Category: blog archive

Or Ami has an On Site Social Worker

We all need help sometimes.

Now our Henaynu Caring Community makes it even easier – and more personal.

If you’re dealing with economic problems, or the challenge of helping an elderly parent or a teen in trouble, you’re not alone. If you need support as you go through a separation, search for a new job, deal with a child with disabilities or a loved one with addictions issues, we have a new way to help.

We now host our own social worker, Elenna King, working out of our synagogue. In partnership with Temple Aliyah and Shomrei Torah, Congregation Or Ami offers this new program which provides free social services and referrals in the comfort and confidentiality/privacy of each of these three synagogues.

You’ll get help with financial assistance and government program eligibility, access to one-on-one sessions with a social worker, as well as referrals for other services and information about upcoming workshops. We all need help sometimes. It’s good to know it’s available through Caring Community.

Contact Elenna King directly at (818) 854-9760 or ask Rabbi Paul Kipnes, Rabbi Julia Weisz or our office staff to put you in touch with Elenna.

Caring Community is a community network of The Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles in partnership with Jewish Family Service. Caring Community is funded by a grant from the Jewish Community Foundation of Los Angeles.

Zichronam Livracha – For their Memory shall be a Blessing

Today I signed onto a petition, organized by the Jewish Council of Public Affairs, responding to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings in Newton, CT. I invite each of you to consider :

On Friday December 14, a gunman armed with three high-powered firearms and high-capacity magazines walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. Hundreds of shots were fired and twenty first-graders, ages six and seven, and six educators were killed.

This violent and horrific event aimed at children shocks our conscience and country. Our hearts are broken, our souls weep, and our arms are outstretched to the families of the victims, the survivors, the first responders, and the entire community of Newtown, Connecticut. In just the last few months, we have seen shootings at schools, malls, theaters, and houses of worship. We are pained and dismayed by the pandemic of gun violence, far exceeding other western nations, and we will not accept it.

Our tradition teaches us of the sanctity of life and how each and every person is created in the divine image. We must directly confront gun violence so that our nation is not marked nor the years measured by senseless massacres. We will not allow the intense emotion we feel now to return to a place of complacency where we become desensitized to the atrocities that unfold around us daily. We must come together to build a society worthy of those lost and a culture that represents our best virtues.

We stand committed to working with our local, state, and national leaders to squarely address these issues and honor the victims, survivors, and their families. We recognize the right of Americans to own guns, but we do not accept the current state of affairs. We stand united and call on our leaders to support comprehensive action, including meaningful legislation to limit access to assault weapons and high capacity ammunition magazines, aggressive enforcement of firearm regulations, robust efforts to ensure that every person in need has access to quality mental health care, and a serious national conversation about violence in media and games.

We, the undersigned, ask that President Obama, Congress, and every citizen to take direct and unequivocal action to stop the outrageous and unacceptable violence that is destroying the fabric of our society.

The letter was signed by the leadership of the Jewish community, including:

Rabbi Gary Bretton-Grantoor, World Union for Progressive Judaism
Rabbi Mark Dratch, Rabbinical Council of America
Rabbi Elliot Dorff, American Jewish University
Rabbi Amy Eilberg
Rabbi Steven Fox, Central Conference of American Rabbis
Rabbi Menachem Genack, Orthodox Union
Rabbi Shmuel Goldin, Rabbinical Council of America
Rabbi Lisa Goldstein, Institute for Jewish Spirituality
Rabbi Leonard Gordon, United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism
Rabbi Susan Grossman
Rabbi Steve Gutow, Jewish Council for Public Affairs
Rabba Sara Hurwitz, Hebrew Institute
Rabbi Richard Jacobs, Union for Reform Judaism
Rabbi Rachel Kahn-Troster, Rabbis for Human Rights-North America
Rabbi Simcha Katz, Orthodox Union
Rabbi Jack Moline, The Rabbinical Assembly
Rabbi Joseph Potasnik, New York Board of Rabbis
Rabbi Yehiel Poupko, Jewish United Fund/Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago
Rabbi David Saperstein, Religious Action Center for Reform Judaism
Rabbi Julie Schonfeld, The Rabbinical Assembly
Rabbi Toba Spitzer, Congregation Dorshe Tzedek
Rabbi David Teutsch, Reconstructionist Rabbinical College
Rabbi Steve Weil, Orthodox Union
Rabbi Ellen Weinberg Dreyfus, Central Conference of American Rabbis
Rabbi Steve Wernick, United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism

Creating an Interfaith Extended Family: How to Be A Good In-Law | Reform Judaism

From what I hear, it is very challenging to be a good in-law when your child is part of an interfaith family. Between Christmas, Chanukah, and more, grandparents tiptoe through minefields.  Walking on eggshells can be easy in comparison.  

Thankfully, Arlene Chernow, Associate Engagement Director for the Union for Reform Judaism (URJ)’s Expanding our Reach Community of Practice, provides this wisdom:

Creating an Interfaith Extended Family: How to Be A Good In-Law | Reform Judaism:

When I lead Jewish grandparenting discussion groups, the topic of creating an extended interfaith family often arises. Although this issue does not get a lot of attention at other times of the year, many of the questions I hear relate to December holidays: 

“How can we create a warm relationship with our son-in-law’s or daughter-in-law’s parents? We like them a lot and want to be together as a family – for ourselves, our children and our grandchildren – but they celebrate Christmas and we do not.” 

