along with the other new temple members during services. Dayeinu! 

Any one of those things on their own would have been wonderful, but that your community did so much more is truly inspiring and awesome!  

I love working with Chaverim but much of what we do is on our own. Thank you and thanks to Or Ami, I now know what inclusion looks like.   

Looking forward to many wonderful years together.  Thank you for all you do! 


For Congregation Or Ami, inclusiveness has always been a primary value of our community. Our website speaks directly to how openly we welcome people with disabilities, multiracial and multiethnic individuals and families, interfaith couples and families, LGBT individuals and families and others. It is not such a special thing, because isn’t that what a community is supposed to be like?

How a Rabbi Survives 54 B’nai Mitzvah Services a Year

“Rabbi,” the mother asked, “You officiate at so many Bar and Bat Mitzvah services each year. How are you still able to make each one feel special and the most important at the moment?” I smiled at the question, which I am asked at least a dozen times a year.

Motioning her to step closer, I whispered my secret: It’s not about surviving 54 services, but about kvelling for each kid. While meeting with each student for 5-7 sessions, I seek out the unique path she is on, and try – with meaningful Jewish assistance – to ease her journey toward positive Jewish identity and maturation. Said more plainly, Having gotten to know each kid, I schepp nachas (fill up with love and pride) as the child grows up and shines forth on the bimah.

They Grow Up Right Before My Eyes
The parents and grandparents think they alone are going to burst with unique joy and pride, when their kinderlach (children) lead services, chant from Torah and teach us through their d’var Torah (speech). Here’s the truth: There is such joy in watching a young person grow up right before my eyes, shining from the bimah as he/she takes these first steps into Jewish adulthood.

It happens every time – with the confident students and the nervous ones, with those whose voices crack and those who could be in musical theater, with darshanim (speakers) whose divrei Torah (speeches) are simply heartfelt and with darshanim whose divrei Torah I file under “things I wish I wrote.”

Recent Bat Mitzvah Speaks Confidently about Taboo Torah Topics
Rachel Harris, a confident, thoughtful young woman, stood up on our bimah before a sanctuary filled with her relatives and friends. She delivered her d’var Torah on topics which most thirteen year olds wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. Speaking on Tazria (Lev. 12:1-8 and 13:1-5), Rachel spoke about ritual purity, childbirth and menstruation. She tackles the intersection of Torah and tradition with women’s bodies and their health.

Rachel writes:

My Torah portion discusses the responsibilities women have once they give birth. In the ancient world, at childbirth, women were considered ritually unclean. Therefore she had to be separated from her family and group for a certain period of time until she became ritually pure again. A woman who gave birth to a boy was separated for 40 days, while one who gave birth to a girl was separated for 80 days. 

Rabbi Kipnes and I discussed why women were separated for double the time after the birth of a girl. We concluded that because baby girls would eventually would undergo the same circumstances as their mother, namely menstruating and giving birth, maybe the women had more time to become ritually pure again.

I do not think that the separation of women is right. Childbirth and menstruation should not be looked down upon or consider “dirty” or “unnatural.” All life reproduces. These body actions are something that all living species go through. The Jewish tradition should have consideration for the difficult biological processes that women go through. Women should receive help to go through the process. Instead, we should help them through childbirth and help them cherish this moment of birthing.

My Torah portion relates to my life because someday I will go through the certain natural biological processes that almost every woman goes through. Through these experiences I will gain more responsibility and will wrestle with the new challenges that come my way. The Torah also teaches that we Jews and the much of the world as a whole have come a long way because now giving birth is not seen as disgusting but as a joyous moment. We celebrate when another human being is brought into the world and when someone is becoming a woman.

In our lives today, unlike during the time of the ancient Israelite people, we believe that everyone is equal. People should not be separated for how they look or what is going on with them. Nothing should cause someone to be secluded from the people they care about; not one’s race, sexuality, religious preference, biological processes, or interests. It is important to teach my understanding about this Torah portion because it is necessary to show how we Jews and how we human beings have changed over time. It is also important because I feel that while some may think that this portion could only be thought of in one way, there are many different valid interpretations. 

I feel that my Torah portion connects to me in that it says that I need to be responsible. Now that I am a Bat Mitzvah, I have new responsibilities and obligations in becoming a woman. I have to take care of my own things and look out for my belongings. I have to be responsible for my own actions, what I do, and what I say.

Quite impressive for a 13 year old young woman. Quite courageous for a teen standing before a crowd of her classmates. 

Moments like these – and I find one at every Bar and Bat Mitzvah with every student – fill me with hope for the Jewish future. Mazel tov to Rachel and her mom Jill, and to our entire Congregation Or Ami community.