It is important to remember that whenever a couple becomes engaged or gets married, there may be questions about celebrating holidays and maintaining family traditions:

  • Where, when, and what will we celebrate? 
  • Whose traditions will become part of our new family? 
  • How will we include all relatives and create a balance between the two families?

All of these questions may become more complicated when there are different holiday celebrations and traditions added to the mix:

“Our daughter-in-law’s parents invited us to their home for Christmas. Should we go?”

“In our family, we give Hanukkah gifts to children, but the adults never exchange presents. My daughter-in law’s parents came to our house for latkes during Hanukkah with beautifully wrapped gifts for my husband and me. We did not have presents for them.”

“We know that our daughter and son-in-law have asked his parents to wrap gifts for the children in Hanukkah paper. How should we wrap presents for his parents?”

For each of these questions, communication may be the key.

Talk to your son or daughter. Find out what he or she would like you to do. Come to the in-laws on Christmas or find another time to visit? Bring gifts or not? Use Hanukkah paper or Christmas paper to wrap presents? Keep in mind that the specific answers may be less important than the conversation itself.

Communication demonstrates that parents on both sides want to be respectful, but may not know how to do so. When left to chance, a seemingly insignificant action, such as what wrapping paper is used may help build a warm extended family. On the other hand, it might cause a misunderstanding that festers for years. When you talk to your children, keep these points in mind: 

  • Make clear your desire to create a warm extended family and that you want their help in defining your role. You might say, for example, “We want to make the December holidays as comfortable as we can, especially for our grandchildren.” 
  • Be clear about your boundaries and comfort level. For example, “We would love to come for dinner, but we would rather not attend the church service.” 
  • Ask your children if they would like you to invite their in-laws for Jewish holiday celebrations at your home. 
  • Think of ways that you can comfortably participate in others’ holiday celebrations and show respect for your son-in-law’s or daughter-in-law’s parents. For example, wrapping gifts in silver paper with white bows may be a way for a Jewish family to participate comfortably in holiday celebrations with non-Jewish in-laws. Such a compromise shows respect for both families and acknowledges differences without making an issue of the differences.

Ultimately, these conversations offer a way for you to be positive and proactive, and to build warm family relationships.

For more ideas,

And of course, I am always available to help you think through it.

Counting Down the Miracles at Or Ami

Dear Friends:

As Congregation Or Ami enters its 16th year and the Jewish world begins its 8 nights of Chanukah, we – your president, rabbis and cantor – rededicate ourselves to this incredible Jewish community.

16 years ago, Grammy award winning Cantor Doug Cotler was engaged as the first clergy member of a new community, dedicated to communal caring, Torah learning, effusive thanking and musical energy.

14 years ago, Rabbi Paul Kipnes was inspired to join Or Ami by the warmth of the community, and the dedication of our membership to innovation, to deep Jewish spirituality, to Henaynu caring and to social justice activism.

3 years ago, Rabbi Julia Weisz was charmed by Or Ami’s educational creativity and the commitment of the parents and leadership to learn and grow alongside the children.

1 year ago, Helayne Sharon accepted election as president of Or Ami, based on her strong commitment to a vibrant Campaign for Youth Engagement, a vigorously active Board of Directors, and a vital board-clergy partnership.

Daily we are energized, uplifted, and humbled by the remarkable Jewish community we experience at Congregation Or Ami.

We feel blessed to work in partnership with our hard-working and diligent Board*, self-reflective and inspired adults, and amazing young people – the very people who are ensuring Jewish continuity today and a Jewish future for tomorrow.

During this Festival of Lights, we celebrate these numerous Or Ami miracles:

1,408 sufganiot (jelly filled donuts) to be hand-delivered at Chanukah
1,190 worshippers at our Yom Kippur service
987 pages of music, prepared for our Or Ami chorale
613 marshmallows consumed at our campfire Shabbat services
320 adults at a recent parenting lecture
300 comfort bags filled on Mitzvah Day for foster kids
285 children in our school programs
173 times per day we buzz people into the synagogue
162 adults at a congregant-led evening all about deli
131 thousand dollars in our rainy day savings account
115 youth involved in our new Triple T: Tracks for Temple Teens
103 at risk children touched by our social justice programs
54 B’nai Mitzvah celebrated annually
41 rabbis and educators who served as our faculty and interns
39 families studying Torah in Mishpacha
26 mini-Torah scrolls for new primary school students
24 board members overseeing our sacred congregational work
21 empty nesters, active adults at a pot luck dinner
20 LoMPTY teens attending a regional NFTY retreat
18 adult B’nai Mitzvah this past year
12 musicians in Jewrassic Park, our Shabbat band
9 national congregational awards earned by Or Ami in our first 15 years
5 detailed financial reports prepared monthly by our finance committee
2 new exciting youth retreats (for 7th-12th and 4th-6th graders)
1 amazing Congregation Or Ami!

During Chanukah, we Jewish families put a chanukiah in our windows to illuminate all that is holy and true.

Congregation Or Ami is holy and true. We feel blessed to be part of it and we are thrilled that you are part of our family.

Chag Chanukah Sameach – Happy Chanukah!

President Helayne Sharon
Rabbi Paul Kipnes
Cantor Doug Cotler
Rabbi Julia Weisz

* Thank you to our Board and Officers: President Helayne Sharon, VP Debi Young, VP David Silverstone, VP Vadim Parizher, VP Hedi Gross, Secretary Stephanie Blau, CFO Steve Goldstein. Board Members: Eddie Bauch, Michelle Feinstein, Heidi Friedman, Dianne Gubin, Gary Kaplan, Cheryl Lederman, Steve Martini, Kevin Palm, Debby Pattiz, Melinda Pittler, Amir Rudyan, Jeff Singer, Cathy Spencer, Jon Wolfson. Ex-Officio: Rabbi Paul Kipnes, Cantor Doug Cotler, Rabbi Julia Weisz, Immediate Past President Lucille Shalometh Goldin; Past President/Advisor Michael Kaplan, LoMPTY President Noah Kipnes

“I’m not really religious, Rabbi,” Dave Admitted. “I’m more of a cultural Jew.”

“I’m not really religious, Rabbi,” Dave admitted. “I’m more of a cultural Jew.”

Long before Jon Stewart said that he was “Jew-ish,” we Jews have struggled with our identity. Are we a religious group or a people? Is being Jewish a cultural thing or an ethnic identification?

Most Jews, with the exception of Orthodox Jews, describe their Judaism in cultural or ethnic terms. Fewer, particularly men, call themselves “religious.”

Religion, according to Dictionary.com, is defined as “a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially as the creation of a superhuman agency… ” Being religious, then, has everything to do with God.

Prior to 1789, Jews self-identified as a People. 
By being forced to live in ghettos, we were separated from the non-Jewish world; our customs separated us as well. We were also bound together by our own language, calendar, traditions, and norms. Belief in God was a given. Holy days celebrated within our national identity. Rabbinic authority defined our daily actions.

Along came Napoleon’s French Revolution, which abolished differential treatment of people according to religion. His 1789 Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen guaranteed freedom of religion. This led to a revolutionary choice: continue to be French Jews – a separate identity – and we would receive nothing. Live as Frenchmen of a “Mosaic” persuasion (from Moses=Jewish), and we would be released from the ghettos and fully integrated. Some two hundred and twenty years ago, Napoleon’s offer led to a radical redefinition of the Jewish people: we became a religious group. Like Catholic and Protestant Frenchmen, we now had Jewish Frenchmen.

Today, Many Struggle with the “Religious” Designation.
We yearn to return to the peoplehood definition, which allows us to be culturally connected and bound by holidays and rituals. With a synagogue at the center, we nonetheless recognize that community – or peoplehood – binds us and defines us.

“Is it okay that I’m not religious?” you ask. I answer, “If you are connected to the Jewish community, it doesn’t really matter.”

My Niece – a 1st Lieutenant in the IDF – Has Been Called Up to Protect Israel. What are You Doing?


  1. My niece Yonina, a 1st lieutenant,
    is part of the 75,000-100,000 reservist called up to the Israel Defense
    Forces. She is somewhere dangerous, doing something important. And Hamas
    IS shooting at her. She wants us to remember that this conflict did not start with
    Israel pinpoint bombing in Gaza. In the last year, over 850 missiles have
    been shot into Israel from Gaza.      Over 12,500 since 2009.
    Israel has held back, had patience, for longer than most other countries
    would.  Thank you for your prayers for her safety and for all who are
    defending Israel’s actions. 
  2. Watch then post to
    Facebook/Twitter these three
    powerful videos    : The first features
    a mother explaining the impact of rockets on children in Israel. The second shares
    how a first responder in Sderot has managed the situation. Check out this incredible
    video about Iron Dome    , Israel’s rocket defense system. The
    footage was taken at a wedding and you can see rockets fired and destroyed
    mid-air, as the alert siren rings in the background. 
  3. Read then post these two
    articles: Click
    here     to view the latest memo that details why Israel was forced
    to respond to Hamas. Click
    here     to view an article by the Reform Jewish Movement’s Rabbi Eric Yoffie on the
    progressive case for Israel’s actions    .
  4. Look then Post this Map App: How
    Close is Hamas to Israel? Click
    here     to be taken to a map that shows from what distance Hamas
    rockets could hit your community. When prompted, indicate that you will
    give permission to use your location so that the map will automatically
    center on your location.  

Comfort Bags for Foster Kids Bring Comforting Meaning to Mitzvah Doers

Under the watchful eyes of Mitzvah Day chairs Laurie Tragen-Boykoff and Cathy Spencer and thirty volunteers, Congregation Or Ami’s Mitzvah Day created 325 Comfort Bags filled with new clothes, toiletries, books, games, journals, toys, a decorated “sweet dreams” pillowcase and a personalized card. The Comfort Bags have been given to social workers who will give them to children who would be going into foster care because of abuse or neglect in their families. Volunteers expected to help foster kids; little did they realize how much their lives would be touched by the Mitzvah Day experience.

Three Or Ami congregants share their experiences: A mother of two teenagers, a father of two younger children, and a newly married man.

Amy Pucker writes:

Sophie Barnes (center) with other VolunTEENS

On November 6, 2012, our family took part in Mitzvah Day. We have been participating since our now teenage girls were little and this is an event along with Child Spree that we look forward to each year!

Mitzvah Day is a chance for our family to focus on and participate hands on in Tikkun Olam (fixing the world). It is a concrete reminder for us and our children of the many kids and families out there that are less fortunate. For the past several years, the girls have donated part of their tzedakah (charitable donations), either shopping for items needed on the list or donating money. In 2010, as part of her Bat Mitzvah project, Sophie collected gently used backpacks that were also distributed to the foster kids as part of Mitzvah Day. 

This year, Abby had to miss as she was in Israel yet she was able, through Or Ami’s VolunTEENS group, to help plan the teen project. Sophie enjoyed working alongside the other VolunTEENS members cutting and making blankets to donate to animal shelters. My husband Brett filled extra bags for us.   

I had the ability this year to stand in the center of the sanctuary to direct other volunteers to the different areas on their list. I was thrilled to see so many familiar and new faces sharing in the event. It was amazing to watch as children as young as 3 years old, adults of all ages, and everyone in between, as they took such care and concern in making the right choices for their Comfort Bag, carefully decorated their pillowcases and designed caring cards to try and bring comfort for the kids that would receive them.

Although Mitzvah Day is just one day in the year, it is a reminder to our family of our need to help others less fortunate throughout the year.

Adam Wasserman writes: 

Aidan with his parents

Two weeks ago, my son’s journal assignment was to write about something meaningful to him. Aidan is 10 years old and in fourth grade. He wrote about Mitzvah Day at Congregation Or Ami, packing Comfort Bags for children that he did not know, and what the experience meant to him.  

In his essay, Aidan wrote that “there are troubled children in the world and he wants to help him.” I didn’t know it meant so much to him. Nor did I know he was thinking about Mitzvah Day a year later.

Today at Mitzvah Day 2012, I was able to watch him do it again. I saw his anticipation for the event; how excited he was to get there and pack another bag. From the way he was acting, this could of have been a day at Disneyland, another Halloween, or a trip to GameStop with his $100.00 gift card. Today, his excitement for Mitzvah Day exceeded all of these.

As a father, this means so much to me on many levels. A main concern I have for my young children is what they get excited about and what they look forward to in life. I thought I knew what was most meaningful to my ten year old: his Xbox, PG+ movies, iPhones, play dates, crazy birthday parties, and lots of sugar. I was wrong; it is Mitzvah day. He is more excited about helping people than anything our modern world offers him. My son, in the midst of everything that surrounds him, chose Mitzvah day. 

Such a happy feeling and comfort for me! I know in Aidan’s heart there is solid truth. Mitzvah day allows him to realize his truth and express it.

Aaron Koch writes:

Aaron Koch, the Body Wash and Deodorant Man

My wife Krista and I arrived at Congregation Or Ami on Sunday morning to a lot of energy in the room. It reminded me of something but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I had been at the synagogue the day before, helping to sort and count, but it was different on Sunday; people seemed really excited.

I was paired with a father-son team in the hygiene area where I was working the “body wash and deodorant” station. Two minutes later, there were people everywhere, going every direction. I was tossing deodorant and body wash in bags, directing people to the hidden station in the back corner of the kitchen. All of a sudden, my inner “Yankee Stadium hotdog vendor” overwhelmed me and I shouted in my thickest New York accent, “Deodorant! Body wash! Getcha deodorant and body wash right here! Stay fresh all day! Get it while it’s hot!”

I know I amused several people; I may have frightened a few as well. But it was fun, extremely rewarding and, as it turns out, Mitzvah day brought out the NFTY kid in me. (NFTY is the North American Federation of Temple Youth, of which Or Ami’s LoMPTY youth group is a part.) I didn’t realize it at the time, but it makes me chuckle now, just thinking about it. I got downright silly on Sunday.  

I find it beautiful and amazing that we can get together to do something so profound, and, at the same time, have such a light hearted, silly time together doing it. One young man, about 12 years old, was packing a bag meant for a 14 to 17 year old girl and actually covered his eyes as he stuffed the feminine hygiene products into the Comfort Bag. I almost laughed out loud, LOL, but I managed to contain myself.  

I was really struck me by how much care everyone was putting into the process. Picking out the right game or book, even the deodorant, was a careful choice, each person making sure to choose the right one. The pillow case art was impressive; people really went the extra mile. It makes me feel good and very proud to be a part of this community.

Former Foster Child Reflects Upon Receiving Mitzvah Day Comfort Bag

  Ever wonder how our Mitzvah Day “Comfort Bags” impact the lives of the kids who receive them. The 325 “Comfort Bags” we create are handed to children as they are removed from their homes to protect them from abuse or neglect. They enter the foster care system with little to nothing, except the “Comfort Bag” we fill with clothes, books, journals, toiletries, toys, a hand-decorated pillowcase, and a personalized greeting card.

Recently, at a Campfire Shabbat service, we heard from a young mother named “America,” who spoke about her journey into foster care, and what receiving a “Comfort Bag” would have meant to her. America was so touched by her experience of sharing her story with our congregation, that she sent this letter to the congregation:

A Letter from America
Dear Friends,


First of all I want to thank every single one of you for sharing with me that beautiful night full of joy. I also want to tell you a little bit more about myself, and a little about what I had in my heart to say but couldn’t because I was so nervous.

Congregation Or Ami’s Campfire service was my first time speaking before a group. For a few minutes I was only able to hear my heart beating in my chest, but I knew in my heart that I was in front of a group of great people. People who are willing to help innocent, helpless kids who are going through what could be the worst experience in their lives.

The kids don’t see it as the system is helping them. They see it as the system is taking them away from their families, and as everybody would agree FAMILY is by far the most important and real thing a human being can have. Family is what helps us survive in this world. If you lose that, you are left with nothing to live for. We feel unprotected, defenseless, and, to some degree, naked. That is why I believe in my heart that what you are doing for these kids is huge.

As for me, like I mentioned at the campfire service, the foster care system was the best thing that could have ever happened to me at that moment in my life. By then, I had already lost my family, meaning my mom. The aunt I was living with would abuse me all the time. So when I was taken to my new (foster) home, it was just perfect. I know that not all the kids end up in a good (foster) home but I was lucky enough to have taken to a beautiful family – a mom and her son. It was perfect for me.

After that, all the things that kept coming to my life were just blessing. Amazing people – just like you – that I encountered, changed my life forever. I was also blessed with Jessica Ambroz, who was my social worker at that time, and who is now my best friend, my mentor, my savior at times, and who I love deeply. It is because of people like you and her that my life changed to something good. To something closer to being a normal kid. It built my character; it healed my heart. Therefore, I want you to know that it is making a big difference in the lives of these kids because you are proving to them, letting them know, that out in the world there is someone who DOES care for their well being, who is not taking away something, but is providing for them. And if its something so personalized like the Mitzvah Day Comfort Bags, it’s even more powerful and more meaningful. It’s a positive seed of love and kindness that you are planting in their souls.

For sure it’s going to take their innocent minds off of that bitter moment they went through when they were taken away. And if it doesn’t at that moment, one day in their lives they’ll recognize and realize what a great gesture it was and maybe, just maybe, they will also want to support a good cause just like you are doing now.

I was a victim once but because of people like you, my life changed. Now, because of that, every time that I have the opportunity, I help others. I hope one day to be able to provide a loving family to one of those kids that need it. As for now, I’m looking for the opportunity to move forward everyday to provide for the beautiful family of my own. But I know that one day, God will provide for me and my family to help a few kids in this life. 

Thank you again. Don’t forget that you are changing a life!

Come Volunteer at Mitzvah Day
On Sunday, November 4th, we gather at Congregation Or Ami to fill Comfort Bags for young people. We remind ourselves of the Jewish imperative to “care for the stranger, the orphan and the poor.” We remember that each child, created b’tzelem Elohim – in the image of God, is valued and worthy. We move from the desire to help, to the act of helping. Join us on November 4th from 11:00 am-1:00 pm.

View pictures from previous Mitzvah Days.

A Prayer for Flood-filled Days

A Prayer for Flood-filled Days
by Rabbi Paul J. Kipnes, Congregation Or Ami, Calabasas,
CA
Eloheinu velohei avoteinu v’imoteinu,
Our God and God of our fathers and mothers,
The flood waters came, wreaking havoc upon our cities, our
homes,
            our
rescue workers, our sense of security,
And we turn to You for comfort and support. 
Help us to differentiate between floods of destruction
            and
down-pouring of Your love and comfort. 
We know that waters can destroy. 
In a world decimated many times before,
having been submerged in waters
from the Florida hurricanes, the Asian tsunami, and …
each of Biblical proportions,
we remember the destructive abilities of these flood
waters. 
Recalling now that the world, though filled with Your
Glory,
is not equal to Your flawlessness,
we strive desperately, sometimes without success,
to move beyond the impulse to blame You. 
Keep us far from apocalyptic thoughts, for we know that
You ask us to care for each other, an awesome responsibility.
We also know that we can seek You in the waters. 
We recall Your Loving Hand, guiding us in our infancy:
            From
a barren rock, You brought forth water to quench our thirst,
            In
the midst of a journey through the wilderness, You showed Miriam a
myriad
of wells which healed our parched throats,
            You
guided us through Yam Suf, the Red Sea, moving us past destruction
toward
new life and new beginnings. 
            Through
Your love, we found our way. 
                       
Be with us now, during these deluged days. 
            Draw
us close to those harmed by these waters, hearing their
cries,
responding to their needs.
            Lead
us to support those who will fix the cities,
care
for the displaced, who bring healing to those suffering.
            Though
our attention spans seem so short, may we
be
slow to forget those who were in danger. 
Please bring a warm wind and hot sun from the heavenly
realms
to help dry up the flood waters.
And may we all embrace at least one lesson spoken aloud by
so many who – facing the floods – rushed to pack up their valuables:
That memories of love and of time
spent with family and friends
                        are
priceless, holy and sacred.
This can never be taken away.
As we rush to meet the challenge of
living in this
imperfect
world of ours,
May we slow down enough to cherish
those who are truly valuable –
                        kadosh/holy
– to us. 
        
         Baruch Ata
Adonai, Hamavdil bein kodesh l’chol. 
         Blessed are You, O
God, who differentiates between the truly
                        Valuable
and everything else.  

3 Jewish Institutions Collaborate on 1 Amazing Dr. Wendy Mogel Lecture

Walking out of the lecture by Dr. Wendy Mogel on “Raising Resilient Kids”, one couldn’t help but be changed. The author of Blessings of a Skinned Knee and Blessings of a B- regaled the assembled adults with stories of parenting gone wild and confidently, sometimes sarcastically reminded us to let our kids be kids. Perfection she implied, acceptance into Harvard she instructed is not the measure of healthy, well adjusted children.

Time to Have Another Child!?
I overheard the parent of 2 college students comment, “I learned so much tonight that I almost want to have another kid, just so I can raise one correctly.” Another quipped, “I was laughing so hard that I didn’t even feel guilty as I recognized the all unhelpful (parenting) habits I’ve developed.”

Yes, a standing room only lecture by two-time New York Times best selling author and parenting expert, psychologist Dr. Wendy Mogel engaged 305 adults for an hour plus session of self-reflection.

A Mirror into our Parenting Style

As Mogel held up a big mirror to all the adults, we nonetheless laughed at ourselves. We reflected upon our parenting styles. We realized that we were not alone in the wonderful, frustrating decidedly unscientific process of raising kids. But that wasn’t the only measure of success that evening.

Elements of a Successful Partnership
The other measure of excellence was that this expensive undertaking was the result of a growing partnership between three overlapping Jewish organizations – Calabasas’ Congregation Or Ami, Woodland Hills’ Kadima Jewish Day School and Malibu’s Shalom Institute/JCA Shalom. Three institutions, each dedicated to nurturing healthy, educated, moral Jewish kids, got together to hold what assuredly will be the first if many lectures on Jewish parenting. And the partnership was energizing.

To what do we attribute the success of this emerging partnership?

  • Choosing a timely topic and a well known, accomplished speaker 
  • Sharing the costs, and thus increasing the motivation to turn out greater participation among multiple organizations 
  • An agreement to share equally any revenue 
  • Shared publicity responsibilities – one made the registration website, one made the flyers, another wrote the press release 
  • Checking our egos at the door 
  • Providing each institution and it’s leaders equal one in the spotlight 
  • Increasing the pool of volunteers by bringing together three institutions 
  • Agreeing to leave our educational “silos” for shared successes

A Promising Next Step for Or Ami’s Center for Jewish Parenting
For Congregation Or Ami, this parenting session is one of many over the years sponsored by our Center for Jewish Parenting. Designed to offer well received and well attended lectures, the Center for Jewish Parenrting has hosted New Community Jewish High School’s Dr. Bruce Powell, and by other local parenting experts. This partnership with overlapping institutions offers an exciting next step for educating Jewish adults for the next generation.

Why I Wore Striped Footsie Pajamas to the Temple


The Perks of Being a Wallflower, this season’s teen angst movie, illuminates the very real pressures of being a teenager. The teenage search for identity is interwoven so poignantly with the dislocation created by individual brokenness. Ironically, the scene of audience participation in a costumed presentation of the cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show seems tame by comparison. A must-see movie for parents, teachers and others who interact with teens, Perks of Being a Wallflower reminds us that when it comes to kids, if we master the relationships, we motivate the teens.

I felt that twice this past Sunday with two groups of Congregation Or Ami kids. First at a 6:45 am drop off for a NFTY SoCal teen sub-regional trip to Disneyland and later at a 5:00 pm Pajama Party for kindergarten through 3rd graders.

Disneyland: It’s the Relationships, not the Rides
The first Sunday I could sleep late in a long time was interrupted when I rose at 6 am tto drive my 10th grade son to the Temple parking lot. There he met other teens and LoMPTY youth advisor Stefanie Philips for a van ride to the Magic Kingdom. Twelve teens who on any given morning could not drag their tired butts out of bed for school somehow were energized and excited to spend the day together. Was it the anticipation of storied amusement rides that made the day exciting? A bit, I’m sure. Moreso, I think the energy came from the opportunity to spend a day with other Jewish teens who – without academic, social or parental pressures – would accept, love and value them for who they are. That’s what Jewish youth grouping creates, and what our new Triple T (Tracks for Temple Teens) is designed to do. They provide nurturing, meaningful environments in which teens can lead, love and lift up each other within Jewish contexts.

It is all about relationships
Relationships are why 53 teens gathered together last weekend for our first ever Triple T retreat. And they are why a bunch of our kindergarten through 3rd graders descended upon the synagogue – sans parents – for a Pajama Party.

Blue and red striped footsie pajamas.
Rabbi Julia Weisz got me to wear blue and red striped footsie pajamas to temple. I fit in well with the large group of younger students who gathered at Congregation Or Ami for our first ever Kids Pajama Party. It was fun! Between a singalong with Cantor Doug Cotler and story time with Rabbi Paul (me) and Rabbi Julia, we played “pass the stuffed Torah” to get to know each other. We made “Shema Yisrael” pillowcases to ensure that our nighttime Shema rituals that much more special. We had a pizza dinner, and ensure cookies and milk for a “nighttime snack.” the PJ party was fantasticallyt friendly and fun. But don’t let the footsie pajamas and all rest of the silliness blind you to the higher purpose: deepening relationships between Or Ami kids, giving Jewish context to daily life, and binding them with their rabbis and cantor.

Campaign for Youth Engagement
It’s part of Or Ami’s Campaign for Youth Engagement, a multifaceted rethinking of Jewish education, promoted by the Union for Reform Judaism. We can teach great JUDAISM IN VERY CREATIVE WAYS but it can only succeed if the kids love being with their friends in a Jewish place. If we deepen these teenage relationships within a Jewish context, it may pay off – we hope – in greater long term Jewish involvement later on in life.

So bravo to Rabbi Julia Weisz, her partners and faculty for creating multiple pathways to Jewish involvement. So inspiring that I will wear pajamas anytime to deepen the connections. And to everyone who braved teenage and young people’s angst, to tend you our understand.

Putting the Edge Back into Education

Educator Avram Mandel and Rabbi Julia Weisz

Seven other educators, Rabbi Julia Weisz and I sit together with convener Eve Fein as part of the Clinical Faculty meeting at the Rhea Hirsch School of Jewish Education of Hebrew Union College in Los Angeles. We gather a few times a semester to reflect upon the field of Jewish education and to improve our own work as Jewish educators.

This fall, we are focusing on studying Milton Chen’s Education Nation. [Read KQED’s interview with Milton Chen.]  Chen argues that we must “move the innovation occurring on the edges of our school system to occupy the center…”. Moreover, let’s “put the edge into education and create a sense that teaching and learning are exciting, contemporary and cool. As its most important enterprise, education should be on the ‘cutting edge of society, technology, and culture, rather than trailing other sectors.'”

Chen writes about 6 edges of education:

  1. Thinking edge – move toward a child centered approach 
  2. Curriculum edge – go beyond “subject matter silos,” and embrace project-based learning 
  3. Technology edge – face the “death of lectures” 
  4. Time/place edge – learning happens beyond the classroom walls, beyond discrete time periods, beyond a specific time of day 
  5. Co-teaching edge – increase teacher professional development 
  6. Youth edge – they have mobile computers in their pockets, how are we using them? 

These edges, Chen says, should be drawn into the center of educational thinking and work.

A worthwhile read, Chen’s Education Nation, pushes educational innovation in our public schools. Similarly, his perspectives necessarily shine light on the practice of Jewish education.  It raises many helpful questions to reflect back on Or Ami’s educational process. (A great institution – whether business, educational or religious – should always be reflecting upon its own work, vision, processes, successes and failures.).

  • How might we place the child at the center of his/her Jewish learning, especially as our teens? 
  • In what ways might the synagogue introduce project based learning into our curriculum? 
  • We usually tell our kids to unplug when they enter the synagogue. How might allowing them to plug in more deeply deepen their bonds with their synagogue and Judaism?

Have you read Chen’s book? What have you learned from it?

Raising Courageous Kids – When Young People Face Mental Health Challenges

My friend and teacher Madelyn Katz shared this post on RJ.org. Too important not to reshape here. How can Or Ami help support your children?

By Dr. Madelyn M. Katz
Originally posted on RJ.org.

In raising my two daughters, I had always hoped they would have courage to face life challenges with confidence and character. When they were young, I anticipated that those challenges would be the normal – difficult teachers, college rejections, and boyfriends who dumped them. Little did I know…

My husband and I have two wonderful daughters, ages 21 and 17. They are caring, funny, insightful, respectful, and, yes, courageous. They have had courage in the face of a whole host of their own mental health and addiction challenges – any one of which might have been too much for an adult to handle. Together, they have Clinical Depression (which they come by me genetically), Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADD/ADHD, OCD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and food and alcohol addiction. They have received excellent medical support and effective medication. Even with positive support, they have still suffered over the course of their childhood and teen years from the daily emotional, psychological, and social challenges that come with any of these disorders.

I suspect many people would look at my daughters and see two “nice Jewish girls.” But what happens when these seemingly “normal” kids experience the pain of mental health issues in their daily lives? What does that suffering look like? And how do we support them so that the Jewish community – synagogue, NFTY, camp and Israel experiences –are safe places for them, places where they can talk about these challenges openly and without shame and deal with them when they rear their ugly heads… all without feeling stigmatized?

My daughters have been fortunate, as the Jewish community – individuals as well as institutions – have given them tremendous support throughout their lives.

My daughters grew up at Temple Beth Hillel in Valley Village, CA, where their rabbi has offered ongoing support when either of them has faced a bout of depression. No questions. No judgment. Just being there should they need him. He supported my younger daughter as her anxiety disorder kept her from feeling confident about leading a bat mitzvah service. Her anxiety could have crippled her, but our rabbi established an understanding with her that she would not be asked to do anything which caused her unnecessary anxiety. His support allowed a child who might otherwise have hidden in the back of the synagogue to ascend the bimah and lead the entire service.

At Camp Newman, both daughters experienced bouts of depression during their Avodah and CIT years. In response, the staff did two really important things: They took seriously the pain my kids they were in; no one questioned what they were experiencing. The Nefesh team (clinicians who work at camp for just this type of situation) worked out a plan with my daughters that would help each of them begin to feel better – and within a few days, they both did. They took what could have been a traumatic experience and treated it as just a part of what my kids live with.

Also at Camp Newman: When my daughter’s anxiety disorder made her extremely nervous about hiking to a campsite, the staff allowed her to ride in the car instead. The message was one of respect and care, which made her feel like a mensch. No stigma. Just regard for the human spirit.

NFTY events are very emotionally intense experiences! This intensity can often be a trigger to set off a bout of depression, sending a young person into a scary, dark hole – difficult place to be under normal circumstances, but even more so when surrounded by 200 other “normal, happy kids.” Knowing that a NFTYite who suffers from depression would benefit from down time – especially in the middle of a schedule that does not necessarily allow for it – can make a complete difference in the experience youth have. Most of all, they will feel respected, understood, and safe. My girls were always afforded that space and time.

When my then-19-year-old daughter went on the Hillel Birthright Israel trip, she had just reached one year of sobriety. The trip was a success for her because the rabbi leading the trip gave her some group time to share with her tripmates that she was in recovery. This helped her to maintain her sobriety and keep her head held high.

“Nice Jewish kids” can have mental health issues and addiction. These issues are very real and very prevalent – but they do not have to be painful. Is your community addressing this reality? What are you doing to create an environment in which these Jewish youth feel safe and supported – in which they will have the courage to face these life challenges?

Dr. Madelyn M. Katz is the associate dean of Hebrew Union College’s Jack H. Skirball Campus in Los Angeles.

What Teens Say: Reflections on the Triple T teen Retreat

53 teenagers – 7th through 11th grades – gathering together for our Triple T (“Tracks for Temple Teens”) teen Retreat. Over dinner, I asked them a few questions, and gave them my laptop to record their answers.

First Question: What have been the best parts of the retreat so far?

  • Arielle Tylim and Alyssa Kaplan 10th Grade and Ben Buckley 7th Grade: The best part of the Triple T retreat was spending time with our cabins and making new friends. 
  • Rachel Harris 8th Grade: I have loved getting to know everyone better. Before the retreat I knew everyone’s faces but I never really talked to them. I have enjoyed meeting new friends. 
  • Carly Klinenberg 10th Grade: The best part of the retreat was being with all my old friends and making new ones. 
  • Abigail Barnes 8th Grade: I have enjoyed meeting new people and services. 
  • Zoey Pittler 8th Grade: I loved reconnecting with friends that I haven’t seen in a while. I also loved all of the people in my cabin. 
  • Ben Davidorf 7th Grade: One of my favorite parts of the retreat was singing in the services. I loved all the new Jewish songs that I learned like “hay-yah-ho.” 
  • Jacob Buckley 10th Grade and Steven Suffin 7th Grade: We loved every part of camp! We would happily come back!  
  • Aaron Moxness 10th Grade: I thought the retreat was amazing, and can’t wait for next year!! I especially liked playing guitar in the song sessions. 
  • Steven Simen 10th Grade: Um…. this retreat has been awesome, well organized and well planned. The best thing was the water balloon launch. 

  • Caryl Kaplan, retreat nurse/mom:     The best part of the retreat has been the people I have met both campers and staff!!

Second Question: How was the retreat different from what you expected?

By and large, the number one answer was that they expected to be overwhelmed with praying and rituals. In fact, all but one student responded saying that the retreat was balanced, friend-filled and exciting.

  • Steven Simen 10th Grade: I can’t say anything bad about this, because it has been very good. 
  • Abigail Barnes 8th Grade: I expected the retreat to be really boring but it has been very fun. I have had so much fun hanging out with my friends. 
  • Zoey Pittler 8th Grade: The retreat was almost like I was at Camp Newman, but for just a weekend.

    Aaron Moxness 10th Grade: It was everything I expected. 

  • Rachel Harris 8th Grade: … there have been so many fun-filled activities. 
  • Arielle Tylim and Alyssa Kaplan 10th grade and Ben Buckley 7th Grade: … we had a lot of fun and enjoyed making friends with the younger kids. 
  • Caryl Kaplan, retreat nurse/mom: Watching their interactions as a “fly on the wall” was a heart warming experience. The world could use many more Or Ami young people. 
  • Rabbi Paul Kipnes, 15th Grade: I forgot how kids of all different ages bond together in a camp setting, so that differences disappear and then become one community.

Thanks to Rabbi Julia Weisz, Mishpacha Coordinator Rachel Kaplan Marks, LoMPTY youth advisor Stefanie Philips, and the amazing staff.

To catch a glimpse of how much fun a teen retreat can be, check out our pictures on Facebook. Look at Congregation Or Ami and at Paul Kipnes.

Triple T teen Retreat: OMG LOL (Oh My God, Lots of Laughter)


I’m exhausted from the non-stop high energy hormonally enhanced teen interactions from Congregation Or Ami’s Triple T (Tracks for Temple Teens) retreat at Camp Alonim in Simi Valley. With Rabbi Julia Weisz, Cantor Doug Cotler, LoMPTY advisor Stefanie Phillips, BM Teacher Diane Townsend and a slew of talented counselors (including kid’s favorite Rabbinical Student Jonathan Rothstein-Fisch and Mishpacha Coordinator Rachel Kaplan Marks), 53 teens gathered for a weekend around the theme of Beresheet/Genesis. The goal – creating community and building teen relationships – was the brainchild of Rabbi Julia, who has worked with laser focus on engaging our teens on multiple levels and in multiple ways.

I am amazed at how quickly the “I’m too cool for this” attitude melts away when we dispense with the parents and mix wacky activities, with Jewish singing and dancing, with Recreate Creation programs (recreate your day of creation using tape, Popsicle sticks and a roll of tinfoil). Shabbat dinner was delicious. Shabbat song session was wild, and Shabbat Siyum (closing circle) was mellowly musical.

I’m up and back, up and back, so that I can attend both nights but be home for two B’nai Mitzvah on Saturday and a baby naming on Sunday. But I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Where else do we get to interact with teens without any school pressure, where they can for the most part drop the teen social pressures, and where the love and warmth just flow from their very souls.

Check out the pictures and Videos on my Facebook page.